Its been ages since I’ve written or even checked on my blog… a lot of things have happened, but what’s been keeping me so busy that I’ve had to abandon my blog… I’ve been working on my Dissertation which I’ve finally finished and prepare to turn in in a few days… other than that, there have been a few ups and downs… so I’ve give just a brief update of the ups… this summer was a blur, there was a lot going on, I was busy trying to be studious and work on my dissertation, but in the mist of that I manage to travel the around the world as well… I went to the states for a week and a half for my sister’s wedding and then I flew around the world to China to meet up with my friends and watch the Olympics… The Olympics was an amazing experience, and visiting China for the first time was also amazing… never seen so many Asian people in my life… it was a bit of a culture shock, but it was a really good experience and I got some good shopping done while I was there…
Aside from my trips, things in London have been interesting! I’ve met some interesting guys over the summer, but none that I was interested in really pursuing anything with only because I was focused on my school work and traveling… but now that I’m about to hand in my dissertation, and I’m done traveling, I have no excuses as to why I’m single, so as my parents gently reminded me I need to focus on that part of my life… but to be honest, its not like I can make someone fall in love with me or I can’t fall in love with someone that’s not good for me, just for the sake of being with someone. The added pressure doesn’t help the situation much. I just turned 26 a few weeks ago and its not that I’m not aware that I’m getting older, but as I said I can’t force something to happen…
So now that I’m just about done with school here in London, now I need to decde what I want to do next… what the next steps are for me… do I want to stay in London for a bit, pack up and move to Nigeria or go back to the states (the states which I miss so much)… I know I’m gonna be in London at til early 2009, but I need to start thinking seriously about what my next move is… I would like to stay in London for a bit longer so I can enjoy the experience without the stress of school for a bit, but I do miss the states and not having my family around!
What other updates are there to give…. So my ex, TA, I still him around, he’s been on my mind lately, not in a romantic manner, just been wondering how he’s doing… I do talk to him occasionally, I give him a call every once in a while just to check up on him and see how’s he doing… we don’t really see much of each other these days cause I don’t go to the same clubs he usually goes… been exploring London and trying new places, which has been a good experience thus far…
On the guy scene… well lets just say that there is a guy on my radar, but I haven’t focused too much attention there just cause I’ve been so distracted… but once this dissertation is behind me, I’ll see what happens…
Aside from that, i can't wait to get back to socializing and just being me :-)...
I'm gonna try to get back into blogging... let's hope i can keep to my word!!!
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Monday, June 09, 2008
MY SATC friends...
So, I went to go see the Sex and the City (SATC) movie… and I don’t care what anyone says, it was a great movie… I cried and I laughed and I carried again and then I laughed some more… it was such a good movie, I truly enjoyed it… but then again I never doubted it in the first place, I knew the movie would be of good quality! I’d recommend it to anyone who wants to be entertained and appreciate a good movie…
The SATC movie reminded me of me and my girls… my girls from DC… it was usually four of use that hung out together, there were the 3 main girls, me, AB, and NM (it was me, AB, & NM that trained and ran the marathon together in January 2007) and then the fourth girl always rotated for various reasons… the 4th girl was usually a girl we went to college with and had just moved into the area for a short period of time.. so over a period of about two and a half years, we had three different 4th girl, it seems as one girl was leaving for one reason or another, a new girl from college would pop up and fit right into the crew…it always worked out well, since we all went to college together, although we all didn’t hang out together in college though… but last summer the crew began to unravelled… as we all began to realize were getting old… some how, turning 25 hit us all a bit hard… it was time to start making some life decisions… college was long over, we’d had our fair share of fun since then and it was time to start focusing on the future… one by one, we all started to pave our own paths… I was preparing to move to London… NM was preparing for the LSAT and going to Law school and AB was trying to find the right career… the other girls (the ones that made the 4th, 2 had obviously moved on…), but the current 4th girl, L, was just finishing grad school and preparing to get into her chosen field of study. I have to admit, it was sad when I left, having my last dinner and clubbing night with the girls was fun and simultaneously sad… it was the end of an era… every time I went back home to the states, it was a must to see my girls… it was a necessity, as it was to see my family… if nothing else, I made time to see those girls… they helped me shape such a memorable part of my early twenties… less than a year after I left NB packed up all her stuff and head to Law school in New York… and now its just AB and L left in DC… This weekend I spoke to NM, she had just started her first week of law school in NY, and already the work is piling up… we reminisced about all the good and crazy times we had in DC… the memories that can’t be replaced… the late night & early mornings, the brunches & dinners, the drinks & dates, the men and relationships… between the 4 of us, we saw it all… and we enjoyed it all! Sometimes it makes me sad that that part of my life is over, but I do realize that I shouldn’t be sad… I realize that it couldn’t have lasted forever, but that I should take those memories and simply appreciate them for what they’re worth… the pictures we