I got NY on the mind...

Hmmmm…. So me and New Yorker have been chillin hard…. Well, I waited for his call the other day and it never came… I called him later, but he never picked up and then I texted him and nothing… hmmm, boy was I curious as to why he wasn’t talking to me… he couldn’t have given up on us so quickly, I mean it was only a small argument… but then I was woken up on Thursday morning by a call from him… he didn’t sound so good… he was like he has a migraine and spent the entire day in bed sleeping ( he doesn’t like taking pills) trying to get rid of his migraine and then he say how could I think he was giving up on us and me… anyways, we talked for a few more minutes, but he didn’t sound good, so I told him to go back to bed and we’d talk later… later was an hour later when he called me back…. We stayed on the phone for about 5 and a half hours… literally… talking about a whole bunch of random things…. We only got off the phone cause I had to go running… then we spend most of the evening on the phone…. The more I talk to him, the more I like him… and did I mention he sends the sweetest texts to me (when we’re not on the phone) just to let me know he’s thinking about me… its cutest when he does it while he’s out with his boys and suppose to be having fun…

We’ve been talking a lot lately… mainly cause I took the week off work and he often works from home, so we spend most of the day and evening on the phone… which will change next week when I go back to work… anyways, been talking to him about relationships and so on… and well his philosophies are a bit unorthodox, but actually things I can work with… so here’s the deal… New Yorker wants us to have an open relationship… which I can work with for the fact that, well… No, I’m not settling, but right now this situation would work for me cause…. we don’t live in the same state, I’m not necessarily ready to be in a serious serious relationship, and lastly I can still continue to meet new people without hurting him… but then I know I am the jealous type, or I can be at times… and I can tell that with him I’m gonna be jealous… I’m already not feeling his relationship with some of his female friends, but it’s not my place to really say anything about that… Sometimes he give me a little too much information about his past relationships, but I guess I’d rather know, then not know…

So last night I went out for a little bit with my sister and sister-in-law…. Went to this lounge place downtown and it was a lot of fun… ran into my friend/ex, SO… me and SO were talking, we usually have these deep conversations at the most random times, but he’s definitely one of my good friends… anyways, he was asking where my man was (he was trying to find out what was going on with me relationship wise)… and I replied, I don’t have a boyfriend, but I’m dating… as he continued to probe, I briefly mentioned New Yorker (briefly because one we were in a loud public place and two I don’t like giving too much details about my relationships to me exs, even if we are friends). And SO’s first question was like, is he Nigerian… and I replied no and tried to move on to another topic, then SO said is he at least African… another no… and then he was like are you serious and that I needed to get serious… I didn’t know what to say… he just said that we would talk later and he could find out what type of guy I was looking for and that he has some prospects for me and that he’ll introduce me to them (yes I know how awkward it may seem that my ex is trying to hook me up with a guy, but we are good friends)… but in my mind, I thought he was right, but what am I suppose to do, I already like New Yorker and I’m not willing or ready to let him go… but then again me and him are just dating and are trying to have an open relationship….

My New Yorker....

Alrighty…. Christmas was great… went to Church Christmas morning where they served us breakfast :-)… then went to my sister-in-law’s place for a family lunch… the lunch was great, most of the family was there… then went to see the new Will Smith Movie, Pursuit of Happyness… it was a really good movie… Will Smith and his son both did a great job…

Alright…. Lets see what’s been going… most of my attention has been diverted to New Yorker :-)… (I met New Yorker about 2 weeks ago when I went to NY)… anyways, we’ve really been hitting it off… I mean, we’re really clicking…. He’s become the first person I talk to when I wake up, the last person I talk to each night and the person that calls and texts me ALL day (and yet it DOESN”T annoy me AT ALL…) … he’s got a lot of game, but he definitely a sweet guy… we’ve been talking about the rules of dating (in general), and well of course his rules are more relaxed (but ain’t that typical for a guy)…. Anyways, we’ve talked about sooo much… we usually talk for a couple of hours each morning before we start our day… then during the day and then at night before we go out and when we come back… anyway, needless to say I’m enjoying my time with New Yorker… except we got into our first little argument last night…. New Yorker was suppose to catch the train up here to Baltimore last night (it was a last minute decision and I shouldn’t have gotten overly excited, but I did)… we decide earlier yesterday that he would catch the train to Baltimore and we would hang out for a few days… well a whole bunch of random things happened (some out of his control)… anyways, he never came… and when he called me to tell me, boy was I pissed…. I was really short with him for the rest of the night, cause he got my hopes up and then disappointed me… I know he was sorry… he apologized over and over again, but I wasn’t in the mood to hear it or to really talk to him… See, here’s the thing… I can have a bad temper at time, so I learned to just shut my mouth whenever I get mad, upset or disappointed, cause I have a mouth on me and I can be very mean when I’m hurting…. So I’ve learned just to shut my mouth and not say nothing till I’m calm and can talk thing thru… I always make it a point to talk thing thru later though cause I feel the need to clear the air so we can move past the situation… I know, I know, it may not be the best way to hand things, but its saved many relationships because it gives me a chance to calm down and look at the situation from all angles before reacting, especially reacting negatively…. Anyways, that was last night…. Me and New Yorker have texted a little today, but we haven’t talked on the phone, which is sooooo weird for me and him…. And even thru texting earlier, he managed to apologize again and tell me that he thought about me all night yesterday…. And to be truthful, I thought about him all night as well…. I miss him, I miss his voice and I just wanna talk to him… I know he’s taking a nap right now and he said he’ll call me when he gets ups… and I can’t wait… I can’t wait to talk to him…

Yes, I know I haven’t known him for a long time, but things are just so comfortable with him… and I definitely glad that I decided to call him when he gave me my number…. And we are only talking and getting to know each other… we’re both open to seeing other people, especially since we live 3 ½- 4 hours away from each other…

anyways... IN called me today, we talked for a few minutes before i got off the phone with him... my mind was not focused on him....

New Years... only 5 days away....

Random thoughts... goals for 2007...

Aiight… So I’ve come to the conclusion (all on my own) that me and IN are probably just gonna be friends and nothing more… I did tell him that I had a short attention span… I went to the gym Monday evening, and I saw IN for a second, but he was busy, he had back to back clients… and besides I needed to focus on my workout… did a water aerobics class and it was a lot of fun… anyways, one would think that since we didn’t get a chance to really talk while I was at the gym that he would have called me, especially since he’s done with classes for the semester… but nope… so anyways, to round it up, the flame for him was put out before it ever really got started…

But on the good note… New Yorker (the guy I met last weekend while I was in NY) definitely has some game… he seems like a really nice guy, he’s cute, funny, has his head on straight for the most part… no major flaws yet (I say yet, simply because we all have flaws, even major flaws… they just take some to surface)… now he told me that he wasn’t showing me ‘the representative’ and that he was just being himself, but only time will tell… needless to say, New Yorker has definitely got my attention at the moment and he’s doing a good job of keeping himself on my mind… but in the back of my mind I remember he’s not Nigerian and I want to marry a Nigerian… so there’ll always be that bit of hesitation… but that doesn’t change the fact that he does peak my interest :-)…

It would be ideal to marry a Nigerian guy, not only Nigeria but a Yoruba man, for so many reasons… but sometimes I feel like I shouldn’t restrict myself to only dating Nigerian men… there’s a lot to experience out there and I shouldn’t sit around waiting for a Nigerian guy to come find me…

Aiight… 4 days til Christmas… and even though we don’t have a Christmas tree up and we’re not evening exchanging gifts til New Year’s day this year, I’m still excited… the little kid inside of me is still overjoyed that it’s the holidays and that its Christmas time… and that I get a time to relax a little, spend some time with the family and just to reflect over the last year of my life… so much has changed and yet so much has remained the same… I start to think of New Years Resolutions… and while I’m not big on making new year’s resolutions, I do like to set some goals for myself… this time last year, I made 6 goals for myself, cause it was about to be 2006… anyways, my goal for 2006 was to travel to 3 new places that I’ve never been (which I did… Paris, Texas (Houston and Dallas), and California), I also set out a goal to go to my first real concert (which I did as well), to finish my masters degree, get my new car… and to my satisfaction, I was able to get all of those things accomplished because not only were they realistic goals, they were things that I wanted with my entire heart so it was easy to work towards them… now that 2007 is around the corner… I’m putting together my goals for the new years… milestones that I would like to reach in 2007… so far, I’ve got… (1) Lose these last 10./15 pounds that I’ve been playing with for a few months, (2) Visit Atlanta (cause I’ve never been…) and that’s all I have as of yet… but I’ll have a nice list before the new years rings in… what resolutions or goals are you making for yourself in the new year???

NYC was great...

NY was great… so I got up Saturday morning and went running, ran 20 miles in DC, then jumped on the Amtrak for my nite in NY… first of all, every muscle from my hips and downward was hurting me, muscles I didn’t know exists were hurting after running the 20 miles… but it was all good, cause I did it!!! Anyways, was knocked on the train, got to NY around 5:30pm… met up with my sisters and friends (they drove down earlier)… we went to see the Color Purple. Let me say, that play was great… very entertaining. The actors & actresses were great and the storyline was good ( a little different from the movie towards the end) but still good… overall I truly enjoyed myself… even though I could barely walk cause my feet were killing me… but even thru all the pain, I managed to get dressed to go out afterwards and even had the nerve to put on some heels… talk about some serious pain, but after a drink or two, I was feeling better… checked out a few lounges, ended up on some spot on 15th & 9th street uptown… met up with my cousin there, who lives in NY… the place was cool…meet a cute guy there, he’s not a true New Yorker, but we’ll call him New Yorker … actually the guy reminded me of a guy that I went to college with… it was a nice ego boost, cause I have to admit i was checking dude out, cause he definitely had a cute smile and all... anyways, New Yorker pulled me to the side before I left and gave me his phone number… I haven’t called him yet but I probably will this evening… (I forgot my charger, so by Sunday morning, my phone was completely dead)… I didn’t get to go shopping cause traffic was crazy on Sunday, so we just decided to head back to Bmore… but all in all, it was a great trip…

I definitely need to go to NY again soon… had so many people I have to visit there, aside from New Yorker, I have a bunch of friends and family that stay in NY and I’ve just never made the time to go visit them… but after such a good weekend, I definitely plan on making that trip again soon…

Ok, so I’m going to learn how to swim this evening, one of the personal trainers at Bally’s is suppose to teach me… I need to learn to swim cause I want to sign up for a triathlon… no I’m not crazy, but I’m already in shape, might as well keep it up and cross off some of the things off my list of “To-Do” things in life…

btw... i see IN (my gym guy) tonight... today is his last final for the semester, so hopefully he'll be more attentive now... but i guess we'll have to wait and see... unfortunately, I'm not sure I'm still as attracted to him as I was before... but maybe he can change my mind about that...

