guys... relationships....

So last night, I was talking to a friend, D, (well he’s not exactly a friend… he’s more like a guy that I met a couple of weeks ago and after a week or so of hanging out, I decided that he wasn’t my type… and well he just doesn’t understand it, so he still calls me and we talk occasionally)… anyways, he was saying that he didn’t understand how things took such a drastic turn in events from talking to each other every day and hanging out to nothing… no calls, no texts, no hanging out… Now, I’ve a very straight forward person, but how do I tell the guy that I think he’s too young for me (age is just a number, but mentally we’re not in the same place in life… he hasn’t discovered or accepted who he is, whereas, I’m more than comfortable in my own skin)… anyways, he says its like I just don’t care… its not that I don’t care, but its more like why waste both of our time, when I already have it in my mind that its not gonna work… Also, how do I tell this guy, that far in the back of my mind, that I’d probably do anything to get back with my ex-boyfriend… My ex is such a great guy and when we were together it was great… but it didn’t last… we lived in 2 different countries, times zones and well he kinda fell into a slight depression which really put a damper on our relationship… he needed time to figure things out… Now, I’m not one for making excuses… but the guy just had a lot of things going on, I mean when his own brother (who lived 10 minutes away from him) started calling me long distance to see what was wrong with his own brother (my ex)… well needless to say, it was a serious matter… anyways, we broke up and went our separate ways, but theses day we’re like the best of friends… and even though I know that we’ll probably never get back together, I sometimes hold on to the slight possibility that it could happen… shit, anything could happen…
Anyways, back to D… how do I simply tell a guy that I may have been interested in that I’m no longer interested… I mean when I called him back yesterday, he was so surprise saying he never thought he’d speak to me again cause I just kinda disappeared… now that would have been funny (ok, it was funny cause I laughed at him when he said it)… but the strange thing is that, that’s not the first time a guy has said that to me… apparently I have a way of cutting people of completely, or intimidating them to the point where they think that I would never talk to them again…
Anyways, I guess my straight forwardness can be construed as me trying to mean or rude, when in actuality I’m just being straight with the person in the most tactful manner that I can be (depending on the situation)….

Anyways, I talked to my ex last nite, and he’ll be in town this weekend… now, he’s only gonna be around for a day and a half… but did he tell me he was coming so I could make arrangements to see him or just to let me know so that if I did find out he was in town I wouldn’t be hurt… who knows…
Crazy thing is that we’re such great friends, we talk about every and anything with one another except our romantic relationships with other people… we many joke about it, but that’s one topic that we avoid, or at least I do… he often asks me and I just kinda beat around the bush… guess I figure that if he found out that I’m dating someone that he won’t confess his true feelings of love for me :-/… but I think its also that I don’t want to have the image of some other girl being the focus in his life, especially since I’ve been there for him for so long and went thru a lot of hard times with him… we’ve been broken up for over a year and a half but somehow the time has really changed my feeling too much… cause at the end of the day after we broke up and I went thru the ‘I hate you phase’ and then “I don’t want to be friends” phrase… we eventually grew into being friends and now we talking all the time… our friendship is definitely a good one and I wouldn’t want to ruin it… anyways, enough about ex…

Maybe if I could get thru all theses feelings, I’d probably be more open to another relationships…