have tell a million stories… the evenings you wish you could forget to the evenings you wished would have lasted just a few more hours… the secrets you shared, the secrets you kept… the fact that your friends know you well enough to know when to say when and when to let it go… the expected and unexpected things… if anyone knew me, they knew my girls… the double dates we use to do… ours was always a bit different, it was more like one of us would crash the date of one of the other girls, especially if you weren’t sure about the guy… and funny enough we never saw any issue with it, sometimes it was the guy that felt like the 3rd wheel, but we figured you might as well get use to having all our friends around since we hung together so much… it was like the date that you invite your girl friend on, without warning the guy is always a lot of fun… and boy did we have a lot of those… or how about the ‘Save me from this guy’ look/call… those were priceless and also necessary!
I know I haven’t written much about my girls, I may have mentioned them everyone one in a while, but the majority of things I did were with my girls… the marathon, my birthday party, the drinks, dates and so on… most of my weekends were always with the girls… they were so much apart of me, I assumed that everyone knew that they were always around… so much were they apart of me, their respective homes were my second homes, I pretty much spent about 1/3 of the year at AB’s place… and also at NM’s place as well… And I can’t even begin to mention the emails we use to swap at work, it was ridiculous how much we emailed each at work , trying to look busy at work, while really we were making plans for the evening/weekend… do I miss them??? more than I ever expect too… but I know that people grow up and apart and that people move away and must follow their own paths, but sometimes… every once in a while, I wish we could go back to the good old days… but I must admit when we get together theses days, from all over, we still have an amazing time, its as if nothings changed… but it certainly has… the places we choose go to are slightly different, the way we carry ourselves is a bit more mature, the things we talk about a bit more sophisticated… but the one thing that doesn’t change is the love we have for one another… the love that makes us tolerate, but more importantly accept, each other… the bond we have, although different, is still strong… and I know they’ll always be apart of my life… whether they’re close in distance or not… and when I walk down the aisle (whenever that will be), I’ll be looking over my shoulder at AB and NM, making sure that my bridesmaids are doing just fine…
The SATC movie reminded me of me and my girls… my girls from DC… it was usually four of use that hung out together, there were the 3 main girls, me, AB, and NM (it was me, AB, & NM that trained and ran the marathon together in January 2007) and then the fourth girl always rotated for various reasons… the 4th girl was usually a girl we went to college with and had just moved into the area for a short period of time.. so over a period of about two and a half years, we had three different 4th girl, it seems as one girl was leaving for one reason or another, a new girl from college would pop up and fit right into the crew…it always worked out well, since we all went to college together, although we all didn’t hang out together in college though… but last summer the crew began to unravelled… as we all began to realize were getting old… some how, turning 25 hit us all a bit hard… it was time to start making some life decisions… college was long over, we’d had our fair share of fun since then and it was time to start focusing on the future… one by one, we all started to pave our own paths… I was preparing to move to London… NM was preparing for the LSAT and going to Law school and AB was trying to find the right career… the other girls (the ones that made the 4th, 2 had obviously moved on…), but the current 4th girl, L, was just finishing grad school and preparing to get into her chosen field of study. I have to admit, it was sad when I left, having my last dinner and clubbing night with the girls was fun and simultaneously sad… it was the end of an era… every time I went back home to the states, it was a must to see my girls… it was a necessity, as it was to see my family… if nothing else, I made time to see those girls… they helped me shape such a memorable part of my early twenties… less than a year after I left NB packed up all her stuff and head to Law school in New York… and now its just AB and L left in DC… This weekend I spoke to NM, she had just started her first week of law school in NY, and already the work is piling up… we reminisced about all the good and crazy times we had in DC… the memories that can’t be replaced… the late night & early mornings, the brunches & dinners, the drinks & dates, the men and relationships… between the 4 of us, we saw it all… and we enjoyed it all! Sometimes it makes me sad that that part of my life is over, but I do realize that I shouldn’t be sad… I realize that it couldn’t have lasted forever, but that I should take those memories and simply appreciate them for what they’re worth… the pictures we have tell a million stories… the evenings you wish you could forget to the evenings you wished would have lasted just a few more hours… the secrets you shared, the secrets you kept… the fact that your friends know you well enough to know when to say when and when to let it go… the expected and unexpected things… if anyone knew me, they knew my girls… the double dates we use to do… ours was always a bit different, it was more like one of us would crash the date of one of the other girls, especially if you weren’t sure about the guy… and funny enough we never saw any issue with it, sometimes it was the guy that felt like the 3rd wheel, but we figured you might as well get use to having all our friends around since we hung together so much… it was like the date that you invite your girl friend on, without warning the guy is always a lot of fun… and boy did we have a lot of those… or how about the ‘Save me from this guy’ look/call… those were priceless and also necessary!