TGIF... NY for the weekend

Its finally Friday… well, JB leave today… saw JB on Wednesday evening… actually I went to his house to go see his little brother, cause his little brother left for Naija last night (side note… I’m close to all the entire the family, all the siblings and their parents as well, so a lot of time I’m just there chilling with anyone of them, usually JB, but often times his brothers….) Anyways, JB got to the house about an hour or so after I had been there, we talked for a bit, but I was heading out cause I had stuff to do… and on my way out he says, so I’ll see you tomorrow… and I’m like y, he goes cause I’m leaving Friday … now we hadn’t talked about me seeing him b4 he left for Nigeria but I guess he assumed that I was planning on seeing him before he left on Friday, I told him to call me and we’d figure it out… needless to say, I didn’t see him yesterday, cause by the time I called him he was getting ready to leave his house and so he was like well I see you tomorrow before I leave… and I told him I had to go to work and most likely not, he was like well I’ll call you and we can figure something out, see you tomorrow…
I do want to see him, but then I don’t at the same time cause when I see him and I’m with him, it makes me want to be with him… so I figure that if I don’t see him then maybe I can get my feeling straightened out… but I guess seeing him before his trip wouldn’t be a big deal since he’ll be gone for a month and I’ll have time to work things thru in my head… all this confusion is part of the reason why I haven’t really approached JB bout out situation, cause I’m not sure what it is I want from him exactly…

Going to NY on Saturday after I finish running, going to go see the Color Purple on Broadway on Saturday evening with my sisters and some friends… then we’re gonna do some shopping on Sunday and head home Sunday afternoon… haven’t been to NY in a while, so I’m excited…

Tomorrow running 20 miles… I’m excited and scared at the same time… its gonna be a challenge but I welcome it with open arms…


10 days to Christmas!!!!
Although I’m bitter about not going to Nigeria for Christmas, I have to admit that my Christmas and New years events in the states are always a lot of fun… so I’m excited about the holiday season… all of my siblings are older so they don’t get as excited about Christmas, but my little nephew is old enough to really enjoy Christmas, so I look forward to spoiling him this Christmas… seeing him open gifts and get all excited… bringing back all the good memories of Christmas that I had as a child… and of course taking some days off of work will be nice…

Have a great weekend all…

being friends with your ex...

My ex-boyfriend from London, L, called me yesterday… L and I are still good friends, we talk occasionally and email frequently, but still just friends… (side note: at one point in my life L was the guy I thought I would marry and live happily ever after with, but that didn’t happen… if you want the whole story, read part II of this post) anyways, L called my yesterday and it threw me off cause it was so unexpected, we were actually in the middle of emailing each other and I was responding to his email when he called… it was so nice to hear his voice, I hadn’t talked to him over the phone in some time, so it was really good to hear his voice… said he had been thinking bout me over the weekend…

Anyways, this leads me to wonder why some people say you can’t be friends with people you’ve dated… and while I agree to an extent… I’m actually friends with most of the people I’ve ever dated, seriously or otherwise… not the best of friends with all of them, but definitely cordial with them all… but really good friends with some of them as well, like L… now I know that for some people its impossible, but for me… I need my space and time before we can be friends, and the friendship has to be on my terms at first until we’re both comfortable, but for me its hard to cut someone out of my life completely especially if its someone that I truly love/loved… (Now, that doesn’t mean that I won’t do it, I actually do that more often than I’d like to, but that’s a story for another day)… there is only one person in my past that I’m not cordial with… that’s CG, fortunate for me, we haven’t ran into each yet since we went our separate ways… but that has a lot to do with the fact that we hang out in different places and I’ve been training so hard for the marathon that I haven’t been going out as much and so on (which is weird, since we have A LOT of mutual friends)
I know a lot of guys try to keep things civil or at least cordial between them as their ex just so that they can still have an opportunity with her in the future, where as I personally do it because I cared for the person at one time, and I still care for them as a human being even if its not in the same capacity as it was before and also, the Nigerian circle is so small, you know who knows who, who’s related to who and who you may run into in the future… if I begin to tell you the tails of the circles in Baltimore and Maryland, you’d would think we were crazy here… anyways, while CG and I no longer speak and as far as I am concerned are no longer even associates, if I ever ran into CG, I would do my absolute best to be cordial cause that’s just me…

If things work out the way I hope and I get to re-locate to London next year, I’m gonna need some assistance from my family and my friends… mainly my ex, L… why mainly him, well the time period I want to move, my cousins will be planning to get married and will be in Nigeria and L is the only other person that would be in the right area and available to assist me…. And also because even after we stopped dating and he needed some help when he was in the stated for an extended period of time, I was more than willing to help him because I cared about his well being… I’m glad that me and him worked things out and are able to be such good friends, cause if we didn’t, my transition to London would probably be very difficult… anyways, its situations like that that make me glad that I am the way I am and that I try to stay cordial with people and not burn bridges with them… while L and I have been through a lot together and are great friends, I know there are some things in my life L would have issues with despite the fact that we are friends… and probably vice versa… but I’m not planning on dealing with that stuff until it comes up or its absolutely necessary…

On a completely different note… I just got off the phone with my brother… he’s getting ready to leave for Nigeria in 5 hours… I am so jealous!!! Here I am at work slaving away (ok, not exactly slaving away) and he’s getting ready to go to the airport and go on vacation… and not to mention that JB is going to Nigeria as well… and when I talked to L yesterday I found out he was going as well… BITTER… I’m just bitter, I knew I wouldn’t be going this year, the moment I signed up for my marathon (can’t miss training this close to the event… 6 weeks away), but still its really hitting me hard now that all my friends are packing up their stuff and getting ready to leave for Naija… I do want to see L… it would be great, he said he assumed I was going, whereas I assumed he wasn’t going… either way we were both wrong… ( btw, did I ever mention that JB is not too thrilled at the fact that I still talk to L on a regular basis, but that’s not my problem… JB was well aware of things before he made his first move on me a year and a half ago…) To be honest, I do want to go to Naija… I want to see L… I want to see my cousins… I want to party like crazy… I want to be lazy for a few weeks… and just enjoy my life… better believe I’ll be there next Christmas…

the weekend... it was cool

The weekend was quite interesting… I went out to dinner with IN on Friday evening after my workout, it was a last minute thing… but it was cool having dinner with him… gave us a chance to really talk outside of the gym… After I left the gym, went home and freshened up and went to go hang out with JB… when I got to JB’s house, both of his brothers were around and I hadn’t seen them in a while (which is odd, cause I literally live 5 minutes away from them)… anyways, it was good seeing them, and then I went upstairs to JB’s room and he was packing to go to Nigeria… I’m gonna miss him, he’s gonna be away for about3 and a half weeks… we hadn’t seen in each other in about a week or so, but I still missed him in that short amount of time… JB and I was were laying down and talking about the future (not our future together, just the future in general)… he’s planning on going to school next year and we’ve been talking about it for a while and he’s seriously considering going to London as well (I’m applying to school in London, trying to make that move abroad for a little bit) and I got really excited… it would be so great if he moved to London as well… I’d have both of my best buds with me (both being JB and my girl, AB… she’s trying to move to London as well next year…) anyways, I know you can’t plan your life around other people’s lives, but it would work out so well if all of us ended up in London next year… anyways, I ended up staying at JB’s house til after 2am, I actually feel asleep in his arms and he just let me sleep… but then I finally woke up and when I realized how late it was I headed out (and normally it wouldn’t be a big deal, I would have stayed the night, but I had to be up at 7:30am to go run 9 miles, so you see I needed to get a decent amount of sleep)… needless to say, I was tired as heck the next morning when I was running, but I got thru it…

Sunday, I was suppose to go to dinner with one of my friends, OC (side note: OC is this guy I met like last year, we talked briefly then ended up just being friends, he’s a year older than me, but I don’t really see myself in a relationship with him, but we’re still cool)… I ended up bailing on him, but I did end up hanging out with my friend, SS … SS and I got a chance to really talk about some things that have been on my mind lately and while I’ve been so stressed with life… SS is a good friend and it was good to just be completely honest with him and have him give me feedback… he said a lot of things that were true and that I needed to hear… anyways, to wrap it up, he said that just cause my life plan is not going exactly as I planned it to, doesn’t mean that I’m not on the right track and that I shouldn’t be so hard on myself and that I shouldn’t stay too long in the same place trying to figure out the impossible…. anyways, I hung out with him and it was cool…


I’m going to move next year… I have the support of my family and I’m looking for every opportunity possible (so incase you know anyone in London that works for an IT firm or is in an IT position, that can pass my resume along… lemme know)… I do feel a little more at peace with the direction of my life, cause I’m working towards a goal now and that makes me feel at ease…

Btw… check out this article I thought it was interesting: http://lifestyle.msn.com/Relationships/Dating/ArticleIV2.aspx?cp-documentid=1286684>1=8881&wa=wsignin1.0

I just don't know...

I often hesitate to blog about my friend, JB… I’ve mentioned him briefly in previous posts, but nothing to detailed for various reasons… JB and I go back… a few years back… he actually was my ex-boyfriend’s, TO, best friend… anyways, me and JB met thru my boyfriend at the time TO… TO and I dated for a while, but eventually broke up (you may remember TO from this post about my first loves)… anyways, TO and JB kinda went their separate ways as well, TO was on some crazy stuvs that no one else was really feeling… anyways, JB and I remained friends, and as time went on we became very good friends… the best of friends actually… he became my male best friend… he knew almost everything about me from who I as dating to the small details of my daily schedule and it was vice versa for me too… I knew about all his girls and so on… he was that person I turned when I had guy questions and that so on…
One day a year and a half ago at a small get together of friends, JB kissed me… it was just a friendly peck on the lips… actually it was quite innocent. And then we were all outside getting ready to leave and get in our cars when JB came over and gave me a real kiss… it kind threw me off… anyways, after that JB and I started hanging out even more and one thing led to another and we were definitely doing our thing, but we both knew that we were just having a good time… after a few months, I started talking to a new guy and around this time last year I told JB that we should go back to just being friends and nothing more, cause I wanted to being a monogamous relationship with the I just started dating… besides I felt like I had gotten too comfortable with JB and knowing that he was always there, it alleviated the nee to go out and find myself a good guy or a boyfriend… anyways, that was the end of that with me and JB… we were still friends, but obviously not as tight as before (as he later revealed to me thru conversation, it was an ego thing… the guy wants to be the one that breaks it off) … anyways, me and JB still were cool, but not the best of friends as before, there was even a point where I wasn’t telling him who I was talking to or dating cause his comments/actions weren’t always favorable towards the person I was dating… but recently in the last couple of months JB and I have been hanging out more and I feel like our friendship is getting back to being as close as it was… we still discuss a lot of things between us… the stuff I tell him I’d never tell most people and even the things I ask him about I’d never ask most people, but we have that comfort thing…
And in the last couple of weeks, he’s been very suggestive about what he wants and why aren’t we chilling like we use to… when I go to his place and hang out and chill, it just feels so natural for him to give me that kiss when he see me… or for him to hold me when we’re watching tv, or just to goof around with him cause he makes me laugh… And well, to tell you the truth, lately he’s been on my mind A LOT… I keep thinking why can’t we just go back and be like we use to be last year, things were really good with me and him doing our thing… and yesterday after church he says to me “I’m really feeling your look… you’d look really good by my side”… and when we talked later yesterday evening, it was more of that and well I know its obvious that we both have our minds in the same place, but then I know JB better than he thinks, he’s not ready for a steady relationship (I know his track record) and well to be honest I don’t know if he truly wants anything as serious as an exclusive relationship with me… which leads me to another thing, one of the other reasons that I stopped being more than just friends with him last year was because I started to catch feelings and really like him, like… like him like him, and although some of the things he says lead me to think he may feel that way now, I don’t know if I’m ready to take that chance…

Anyways, all this has been on my mind for a few weeks… and then there’s IN (my gym guy)… he doesn’t realize that the reason I told him that I had a short attention span and that he needed to step up his game was because I have been seriously thinking about JB and going back to being more than friend with him (and yeah I know the term ‘more than friends’ is not a real term, but what JB and I have is more than friends with benefits, but not exactly an exclusive relationship, hence the reason I use the term, more than friends)… and well IN had a really decent chance of being enough to stop me from going back to chilling with JB cause I was truly interested in him (IN), but my interest has started to wane because of him not stepping up his game… its not my style to chase guys, I just don’t do it… it’s the male’s responsibility and while IN is not doing what he needs to do to get my attention, JB is… JB is doing exactly when he needs to do to get my attention again, and I must admit he’s (JB) is doing a very good job of getting my attention…

This gym guy of mine...

So I went to the gym yesterday… and by this point I had already made up my mind about IN… I was gonna try to create some type of distance between us so that we’d both lose interest and go about our separate ways… I did try… as usual, I did my work out, I actually changed it up a bit, tried some new machines, did some free weights and so on… and of course I had to go work on my abs… the abs area is where IN’s desk is located, I did most of my workout without really making the usual eye contact that I do, I gave him a quick nod of acknowledgement but I didn’t want to stop my work out… it was me and my friend TR working out… she started coming to the gym with me twice a week (guess she got motivated)… anyways, after the ab workout, I was just gonna wave bye and then get ready to leave. This was the perfect opportunity to do that cause he had like 2 or 3 other employees in his office, so I got up, I waved at him, as in see you next time… and to my surprise, he kicked everyone out of his office and call my name to come over…

ok, there goes my plan of trying to keep a distance… so of course I go over, and I stand in the door way not really inviting myself in (like I usually do)… and he notices and gestures for me to relax and have a seat… now, my friend TR was waiting for me in the locker room cause we were going to grab dinner (which made me feel better about not sitting in his office and talking for ever like he usually wants to)… anyways, we talked for a few minutes, maybe about 15 mins or so… long story short, we did the usual chit chat stuff and then we just conversed about some other things where I mentioned to him that I have a short attention span and that if people don’t hold my attention they lose it (hoping he’d get the clue)…. he was telling me that schools been really tough lately cause its close to the end of the semester and how he was up til 5am doing a paper and so, I almost felt bad for me… and then he’s like when are we going to hang out… I wanted to yell when he asked that, he’s the ones that’s soooooooo busy… I simply replied, well, if you ever called me, I’d check my schedule and we could make plans to get together… I made some other comments to get him to understand that he wasn’t doing what he needed to do and that I was starting to lose interest… and after a few minutes I got up and was like I need to go, my friend is waiting on me… he asked me to call him later (and then asked if that was okay with me, which I thought was soooo cute of him) … I called later, we spoke for a few minutes but he sounded so tired, I actually did feel bad for him cause while he was at work studying, I was laid up in my comfortable bed… anyways, he called me later that evening after he got off work and we spoke for a little bit longer… Needless to say I think he got the message… yeah I know I probably should cut the guy some slack, but I feel like I’ve already done that, as I told my girl, JD, last nite… I need a certain amount of attention to keep me interested, actually I don’t need a certain amount of attention, I deserve a certain amount of attention... hello, I am Miss DD…

back in action...

No I haven’t abandoned my blog… but here's what's been going on with me in a nutshell… I had a great thanksgiving, was too busy stuffing my face to get to the computer and blog… went crazy on black Friday and shopped my head off, spending all kinds of money on things that I probably don’t need, but wanted… then I fell terribly sick on Saturday, ended up in the ER for what turned out to be a stomach flu/virus, I was in a lot of pain (no worries, I’m all better now)… stayed home a few days and now I’m out and about… back to work today…

Anyways… let’s see… my gym guy, IN doesn’t realize that I have a short attention span and that he needs to step up his game… my interest was already waning, I thought that the thanksgiving break would have been a good time to get together and so something… but yet another test he failed… I did see him a couple of times of the thanksgiving weekend (only cause I went to work out) and he was being super friendly and flirtatious as usual, but the gym is neither the time or place to be trying to get with me… I do understand that he works a lot and is still in school, but thanksgiving was a 4 day weekend, and if you can’t make time to hang out on a four day weekend, then you probably can’t make time to hang out during normal weekends… oh well… and he does this thing where whenever I got to the gym he’s like ‘oh, you’ve forgotten about me’ or ‘you haven’t called me’.. hello…… the phone works two ways, learn to pick it up and use it buddy… aiight, aiight, enough about IN…

Anyways, I can’t believe its almost December… actually it only 2 days always… I love the holidays, I’m going to decorate my house this weekend… since I am the youngest I’m usually the one that does that, but it never bothers me cause I enjoy the holidays so much… I also excited about all the good movies coming out during the holidays, the one I’m most excited about is the new Will Smith movie called the Pursuit of Happiness… if you haven’t seen the previews or commercials about it, check it out here: http://www.sonypictures.com/movies/thepursuitofhappyness/
enjoy!

the weekend....

The weekend was cool… talked to IN a little bit, didn’t make plans to hang out or anything, but it was cool… Friday night I hung out with a random friend, JO, he’s younger than me by a few years, but pretty mature for his age (or at least I thought he was)… anyways, we went to this fundraiser party thing, ran into a couple of old faces that I haven’t seen in a while… it was all good… anyways, on the ride back, JO and I were talking about a bunch of different things… so we decided to head back to his place, I didn’t think nothing of it since I’d known his for a few years and he’s a pretty cool guy, til we got to his place and he was trying to be all over me… it quickly changed my option of him… I told him he needed to chill out and relax, that I wasn’t interested in him and secondly he would ruin out friendship… well, he didn’t listen, this kid was really trying to have sex with me… I was furious, picked up my stuff and was out… but I was just blown cause I always that he was a sweet kid… in the morning he called me and then texted… nothing … then he called and texted again… nothing… I wasn’t about to spend my valuable time on him… so I went to work (I work at a restaurant on the weekends)… and the phone rings and I pick it up to take an order, why was its JO and he’s all like ‘DD, I’m sorry about what happened last night and blah blah blah”… my response “Its not a big deal, I just expected more from you… now, can I take your order” hmmm, I wasn’t ready to even talk to him, much less see him… he came to get his food, and I was as cordial as I could be (cause I can be as cold as it gets to people)… anyways, he kept trying to talk to me and I simply said I don’t have anything to say to you, when I’m ready I’ll talk to you, cause I work on my own time… needless to say, I was right and the situation messed up our friendship… but I’m not so concerned, cause its not like he’s someone I chill with like that anyways…

Sunday was crazy… ran 14 miles, it wasn’t too bad… actually I was quite proud of myself…. 14 miles is more than half of a marathon, it renewed my confidence that I can actually do this marathon that I am training for!