I know I haven’t written much about my girls, I may have mentioned them everyone one in a while, but the majority of things I did were with my girls… the marathon, my birthday party, the drinks, dates and so on… most of my weekends were always with the girls… they were so much apart of me, I assumed that everyone knew that they were always around… so much were they apart of me, their respective homes were my second homes, I pretty much spent about 1/3 of the year at AB’s place… and also at NM’s place as well… And I can’t even begin to mention the emails we use to swap at work, it was ridiculous how much we emailed each at work , trying to look busy at work, while really we were making plans for the evening/weekend… do I miss them??? more than I ever expect too… but I know that people grow up and apart and that people move away and must follow their own paths, but sometimes… every once in a while, I wish we could go back to the good old days… but I must admit when we get together theses days, from all over, we still have an amazing time, its as if nothings changed… but it certainly has… the places we choose go to are slightly different, the way we carry ourselves is a bit more mature, the things we talk about a bit more sophisticated… but the one thing that doesn’t change is the love we have for one another… the love that makes us tolerate, but more importantly accept, each other… the bond we have, although different, is still strong… and I know they’ll always be apart of my life… whether they’re close in distance or not… and when I walk down the aisle (whenever that will be), I’ll be looking over my shoulder at AB and NM, making sure that my bridesmaids are doing just fine…
Friday, May 30, 2008
Me lately...
I’ve been on a hiatus… of course without fair warning, I just disappeared from the Blog world… this is because of many reasons… I started this Blog as a means of getting the thoughts in my head out of paper and well, out of my head… a means of expressing how I was feeling and my opinions and being able to go back and reflect on them, a way to keep up with my life and the excitement, a way to look back and think about my past mistakes and so on… when I started this blog, I was going thru what I called a Mid-quarter Life Crisis (please refer to my first blog entry)… but since then, a lot has changed in the last two years… I’m not necessarily closer to actually knowing what I want to do with my life, but I am much more aware of what I don’t want… actually that’s not a true statement, I am closer to figuring out what I want, its just that the path I’ve taken is not the one I originally expected to take and because of that, it has made all the difference… and well, isn’t that what life is all about, taking each experience for what its worth… I’ve been thru a lot of stages and phases in my life for the last 2 years… some of them really good places and some really low places… fighting, what at the time, felt like a losing battle with my emotions, my desires, my goals and life in general… I started this blog in a state of confusion… confusion on what I was suppose to be doing with my life as a young 20-something year old… and well, 2 years later I’m a little older and a little wiser… still perplexed about life in general, but now with a better sense of awareness, a better appreciation for life and all of its challenges and opportunities… desperate to enjoy life, but not to repeat the same mistakes, anxious to protect my heart and listen to my head, but wanting to throw caution to the wind and enjoy life for what it is… a contradiction in everything that I say and want, an oxymoron between what the head wants and what the heart needs, inconsistency between how I felt then and how I feel now… a hypocrite in every sense of the word, but yet trustworthy and dependable in every sense of those words… you see, I’ve grown… I’ve changed… to grow and to change are not the same things… I’ve grown in being who I am and fully accepting and loving myself for that… I’ve changed, I’ve changed into this person who’s realizing that I can’t change the world, I can’t change anyone, and that the only person I can change in myself; I’ve learned that I can be more tolerable than I think, I can be more giving and caring than I ever imagined, that I am more sensitive than I will admit, I am more vulnerable than I want to be, but also that I am stronger than before, that I wiser than before, that I can forgive people, who don’t necessary deserve to be forgive, that I can find the good in anyone, cause surely there is some good in all of us…
Here I am almost two years after starting my blog, and I’ve been thru a lot of crazy little escapades in life with my friends, family, and relationships… but when I look back, I can laugh at some of those things, smiles at some, shake my head at some (for how silly the situation was), but more importantly, I can see progression in myself…