So one of my good friends, JD, proceeded to inform me that I’m usually more interested in the chase when it comes to a guy and not actually having him (having him in the sense of doing anything with him or having a relationship with him)… and that the few times that I actually am interested in the guy that it doesn’t last too long before I lose interest… now, the chase with IN was definitely fun… but to tell you the truth I haven’t talked to him since Friday night… which actually isn’t a big deal… and that’s her point… usually when I’m really into someone, me and the guy talk pretty frequently and the fact that I’m ok with now having talked to IN since Friday nite, she’s suspecting that I’m no longer interested in him now that I know that I can have him… and well, its not that I’m no longer interested in him, its more like now he has to step up his game to keep my interest otherwise I will be distracted very quickly and won’t look back…

(To be completely honestly I don’t necessary disagree with JD, but I know some of that stems from my past relationships… and its something I’m working on… because it really comes down to who cares less… you know how the saying goes, the person that cares less controls the relationship… and it is a control thing… but I’m working it out, shucks, at least I can admit it… and its something that I’m working on)

I’m going to the gym tonight, so we’ll see…

He finally made his move...

OMG!!!! I couldn’t wait to blog this…. So as I stated earlier today, I was going to the gym… was kinda in a weird mood when I got there (maybe that had something to do with IN’s page that I saw on Hi5 (one of those community online communities… yes, I know I actually looked him up :-/)…. Anyways, after seeing IN (my gym guy) at the gym I had a smile plastered on my face… as usual he came over during my ab work out and we started talking, the usual chatting about what’s been going on and so on… as I was finishing my workout, I started to stretch and IN says, its time for dinner… then I reply (jokingly) what are we having for dinner or what r u bring me… he was like let’s go, if you’re done with your work out… luckily I was just about done.. so we went to go get something to eat around the corner, and I thought we were gonna just grab it to go, but he suggested we eat there… that’s was cool with me by all means… so we got to talking, and he asks me why am I single, and my reply was no reason in particular, I just am… anyways our conversation drifted from my status to his status (hmmm, which was a bit sketch) to sex to our various life experiences.

Anyways, we ate and talked for a bit, it was really cool… he is such a beautiful man (I know beautiful is not the best way to describe a man, but damn nothing describes him better… talk, dark, and handsome with the cutest accent)… So we headed back to his job, I drove cause first of all, I don’t know him well enough to be jumping into his car and second of all I like to be in control… anyways, once we got back to his job, we sat in the car and just talked for a bit… his one hour break turned into a two hour break… and somewhere in the mist of our talking and flirting, he leaned in and kissed me… then he kissed me again and again… and Damn can I say he’s a great kisser… anyways, it was really cool… I hope he didn’t get in trouble for being gone for 2 hours... but it was really cool getting to know him…. Talking about how he thought I was shy and all, and how he’s had his eye on me for a while and so on…

He wanted to get together later this evening once he gets off work at 11pm… but for me, that’s kinda late to be meeting…he said he really wanted to see me again, and that I should think about it and call him at work… Anyways, I’m called him to tell him that I wasn’t up for meeting up tonight and if we could plan something for the weekend… what I thought would be a 5/10 minute conversation turned into an conversation that lasted well over an hour… we’re gonna make plans tomorrow to hang out soon… but I can just say that I am very much attracted to his man, IN, in every way possible… He was just so up front about things, and said the cutest comments... had me blushing and all... I couldn’t stop smiling while I was talking to him on the phone… and even now that I'm off the phone with him, the smile is still shining across my face… I know its silly to be excited about it, but we have been flirting back and forth for about 2 months and I’m just so gitty… and I can’t wait to talk to him tomorrow…. And he has the sexist phone voice with his cute accent!

Ok, enough about IN… I’m off to bed, sweet dreams… I know what I’ll be dreaming of!

quick update...

Its been a crazy week at work (been in the process of moving my desk)... haven't had time to really blog... but I haven't seen IN (gym guy) this week, but I'm headed to the gym tonight, so we'll see how that goes...
Had a business school interview yesterday, and it went quite well... still trying to decide what to do with life... after my interviews, went to drinks with my girls, AB & NM... we had a blast as usual and then I met up for drinks with one my friend, YA... YA and i sorta have a history, but we're way past that now, or at least I thought we were til last night... anyway's i'll blog all about my outing with YA tomorrow... gotta run, hope ya'll are all having a great week!

good times...

Homecoming weekend was great… I knew it was gonna be a lot of fun, but still it amazed how much I really enjoyed myself! I went out Thursday nite to one of the local clubs by campus, it was great ($2 bucks to get in, compared to the $20 I pay in DC to get into the club)… anyways, the entire weekend was cool…
The Sigma’s won the step shop (Yeah Frat!!!)… the parties were fun, the people were cool and overall it was one of the best homecoming weekends I’ve ever been too…
Me and 10 of my friends all stayed in the same hotel, so that was a lot of fun as well…
I didn’t realize how much I missed my friends and loved my undergrad experience, but whenever I return to visit, its always full of fond memories and happy times! Anyways, it was really great to see all my college buddies… Some are married, some still in grad school, some working & doing the 9 to 5, and of course some that we just can’t figure out if they ever graduated or exactly what they do? But none the less, it was great hanging out again. This weekend was definitely an ego booster, realized that I’m not as behind in life as I sometimes think I am… my friends loved my new car, appreciated that I was done with grad school, and that I have a good job in my field… and me, I appreciated the friends that were married or on the way to marriage… but this entire weekend help put things into a better perspective for me… it was nice to be carefree for the weekend...

Only down part to the entire weekend, was that when I got back home last night, I realized that the memory card in my camera had popped out, so now I don’t have any pictures from the weekend and I’m out of a $60 dollar memory card… but thank goodness for facebook, by the time I had got home and settled in, pictures were already popping up on facebook, so while I won’t have all my pictures, I’ll be able to gather enough from all my friends’ cameras…

On a side note…
I wanted to call the gym before I left Thursday and talk to IN, but one, I didn’t want him to think I was sweating him and two, I actually wanted to see his reaction when I ask him what’s taking him so long to ask for my number … so hopefully if he’s at the gym tonight when I go, I’ll get a chance to talk to him for a little bit… wish me luck (and I’ll definitely ask if he has a gf)…

Homecoming Weekend!!!

Its homecoming weekend!!! Headed back to my Alma Marta… I went to school in the south, good ol’ North Carolina… I went to a predominant white school, but it was a really big school, so there definitely were enough black people there and around the area… My days in undergrad, I wouldn’t change them for ANYTHING… while I did complain about a lot of things in college (who doesn’t???), my undergrad experience was phenomenal… I look back and realized how much I loved it and how much fun it was… I was Miss super involved in everything, especially in my sorority, for a while, the Alphas called me Super-Zeta (you know how it is when you first cross and you’re over zealous, well I was over-zealous for the entire time I was there :-))… anyways, I can’t wait to see my friends, the people I talk to on a regular basis but don’t live close enough to… its always nice to see how people are progressing in life and just to reminisce about the old times and hang out again… but things are never the same when you go back, you never realized how much you’ve changed until you go back to a place that’s unchanged, you realize that you see things different and perceive things different, and only then do you see how much you’ve changed… but still the experience is always a good one… going back to a place unchanged gives you perspective and shows you how much you’ve grown!

Now, I haven’t been out to a party/club since the beginning of September because of my training for the marathon, but please believe that I will be out there this weekend with my friend partying it up… even though I’ll suffer the next morning when I have to go running (the training stops for NO ONE, luckily my long run is only 6 miles), it’ll all be worth it!!!

On a Side note: So I went to the gym yesterday, and IN (my gym guy) was there ( I was so happy to see him cause he wasn’t there the last two times I went to the gym and I was starting to think maybe he didn’t work there anymore)… anyways, I managed to convince one of my friends to sign up for Bally’s as well, so when she was doing the paper work and all, I stroll over to IN’s office and he invites me in and we start talking… I’m like where have you been, thought u abandoned me… he said school’s been crazy (he’s working towards a law-degree) and its just kept him busy and that he wouldn't abandon me… so we were talking about school, and I was telling him that I decided I was going back to school, just not sure exactly what I want to get my degree in… and IN goes ‘you can get your masters in me, and you can study me anytime you want to…’ and he got all shy and I was like ‘Really, cause I would like that’ and we were finally on the path to exchanging numbers, when some girl comes to his office, she was a client, so he couldn’t blow her off, but then she wouldn’t leave, proceeded to intro herself to me and all, and all I’m thinking is can you leave so me and IN can finish our conversation, but she didn’t and then another client came to his office, and then I was like I should go work out… then he had back to back clients til I left and we never got to talk again, except when I was leaving he came over to me, and was like so I’ll see you Friday right (hmmm, somebody knows my work out schedule…), nope, I’m going out of town I informed him and he said oh, well then I’ll see you next week and then he gave me that gorgeous smile of his… Guess I have to wait til Monday, and hopefully we can talk then…

Anyways, took Friday off, so after work today I’m gone for the weekend… have a great one, cause I definitely will…

loooooong weekend...

Long weekend… ran my 12 miles on Saturday (i also ran thru event emotion from being happy to be exercising to being proud of my accmplishment, to being angry at how long 12 miles actually is, to resentment for doing the marathon, then back to satisfaction for doing the 12 miles and still wanting to complete the marathon :-)), after running I then went to work that afternoon and then went to some Masquerade Ball (instead of resting my poor little legs)… it was cool though, and Sunday was crazy, have a big family event and spent most of the day cooking and serving people (you know how those Nigerian family events can get out of hand…) Anyways, the event was the baby dedication at church for my niece (2 months old) and nephew (5 weeks old)… the children are such blessing and great additions to our family… it was a good mix of our friends (my siblings) and our parent’s friends and family friends…

Anyways, I guess I didn’t really realize how much it bothered me that I don’t what to do with my life or what I should be doing with my life (in my master plan, I was suppose to be planning my own wedding day by now, but with no boyfriend at the present moment or in the immediate foreseeable future it makes it a little difficult to do that)… anyways as I was saying, I guess I didn’t really realize how much it bothered me until yesterday afternoon, after the baby dedication at church and we had a bunch of people over, and a friend of mine, SS, (a friend I dated about 2 and a half years ago and I actually met him thru my sister-in-law, so he was there to celebrate the baby dedication with us) and I were talking and some how we got on the topic of what’s next in life, and how life was going and so on and out of no where tears started flowing from my eyes. Now, SS and I are good friends, we talk on a regular basis and he’s someone I would definitely confide in cause he’s a very trustworthy guy, but I was just surprised as how easily tears formed at my eyes when we really started talking about the future, and I guess it surprised him as much as it did me, then he asked what my greatest fear was, and I could only reply, I can’t get into that right here cause then I’d get really emotional… and of course he made me promise to call him later to talk and so on and so on… I guess it threw him off because I’m not the most emotional person in general (I can be sensitive, but I hardly ever show my vulnerable side to people, not even to him when we dated) and it threw me off just cause it was so unexpected and I never planned on reacting that way… so, anyways, all that got me to thinking about what I really want to do… I was planning on going back to grad school next year to get an MBA, mind you I already have a master’s degree and I have a good full time job… and I was talking to one of my co-workers and I think the idea of going back to school would help to delay my fear of what’s next and not necessarily help me to solve the current issue at hand, which is what do I really want to do… going back to school would give me the opportunity to learn more, earn another degree, but more than that it would give me a chance to meet new and different people (Nigerians) and I would hope that it would open other opportunities for me to explore and find what I want to do.
I didn’t call SS like I promised I would, cause I wasn’t ready to talk about it, especially not with him cause I know he’ll make be completely open and honest with him and I dunno if I’m ready to do that… I did however, text him and apologize for tearing up during our conversation and he said he wanted to make sure I was ok and he reassured me that he was there for me whenever I was ready to talk…
On a side note, SS is such a great person, may times I wondered why we stopped talking/dating… he’s a great guy, so sweet and kind and considerate and we’ve always had that chemistry between us, but I guess some people you’re just meant to be friends with… either way, I’m grateful for him and his friendship…

Now I’m off to go try and figure out what the heck is wrong with me, or at least figure out what the heck I want to do with my life….

my gym guy - part II

So as I left work Wednesday on my way to the gym, I was thinking how come I never run into my gym guy, IN, outside the guy (like even in the parking lot)… then it was as if my prayers were answered, as soon as I pull into the Bally’s parking lot, here come IN walking out, so I pull up to him inquiring where he was going and who was gonna help me thru my ab workout…. He said he was headed across the street to the mall to grab something to eat and would be back for my workout… and out of no where here I go offering: well I’m already driving, want me to take you (yeah I was quite surprised at that myself)… his response ‘yeah, I just don’t want some big guy chasing me cause he saw me getting into your car’… I laughed it off, but didn’t explicitly say that there wasn’t a big guy (as in a bf) in the picture, but I thought we were already past that… first we drove to the gas station then to the mall so he could get something to eat… and he was super polite… asking if I wanted something to eat, and if I sure and so on and so on… we got to talking about a bunch of things… found out some interesting things about him… he’s parents are still in Africa(he’s from Kenya and has the most beautiful dark skin I’ve ever laid my eyes on) and he hadn’t seen then in years and he was saying he was here by himself and then I asked you don’t have any family here and he replied, no I’m the only one here (that was his chance to inform me if he had a wife and kids… but nothing)… btw, no ring on his hand, I saw a clear view of his hand while we were at the mall (but you know that doesn’t mean he’s still available)… anyways, we chatted the entire time, it was really cool… seems like a caring person just from his behavior and the things he was saying…

Anyways, we got back to the gym and I started working out… Now, the gym I go to is 3 floors, and IN’s desk is situated on the main floor where he can see the entire main floor cause one of his walls in a window and his door opens up to the area where people do ab workout… IN never really leaves his offices too much or the front area, he doesn’t walk around the gym really or anything, so imagine my surprise when I was upstairs working on that elliptical machine when I looked up and saw IN walking towards me… he said he wanted to check on me to make sure I was doing good… and that was it, it was so cute… then he went back downstairs to his office… unfortunately by the time I got to working on my abs, he had some clients in his office and couldn’t come and talk to me as usual… but I spent most of my workout glancing at him and every time I looked up, he was there to catch my eye… and give me that gorgeous smile of his… we didn’t get to talk before I had to leave cause he was with some new clients and he couldn’t really leave them cause he was trying to get them to join and didn’t wanna lose a membership sale…

Now, when we were in the car alone or in the mall was the perfect opportunity for him to ask for my number, but he seemed rather shy for some reason… or maybe its cause he’s unavailable… who know, but I’m going to the gym later on today J… hopefully he’ll be there…

Have a great weekend… 12 miles to run on Saturday… then chilling for the rest of the weekend… gonna try to stay out of trouble, but no guarantees…

Naija for Christmas...

I know it’s a little early to be thinking about Christmas, unless you’re one of the luck few going away for Christmas, but all my friends are talking about the events going on in Nigeria this Christmas and which parties they’re gonna attend and so on and so on… Naija (Nigeria for short) for Christmas would be so sweet… believe it or not, last year (2005) was the first time I spend Christmas in Nigeria (at least as an adult)…. I usually visit during off seasons and summer time, but never had I gone to Naija for Christmas in my adult life til last year… and it was better than I could ever imagine, it was better than all the stories that I’d hear or the pictures I’ve seen… it definitely affirmed my feelings that I definitely want to move back to Nigeria.

Anyways, last year my trip to Nigeria was 4 weeks full of partying, meeting/visiting cousins, meeting all the Lagos guys (and all different types of guys), go out to clubs, doing it all… it was the best Christmas or vacation that I had taken in a long time… life was good, waited on hand & foot, shopping, going out to parties, visiting people, meeting some new friends and getting re-acquainted with old friends and cousins and family members… I honestly couldn’t have asked for a better time. I never really understood what all the hype about Christmas in Naija was about until I actually experienced it myself… what made it even better was that a lot of my friends from the states were there as well, including my best friend… and my ex, L, from London was in Naija as well… my sister and I had our own car and driver, courtesy of my aunt and uncle (who we stayed with for the vacation, since my entire immediate family lives here in the states)… my brother had his own driver and car (plus his boys were doing big things in Lagos, so they took care of him), and my mom had her own driver and car (so she pretty much left me and siblings to do as we pleased)… every day was so much fun and every evening we were scheming as to where to meet up with our friends and what clubs were hot for the night and so on… the clubs played the best reggae I’ve ever heard (and I love me some reggae and I can wine with the best of them)…
I mean, the whole experience was an eye opener for me… made me appreciate my culture so much more… every night was an adventure and I would so love to go back this Christmas… but I can’t, I got too much on my plate to go this Christmas, but I’m planning on going in March for my cousin’s wedding and then again next Christmas (2007)…

Don't get me wrong, i did miss my usually Christmas in the states, i did miss all of my family traditions cause half the fam was in the states and half was in Nigeria... and i'm definitely glad we'll all be together this year for christmas (except for my older brother who is going to Nigeria (and yes I am jealous I can't go again this year, but there's always next year))...

I eventually wanna move back (and needless to say, most people think I’m absolutely crazy for wanting that since I’ve spent most of my life in the states)… Nigeria is part of who I am… and there is so much potential in that country, they just need a few focused, honest and motivated young people to direct it in the right path…
(and yes I do realize visiting Nigeria during Christmas time isn't a fair representation of what Nigeria is like throughout the year and it doesn't means that I will enjoy living there on a more permanent basis… I am very well aware of that and prepared to make the necessary sacrifices when the time comes (but fortunate for me, the sacrifices won't be too many :-))… I always manage to mention that to a guy when I’m dating him just to ensure that he’s aware of my future intentions…. like my ex, L, he even started looking for jobs in Naija… but that ended when we ended… ) anyways, I’m not saying I’m moving there today or tomorrow or even next week… but when I’m good and ready, I’ll be making the trek back to the motherland for good :-)… can’t wait!

my college crush...

first, let me say I am NOT boycrazy... anyways on with the story...