At this point in life I am happy… I’ve never really been in a terribly bad situation in life, but in relation to some of the other times in my life, I am truly happy… I’m in a state of which I accept life as it comes to me, I go after what I want, while also learning to realize not to chase the things that are not meant for me, and I continue to take everything as an opportunity or as a lesson learned… I’m single, and I must admit that I’m loving it… I’m enjoying London… I’m getting the chance to meet new people, explore new things and just to take in this entire experience… as the saying goes, you only live once, and I plan on enjoying it to the best of my ability…
And while I don’t make entries into my blog, as often as I use to or as often as I’d like to, its not because I love blogging any less, its just that I have less crazy stories to tell, less complicated situations to sort, and to be honest I’m out and about enjoying myself :-)…
Here I am almost two years after starting my blog, and I’ve been thru a lot of crazy little escapades in life with my friends, family, and relationships… but when I look back, I can laugh at some of those things, smiles at some, shake my head at some (for how silly the situation was), but more importantly, I can see progression in myself…
At this point in life I am happy… I’ve never really been in a terribly bad situation in life, but in relation to some of the other times in my life, I am truly happy… I’m in a state of which I accept life as it comes to me, I go after what I want, while also learning to realize not to chase the things that are not meant for me, and I continue to take everything as an opportunity or as a lesson learned… I’m single, and I must admit that I’m loving it… I’m enjoying London… I’m getting the chance to meet new people, explore new things and just to take in this entire experience… as the saying goes, you only live once, and I plan on enjoying it to the best of my ability…
And while I don’t make entries into my blog, as often as I use to or as often as I’d like to, its not because I love blogging any less, its just that I have less crazy stories to tell, less complicated situations to sort, and to be honest I’m out and about enjoying myself :-)…
Monday, May 19, 2008
Update....
TA and I have been broken up for about two months, and to be honest, I am completely enjoying life without him… when I was with him, a majority of my life revolved around him and his wants and needs, which I didn’t really like… recently though, I found out some information about TA, that was not so good and it only reinforced to me that I made the right decision about him and I… I’ve forgiven him and moved on with life, I mean honestly what else can I do??? TA has been making appearance in my life again lately, we’ve ran into each other a few time times in the last couple of weeks, and well the interaction gets more and more interesting… The last time I saw him, which was just this past Saturday. I have to admit, we did spend a good amount of time together in the club dance together and we flirted a lot, but that was it for me… I was just enjoying myself in the club… he told me wants to talk, talk about things and just clear the air… so we’ll see what he has to say, if he ever does get around to clearing the air… although I have every reason to never speak to TA again, cause he was shady, when I see him I still speak to him and ask of his wellbeing, that’s just the type of person I am…. Yeah I know he did me wrong, and while I may not want to be in a relationship with him, I still care about him as a person and wish him all the best… TA and I have very different ways of thinking… I use to hold grudges and so on, which is what TA does, but I realized it so much easier to forgive people and just move on with life… life is just too short to be holding on to anger, if someone upsets me, I tell them and then I forgive them and move on… that’s all I can do… trust me, I forgive people for self reasons, I forgive people so I can move on… and besides karma will take care of them, cause whatever they do, will be returned to them, so no need for me to be holding grudges… TA doesn’t understand why I even speak to him after what he did, and I told him, one day he’ll realize how my brain works and he’ll finally understands me…
Anyways, despite his past actions, I do hope that one day TA and I can be friends, I actually think it’s a good possibility for the future… as long as he doesn’t misinterpret my kindness as a signal that I want to get back with him, then things between him and I will be just fine…
The single is great… and I mean that in every sense of the word… being single in London is such a great experience… this isn’t to say that I don’t want a relationship, I do, eventually… but right now I’m enjoying myself… I’m hanging out with my friends, catching up my cousins, exploring new things to do in London and so on… its nice to be able to plan my social calendar with out always consulting someone else, especially if that person is a bit controlling… well, I’ve been managing to visit a few new clubs so far… finally went to Carbon Bar – Love it… also tried out Babble – nice place, nice crowd and good music... more place to come soon... :-)...