Ok, so you know how there’s that guy that you are friends with and you’ve had a crush on forever… well I have one of those… there’s this guy from college, SO, met him my freshman year back in 2000 in college… Quick background: we were always friends in college and always spoke, and we always had that connection cause we were both Nigerian… but in college he was very focused on education and very religious. He was the perfect guy in every girls mind at my school. We all use to just wonder what was up with him… I mean, he was smart, focused, handsome, well dressed, polite… he was the perfect guy, and thru out college he didn’t date a single girl just cause of his religious beliefs and so on… so anyways, after school ended he stayed in the area of where we went to school and I promptly moved back to Bmore… and we’d talk occasionally and would run into each other at homecoming and other events… anyways, last December he moved to DC… this was the opportunity. And he had matured a lot since our college years, he was still religious but more experimental, like he went out to clubs, parties, drank and all… it was nice to see a different side of him. And even though he lives just up the street in DC, we don’t hang out too often cause of schedules, but we talk fairly often and do get a chance to get together every once in a while…

Anyways, so when I had my party in the beginning of September, a lot of things came out… Needless to say my party was a blast and I drank way more than I should have, but that’s a story for another day… anyways, the party was cool, SO bought me my first drink at the party (it was at a club in DC)… anyways, a few days after the party as I was going thru pictures of the party, I began to notice a pattern… there are A LOT of picture of me and SO, dancing, hugging, holding hand and so on (SO had a good amount to drink that nite as well, but he was not drunk)… at first I thought maybe its just my pictures that are like that, but as I began to check out my friends’ cameras and pictures, it was a reoccurring theme in everyone’s picture, me and SO, we pretty much together the entire night… and then of course people began uploading pictures on to Facebook and tagging me… that’s when I realized how bad it was, there a bunch of pictures from some many people tagging me and him in pictures and then of course, the comments started coming in… are you guys dating or you guys look good together and so on and so on.. I promptly removed most of the tags of me and SO on facebook… now it wouldn’t be a big deal cause SO isn’t on facebook, but when one of our friends from college calls him to ask SO if he and I were dating, imagine me turning bright red… anyways, a couple of weeks ago me and my girl AB had an happy hour, and SO came thru… and towards the end of the happy hour as we were getting ready to leave and it was just me and SO talking, he all of a sudden asks, so where’s your boyfriend… WHAT??? That’s a topic me and him have NEVER talked about… and in return, I asked where’s his gf… he claims he doesn’t have one… we actually talked about it for a few minutes before our convo was interrupted… then yesterday I went to my friend’s housewarming party, which happened to be about 5 blocks from his place, so I called him to see if he was coming, and I told him I was only staying for an hour cause I had to get back to Bmore to get some stuff done and that’s we talk later… approximately an hour after our convo he calls me back saying oh, I’m not gonna make it to the housewarming before you leave, wanna stop by my place for a few minutes… so I headed over and hung out with him for a few minutes, met his cousin (his cousin is really cool…)… we talked for a bit… then I headed out and SO is like oh, let me walk you to your car, I wanna see this new car of yours and so on… there’s always that tension, its not really an awkward tension or anything like that, its more like we both are aware of the situation, but never really do anything about it

Truth is, I still kinda like SO, but I dunno if its because I feel like he’s unattainable or is it because he seems so perfect from the outside… would I really date him, if given the opportunity… probably, just to see what could happen…
It was cool to see him yesterday though (it was the highlight of the weekend), I always enjoy my time with him… Every time I hang out with SO on a one on one basis, all this just always pops into my mind….

Hmmm…. Going to the gym this afternoon :-)….

my gym guy...

Its just been a looonnnggg week for me… no reason in particular, it just has been… I’ve stepped up my working out… I usually work out 6 days a week to train for the marathon I’m preparing for, but this week I was more focused, my workouts were longer, more dedicated, more focused and more exhausting. The cute guy that works at the gym came out to me yesterday during my work out to be like “wow, you’ve been really working hard lately”… in mind I was think, so you’ve been watching me then, score! Ok, so here’s the deal, there is this FINE man that works at my gym, let’s call him IN, … he’s is tall, dark and oh so handsome… he actually is enough motivation for me to go to gym… he always comes and talked to me during my workouts (not a one minute chat, but a 5/10 min chat) and he just always so nice… he’s older than I expected (he’s 34) which usually would bother me, but for some reason it doesn’t bother me at all (but then again he doesn’t look a day over 26/27 yrs old)… anyways, we got to talking about a bunch of different things on various occasions.. and he’s asked in 2 or 3 ways about whether or not I had a boyfriend… which I kinda always brush off, but always tried to sorta let him know that I didn’t have one… but then I couldn’t decide if he was married or not… I once noticed a ring on his left hand, but I don’t know if it was on his ring finger… and now every time I try to look, his hands are casually in his pockets… but he definitely flirts with me… and like I said he is eye candy… hmmm… I actually know more about him than I do my own trainer (who works at the same gym and I do spend a fairly good amount of time with my trainer)… One time he even said ‘I don’t understand how we have such beautiful and success single women in this world’... yeah, I was blushing, but I tried to play it off… I dunno, but I do have to admit that I like the attention from him… you know, that fact we catch each other’s eyes at the most random moments, and he gives me that winning smile (even when he’s with a client) or just the fact that he keeps up on my progress and also asks how things are going and so on…
one of these days, when I go to the gym early and its not crowded and we’re having one of our casual convos, I’m probably bring it up or just ask him… especially since he’s asked me or inferred about where or not I had a boyfriend like 3 separate time… but then again I don’t wanna seem to forward! Wish I could go to the gym today… but I can’t, a sister is getting her hair braided this afternoon… YES!!! Can’t wait to get my hair done and be looking all fresh… its gonna be a good weekend!

happy Friday everyone!

my weekend...

What seemed like what would have been another chill and relax (code for dull) evening at home turned out to be quite interesting… was talking to my friend, AO, online… asking why he was still at work at 7:30pm on a Friday evening (he works a 9 to 5 job)… anyways, after a few minutes of talking, he said he’d call me later… I didn’t think much of it… it was just a way to end the convo… til he called me like an hour later, talking about let’s hang out… now, me and AO, use to hang out/talk /date for a few weeks back in the spring, but we haven’t really hung out in a while and we don’t really talk that often… anyways, with my sprained ankle I wobbled myself up and got dressed to go over and watch a movie with… it was cool, although I didn’t intend on staying long, I ended up spending the night at his place just cause I had to be in DC really early in the morning and he lived closer to DC than I did (he live 15 minutes away from DC, where as I liked 50 minutes away from DC, so you see it made perfect sense)… and No nothing happened, which was cool with me… it was nice just to be able to hang out with him and know he wasn’t expecting anything to happen… we talked about a bunch of things… watched a movie… fell asleep… it was really nice actually… anyways, I always wondered what could have been with AO… but due to circumstances that happened earlier this year (read these earlier posts... both are about AO... post 1 & post 2 ), I doubt that things will ever really progress past friendship with AO… which on one hand is cool, cause he’s such a great guy, really sweet, the perfect gentleman, the perfect friend to lean on… but that’s also what would make him a great bf… doesn’t matter now though, cause we’re in the friend zone… hmmm, if only….

The rest of the weekend was cool… relaxing… One of my friends, JB, actually, he use to be my best friend (maybe still is) really proved himself to me this weekend… I had kinda started to lost some faith in him, cause his attitude at times was not best and then we weren’t hanging out as much and things were just different between us… but he, JB, proved to me this weekend that he does value me as a friend and supports me in the things that I do… made me really appreciate him & our friendship… spent all of Sunday at his house and I realized how much I missed him and just our time together and our conversation and everything between us… it was cool…

PS… I did manage to run the 10 miles on Saturday, even with my ankle hurting… but its almost back to a 100% now… so I’m back on track…

its friday... good guy/bad guy???

Its finally friday, which would usually put a smile on my face :-)... but when i got out of bed this morning, my ankle was hurting.... now that wouldn't be a big deal except that I'm training for a marathon and I have to run 10 miles tomorrow (saturday) morning.... hmmmm.... and i know i should take it easy, but i have to run tomorrow... gotta ice up my ankle for the rest of the evening if i want a chance to even be able to run tomorrow...

anyways, on to more interesting things... last weekend while at work, there was a CD playing at work and this guy asked if i could make him a copy, asked me to jot down my number so he could call bout the CD... no biggie in my mind... since we were busy, I wrote my number down, passed him the piece of paper and went back to work... and as he walked out he menioned something like he once had my phone number. I was like, ok... but was too busy to engage in convo with him...
then he calls me yesterday evening... and I kinda was just a bit thrown off... and to tell u the truth, i don't even know his name... I tried to ask, but can't really hear him whenever he says his name.... he's a regular at the place where i work, or at least i've seen him before and thought he was aiight looking and was kinda interested, but never really thought much more past that... and now he's all talking bout when am i gonna make time to hang out with him... hmmm, can we have a few convo's before I decide if i even want to hang out with you... guess we'll see where this goes... sad thing is that i'm not very excited... i don't know if it just cause i'm in a really chill mode in life at the moment or what...
I'm trying to keep my options and mind open about this situation... only time will tell...

looking forward to a nice and relax weekend... gotta get some studying done for the GMAT and work on some applications for B School...


On a completely different note... I was talking with my friend, YA, earlier this week... and we were having a heart to heart about a bunch of things... YA and I use to hang out and chill, but we never really developed into any much just cause he had a lot going on and so did I... and he started tripping (which he later apologized for) and i didn't have the patience to deal with it... anyways, we eventually became friends and now we talk fairly often... anyways, he was talking about his gf, and how hard it is for him not to cheat on her... especially since she's away at school over an hour away... they had the convo, where she said that he could pretty much do anything he wanted, just as long as she didn't know about it and he didn't disrespect her... so basically she gave him the pass to pretty much cheat on her as long he keeps it under wraps... I was like WHAT... well, ok, I do kinda understand where she may be coming from, but she's just so young and naive (she's 3 years younger than me & YA)... I honestly couldn't do it... I couldn't be dating a man, if he wasn't all about me and only me... and even though he has this pass from his gf to do whatever he wants, he says he's trying to be a good boy and not do anything, that he doesn't want her to settle... which would definitely make him the good guy... I just don't understand why a girl would allow a guy to cheat on you, much less tell him its ok as long as she doesn't find out about it...
Now YA would have been the good guy, except when I texted him later that same night, he replied and the first half of the text made no sense at all, it was a little suspicious... then he texted me again say oh, that i shouldn't pay attention to the first half of the last text he sent me earlier, that he sent the wrong text... its interesting cause the text he told me disregard was a text about meeting up with someone and hanging out (and No, not the hanging out with your boys type of text, the type of text that you send to a girl...)... anyways, that just left me wondering if all that BS he said about how he was trying to stay focused and not cheat was all a bunch of BS and that he was still doing whatever it was he wanted to do, but just keeping it under wraps... i honestly don't know, but i do hope that he's not cheating... cause what goes around comes around... so for his sake and even more for his girlfriend's sake I hope he's not cheating on her...

busy week...

Life's been so busy lately... been crazy busy with all my community/volunteering activities, trying to study for the GMAT, starting applications for B School and then been on business travel for the last 3 days... went to San diego for work for a few days... I totally understand why people live there... the weather was great, the view was beautiful, the life style was extravagant to say at the least... I could totally see myself moving there... got back on a red-eye flight last night and back at work this morning... should have taken the day off, but I have all theses deadlines and meeting later on today... and i of course had to catch up on emails... anyways, nothing new here... once i get myself up and running again and catch up on email, i'll be back to write more... later...

the sign

You know how when you're trying to make a tough decision and you really need a sign or something to tell you you're going in the right direction... well I feel like I got that sign... that maybe going to London for school next year is the right thing for me, alot of things that i was worried about fell right into place (which doesn't happen to me often) and I've been beaming all day with the confidence that I recieved the sign that i asked/prayed for... now i just have to make sure I'm get everything straigthen out and done if i do plan to do that next year... i'm going make it an option available to myself... I may not go, but i'd rather have options to choose from when the time comes rather than feeling stuck and not having any options to choose from later.... all I have to do is tackle the GMAT, after that its smooth sailing...

Truth or Dare

Truth from epsilonicus : If there was one more thing you could say to TO or L, what would it be??

to TO... you had the potential to be a great partner in a relationship, you would be any and everything that a woman would appreciate in relationship but you choose not to follow that potential and instead to became a screw-up... No i don't hate you, hating you would mean that I'm still invested in you... I've come to a point of indifference when it comes to you, you're not worth the time it takes to hate someone... Hate is not the opposite of love, the opposite of Love is indifference-- the point of not caring one way or the other about the individual...
(TO really thinks I hate him or at least he use to til recently... not we're associates, but i never got to tell him the statement above... )

to L... u underestimate me... u always have in one way or the other... no i'm not considering coming to London simply because of you (it may have crossed my mind, but it is not a significant or sufficient reason for me to move) if i came it would be for my own enrichment, yes i speak better yoruba than you think... no, my world didn't end forever once we broke, i'm stronger than u think... yes i'm capable of loving someone with my whole entire heart... yes i am nicer than you give me credit for... yes, I am more patient and understanding than u assume (but u never give me an oppurtunity to be patient with u until recently, u usually just get mad at me for no reason and stop talking to me for a while)... yes, you r older than me, but that doesn't mean u should put me down or make me feel like my feelings don't matter (you didn't do it often, but it did happen)... yes I am very sensitive regardless of how 'tough' I may appear, yes I'm not a neat freak, but I am organized & efficient, yes i go out alot (at least I use to) but I know when to put a limit on it, yes i bite my tougue around since we've been broken up because there somethings i just can't say to you, and yes, despite all of these things, I still love you (as a person/friend) because you are a great person overall.

Dedicated to the first real loves of my life…

its kinda of a long post... but it explains how i got to position of where i am with relationships/guy now... here goes...

Part I: OF... it was puppy love

Dedicated to the first real loves of my life…

Have you ever been so intoxicated with someone, I mean everything about them made you smile… even the stupidest things… well, that’s how I felt about first love… I was the tender age of 20 years old, sometime in the beginning of my junior year in college… I came home from school for the weekend when I ran into him, TO… the moment he smiled at me, it was all over, it was like I fell in love with him at that moment… we became friends very quickly and we talked all the time on the phone… when I was away at school… he was the first person I thought of and talked to in the morning and before I went to bed… I wake up to my alarm clock excited cause as soon as I turned the alarm clock off, I knew I was gonna dial my baby’s number to talk him (if he hadn’t already called me)… it was a feel so mutual between us that when people saw us together, they didn’t need to ask if we were together, it was written in very motion, word and everything we did… it was hard doing a long distance relationship, but I came home often enough to visit him and I changed my summer plans and come home for the summer and got myself an apartment on campus so that we could have all the privacy in the world… the summer before my senior year I came home and took summer classes a college in my hometown, got an apartment on campus so I would be able to spend time with my man… he practically lived there… he had the freedom to come and go and he pleased into my apartment/room… I met his mother that summer, we got along fabulously… everything was just right… he loved and cared about me simply the way I was (even though I was a little chubby those days) he accepted me as I was and I loved him for it.. I thought that I had found the man of my dreams… he thought me so many things about what I wanted in a partner and a lover… he taught me to how to appreciate myself more and for all those reasons, he will always have a place in my heart and I’ll will never forget him… he also taught me the lesson that all good things must come to an end… that summer ended with him cheating on my with his ‘plan B’ girl as he called it… said he didn’t want to get hurt with being in a long distance relationship so when he met this random girl that summer, he made her his plan B, incase things didn’t work out with us… that shit never made any sense to me and it still doesn’t… but because he was not only my man, but also my best friend, I forgave him… (well, I forgave him after he stalked me for like 3 weeks)… and I left and went back to school early with no goodbye… I just needed my space… we eventually because associates/friends again… but he managed to ruin that to, but corning me one day at party and saying all these things that were inappropriate at the least and then he did some other things that I didn’t agree with… so I decided I had to give him up… stopped talking to him completely towards the end of the summer after I graduated… I was all geared up for grad school and I didn’t need any distractions especially not from TO… shortly after I stopped talk to TO, I met L (the ex, that I talk about on this blog all the time)… he came into my life so unexpectedly, but with such perfect timing…


Part II: the story of L

Just when I had giving up on all hope for love… here come L to save the day… L turned my entire life upside down (in a good way)… he made me realized that I never knew what love was until I met him… I guess I had matured in the year and a half since TO and I had stopped dating, because the way I felt for L was incomparable to anything else I’d ever felt… the thought of him was enough to make me smile for hours… we became friends very quickly and soon after started dating (even though he stayed in London… and I was here in the states)… L was everything I wanted in a boyfriend, best friend and companion… we complimented each other’s personality… about 2 months after meeting L, I made my first trip to London to go visit him… the trip was amazing… in every aspect… now he was someone that I thought I would grow old with, but things didn’t happened way… L took such really good care of me, it felt so natural to fall asleep in his arms every night and wake up next to him in the morning, I felt like I had found my place on earth… the place I was meant to be… we had out little arguments and disagreements, but overall the trip was a great one… The relationship would transformed me in a way that I never imagined… when I left London after that trip, I knew in my heart of hearts that something was up… that something during the trip had changed our relationship… I still can’t pinpoint what it was exactly but future events later lead me to see that our relationship was not going to make it… I was so angry with him when we broke up that February… I had so much to say to him that I couldn’t but eventually did… by the time we broke up I was so unhappy, frustrated and angry… I know he had a lot of things going on which contributed to our break up, but I don’t think he had a clue of what was going on with me between December until we broke up in February, there was so much going on with me with school, work, my family and he just wasn’t there for me… I honestly did try to be there for him during his issues and didn’t want to add any stress to him by letting him know that I had a bunch of stuff that was going on with me as well, but it was a lot for me to bare by myself… his issues, my issues, the stuff my family was going thru, keeping it all to myself because I couldn’t share any of it with the one person that I needed the most at that time, and trying to deal with our deteriorating relationship and keep it together… I never really told him all the stuff that I was going thru even after we broke, there was no point…he broke up with me the day before Valentine’s Day… who does that!?! He even asked me if I thought he was doing the right thing by breaking up with me… WHAT??? how could he ask that… if one person wants to break up, then that it… anyways, we broke up… didn’t really speak for a while, but a few months down the line we started talking again… and here we are now… After L and I broke up, a lot of things changed about me… my approach to a lot of things definitely changed… I definitely learned a lot from this experience… it thought me a lot about what I want in a partner and what I don’t want… what I can deal with and how to approach issues that bother me… and fortunate for me, it didn’t rob me of all my hope for love, it actually encouraged me… L cared about me in a way that I didn’t know was possible, it was so unconditional (at the time) and I was able to care for him in the same manner and it gave me hope that Love is possible, now I just have to find the right person… I’m more patient with people than I used to be in some sense, but I’m also more strict in the sense that if I see something that I don’t like or can deal with, I either try to resolve it right away or I just leave the situation alone all together, no point getting caught up in a situation when I know its not gonna work for me… While TO was definitely the first person I fell in love with, L was definitely my first adult relationship where I was truly able to express my love for him whole heartedly…

what's next for me...

its monday and another weekend has gone by... right now i'm in a state of confusion... i been contemplating the idea of going to do a one year MBA program in London… I’m not quite sure how the idea got planted in my head or when I actually first considered it, but now its on my mind all the time and I’m definitely giving it some serious consideration… I’ve mentioned it to a few significant individuals in my life to get their take on it… my dad say whatever I want to do, he’ll support but I just have to be mindful of the future (in other terms, when am I getting married)… my sister thinks it’ll do a lot of good for me and that i can still do it cause I’m definitely young enough to do it and i still have time… my ex,L (who lives in London) things it’ll be a good idea if I’m coming for education and to enrich myself as an individual (in other words, he wants to make sure that I’m not coming for his sake, to be with him or to explore the option of him & I getting back together… I guess that’s understandable)…. And the one person I haven’t talked to yet, it my oldest brother, he has a lot on his plate at the moment so I don’t want to stress him anymore than he already is, but his opinion is so important… I’ll have to find a moment to ask him what he thinks… beside all of the opinions and so on, I think it would be good for me for some many reasons, I can move on to the next stage of life, pursing a mba is definitely something I’ve wanted to do for a while, living in London would be a great experience (so much culture, fashion and etc)… and London may give me the opportunity to meet the man of my dreams, it would take me away from all the semi-relationships that I get involved in, and all the usually people that are around here in MD… I’d hopefully be able to meet someone and not worry about who his last girl was and so on and all the drama that comes with a small Naija population… the negatives… I’d miss a year out of the lives of my nephew and niece and my entire family and that would be so hard for me… I know what its like to be away, when I went away to another state for undergrad, I felt like I missed out on so much with my family, but I also felt like it was the best decision I every made to go to an out of state school, I really learned a lot about myself and who I wanted to be… and I’d never exchange that experience for anything… and it made me appreciate my family much more when I did move back home after undergrad…

but then again I think, maybe moving to London is not the solution, maybe its just be running from whatever it is here that I don’t like… I just don’t know… but for now, I’m gonna proceed with caution… gonna weight all my options, look at all the advantages & disadvantages of going to school abroad or just living my day to day life here… decisions, decisions, decisions…

hi5...

so i'm on this online community called hi5... and people send u messages and so on... i'm not big on responding to strangers especially to individuals who don''t have apicture of themselves up on their site... and of course you get the random messages from random people... some guy starts sending me messages that i ignore at first, but he kept sending messages so i just replied and asked who he was since he didn't have a picture... anyways, he eventually stopped sending me messages.... then i got a message this evening, say i looked nice in the outfit that i work to a wedding I went to yesterday... it was just a little creepy... why didn't the person just come say something to me at the wedding... it was just weird to have someone sending me a message like that... makes me want to avoid using hi5...
but i did run into some rather cute guys at the wedding reception... looking all nice in their native and all, i like seeing guys in their native... i would have taken the time to meet some of them but i was dead tired after a long day of running/working out and then going to work and so on...

giving up...

So i've come to the realization that GC is just out of his ever lasting mind & that i'm done with him, at least for now... he's tripping and i'm not one to take all this BS from a guy no matter how much I may like you... sometimes it just not worth the trouble... the issue with me is that i hate burning bridges, I'm actually more concerned about trying to save what little of a friendship we had left and not about being together or trying to be in a relationship with him... we has such a great friendship (at least i thought we did) and that's why i was being so persistant in trying to still be his friend... but at some point, I just give up... i can only do or try but so much... and I think i've reached my limit with GC... i have one more things i need to do over this weekend before i completely write GC off... I don't like writing people off, but i can't go around chasing people, its just not my style...

finally the weekend is here :-)... it was a crazy crazy week at work... barely got a chance to sit down and do anything... had crazy long meetings that lasted 9+ hours each day for four days... that's not a freaking meeting... it more like detention!
Gonna chill this weekend... go work out some. go running... nothing too excited plan, but you never know theses days...

him... part 2

Back to him…. GC… the guy from my last post… well, I felt that I needed to write about him to get him off my mind and outta my head… writing about it doesn’t change how I feel about him or the situation, but it does make me a feel a whole hell of a lot better about things… writing things tends to do that for me… anyways on to the rest of the story… we stopped talking shortly after I saw him at the end of June, honestly I don’t why we stopped talking… but I felt like he was brushing me off and I wasn’t about to put myself out there so I stopped calling and he did the same… well we got back into contact in the middle of September… and I asked him why he stopped talking to me, and he simply turned it around and said he thought I had stopped talking to him and he not the type to stalk people and that he just took the hint (or at least what he thought was a hint from me)… ok, fine then… we’ve talked maybe once since then and that was like 3 weeks ago… and now every time I call or text him, he doesn’t even bother to respond… but every once in a while I’ll get a text from him saying ‘oh, I’m stressed’ or ‘my bad, been busy’… what am I suppose to take that as… I do understand if he’s busy, but is he really busy every time I call/text him… he says that’s not the way it is, well that the way it seems… I even made it easy for him, told him that all he had to do was text me to stop, and I’d never call or text him again, and he can’t even do that… anyways, its driving me crazy, but now I just have to put it out of my mind… that’s all I can do!


"After the storm after the rush after the heat of the moment has passed we can cool off and clean up the messes we’ve made" ~Meredith Grey thanks for the quote AI
It may be to harder to clean up the mess than you think… can we even clean up things after the little falling out me and GC had… maybe we can’t just go back to the way things were especially after not talking for over 3 months… maybe…

him...

There’s this guy I use to hang out with, GC… he pursued me, but he did it in such a classy and sophisticated way that I could not help but to fall for him, it also helped that I was very attracted to him as well… anyways, after a couple of months of running into each other, calls, exchanging emails, we finally decided to hang out… and that’s when it all started… after that we started hanging out pretty regularly and we talked on phone often as well… before I knew it he was the only male I was concerned about… yeah I still have other things on my mind and issues to deal with… but being with him and spending time with him was always the best part of my week… it wasn’t that I was just physically attracted to him, but I was attracted to him in every way possible… he was intelligent, well spoke, driven… he had the entire package… and when we started hanging out, neither one of us were looking for a relationship (me cause I was still trying to get over my ex and him cause he was enjoying his youth… so it seemed like a perfect match for the both us!) We use to talk about any and everything; we used to talk for hours about anything… About 3 months into hanging out with him, I realized that I really liked him… I mean really, really liked him, I mean I was willing to give up every other guy I was interested in or talking to… but in the back of my mind I knew that he wasn’t looking for a relationship ( I mean I guess his feeling could have changed within the last couple of months like mines did), but I didn’t want to ruin a good things… so slowly I started to pull away, stop hanging out with him as much, not talking to him as much on the phone and so on, blamed it on school saying that my last semester is difficult and stressful (which it was)cause I had to finish my capstone project to get my masters degree… he took the hint well, but we still stayed in touch, talked every once in a while and to be truthful I really did still like him… a few months went by of not really seeing each other (just talking on t he phone and stuff cause he liked like 45 minutes away)… then on memorial day weekend I ran into him a mutual friend’s cookout… damn it, he looked as good as I remembered and I realized just how much I missed him… everything about him, from his jokes, to his smile, the simple way he used to hold me and just wanted to talk about any and every thing, the way he would always say don’t leave yet, and everything about him… anyways, it was really good to see him, and I assumed that he felt the same way… we chilled together while at the cookout catching up and stuff… but shortly after we both left there, he was calling me and there I was so happy to see he wanted to see me and hang out just as much as I wanted to… even after seeing him at the cookout I just didn’t know what to do, so I still kept my distance from him, but we talked more often and he was joke about how I abandoned him and how he would joke that I was the ying to his yang, it was the cutest thing ever… two weeks later, I went on vacation to the UK for 2 weeks, not being able to talk to him drove me crazy…. Absolutely crazy… so I texted him while on vacation and told him how much I miss him and we decided to hang out once I got back into the states… I called him the day I got back from vacation and we talked, he asked me to come over but I was too tired… the next day after work, I went to go see him… I guess I didn’t realize how much I had missed him, I just couldn’t stop smile when I saw him… it just felt so natural to be with him… it was so great just being in his presences and before I left, he was like when do I get to you again, and my reply was whenever you want to... and I meant that… well, that was the last time I’ve seen him… and that was the last week of June… and here we are in October… to say I miss him would be an understatement…

You know the issue with having an anonymous blog, is that its anonymous, but that's also the great thing about it... I made the mistake of mentioning to my ex, L, that i had a blog and now he wants to read it.... by all means, i wouldn't have an issue with that except for some of the posts are about him or have mentioned him in then... but then again, i think most of the stuff is stuff that he already knows... except for maybe he doesn't realize how sensitive i am or can be when it come to him in general... oh, i wish i had kept my mouth shut...

as I was talking to one of my co-workers, i realized what today was... is the 25th of September (it was two years ago, on this date that i met my ex, L ...) its weird that i still remember, but i'm a dates/numbers type of person... anyways, that's not really an excuse, but it was just something that popped into my head...

today is one of those days at work where u feel like doing absolutely nothing and hope that the next time you look up it'll be time to go home... i'm going to go and look like i'm busy...

Its Friday!

Its finally friday... now usually on a friday i leave work early... head straight to the mall to go find a new outfit to wear out tonight... go home for a few minutes... then head out to a happy hour with my girls, then jump from bar to bar or party... oh, how i miss those days (granted all that just stopped 2 weeks ago... but whatever)... that was a typical friday for me... you could always bet on me and my two girls, AB & NN, to go out on friday nite, party all night then pass out in the weee early hours of the morning... but now i'm looking forward to a nice long workout at the gym, a little running (bout a mile or two)... then go home cook dinner, relax... maybe a little tv, then off to bed cuz i gotta be up early for my running in the morning... now, y the drastic change in life style, well first of all i've partied enough for a while i needed a break and secondly i'm preparing for a marathon (26.2 Miles) that's in January and i want to make sure that i com both physically and emotionally ready for this hugh change... and honestly I don't mind the change in weekend events cause now i'm more rested and i feel better in general... and it helps on cutting out the drinkin and all that great stuff... AB & NN are running in this marathon as well, so they're not going to be partying or going out quite as much either... I may go out on saturday evening though, it my cousin's birthday (you know how in Nigeria everyone is your cousin/aunt/uncle...) so i may go out with them (still on my 2 drink limit) even though i'm not on the best terms with this cousin... she over stepped her position and i quickly had to let herknow i didn't appreciate it... but that's a story for another day...

anyways, I spent most of the morning talking to my ex thru email... he lives in a different country... this is the same ex that i've written about in my early posts... anyways, my friends don't understand how i can be such good friends with him or any of my other exs... well for me, if the relationship didn't end badly (as in he was mis-treating me) then i don't see a reason for not being friends... granted i am friends with the ex that cheated on me, but it took me a long time to become friends with him and it took a big part of me to forgive him... anyways, i enjoy talking to the ex that over seas... sometimes i'm reminded of exactly why i fell in love with him and then of course there are time when i think what the hell did i ever see in him... but lucky for him the pros always outway the cons... and there is one thing about him that makes him different from the rest of my exs, he's the guy i thought i would marry and have his children, but apparently that wasn't meant to be... maybe its still possible, but who knows, i can't wait around and see i have to keep living my life and just take it one day at a time...