Anyways, despite his past actions, I do hope that one day TA and I can be friends, I actually think it’s a good possibility for the future… as long as he doesn’t misinterpret my kindness as a signal that I want to get back with him, then things between him and I will be just fine…
The single is great… and I mean that in every sense of the word… being single in London is such a great experience… this isn’t to say that I don’t want a relationship, I do, eventually… but right now I’m enjoying myself… I’m hanging out with my friends, catching up my cousins, exploring new things to do in London and so on… its nice to be able to plan my social calendar with out always consulting someone else, especially if that person is a bit controlling… well, I’ve been managing to visit a few new clubs so far… finally went to Carbon Bar – Love it… also tried out Babble – nice place, nice crowd and good music... more place to come soon... :-)...
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
MIA.... again
Been MIA for a little bit… well, alots been going on… was dealing with some family stuff to deal with, went back home to the states to visit my fam and then been trying to settle in to this new job and classes and coursework has been crazy lately… sometimes I don’t know how I do it… been meeting some new people lately, and been truly starting to enjoy London… and trust me I have to complaints!!!
Going home was great, its always great to see my family regardless of the circumstances of why I have to be there… anyway, the gist of things is that my dad needed to have an operation, and it was a major operation and I wanted and needed to be there… it was hard seeing my dad in the hospital, especially right after the surgery, but within a few days of the operation, he was up and about and getting back to normal, and to say that I am beyond grateful that everything was a success is an understatement. He was still in the hospital when I left, but they discharged him from the hospital the after I left, and he’s doing quite well. As for the rest of my family, it was great seeing them… my nephews and niece are so grown, they grow up so fast… I look forward to being around in the states next year so I can be around them more… my siblings are great, and of course when I arrived in the states, it was as if I’d never left, with them ordering me around and sending me on errands… I guess some things don’t change and I’m not sure I want them to… everyone knows their place in my family!
Back to London life, and my list of clubs to visit… this last weekend, one of my friends and I went to this club called Aura… the club was ok, the music was cool, but some of the people in the club were quite entertaining… this one white girl in a black mini skirt felt it was necessary to do a split on the dance floor and then bounce up and down while in the split, so unladylike and uncute, I had to no words for that… then there were these two black girls who apparently thought they were putting on a show and we over the top… but I guess you can’t blame them… although the club was ok, I won’t be heading back there … the door man was being blatantly racist and was trying to make my friend and I pay although we were on the guest list, while he didn’t enforce that same rule to the groups of white or mixed girls… I mean I know racism still exists, but it still shocks me when I experience it in such a blatant manner. I clearly told the doorman what I thought of his little rule and how it was obvious what he was doing and that I didn’t need to get into this club cause there are tons of other clubs in Mayfair that I would have a good time at… after a few minutes he changed his so called rule and let us in free, I was already irritated at that point which put a damper on the evening…
Why in the hell did I decide that I need another degree, I’m so tired of school and the master’s program that I am in... one day I’ll go thru all the issues that exist with the program that I am, but I’ll wait til after I get my degree, cause I’m trying to jinx myself… anyways, just been busy working on an assignment that’s due in a few days… I had about 2 months to do it, but of course I waited til the last moment, but what else is new…
Work is work… but at least I like my new job…so far!!!
Going home was great, its always great to see my family regardless of the circumstances of why I have to be there… anyway, the gist of things is that my dad needed to have an operation, and it was a major operation and I wanted and needed to be there… it was hard seeing my dad in the hospital, especially right after the surgery, but within a few days of the operation, he was up and about and getting back to normal, and to say that I am beyond grateful that everything was a success is an understatement. He was still in the hospital when I left, but they discharged him from the hospital the after I left, and he’s doing quite well. As for the rest of my family, it was great seeing them… my nephews and niece are so grown, they grow up so fast… I look forward to being around in the states next year so I can be around them more… my siblings are great, and of course when I arrived in the states, it was as if I’d never left, with them ordering me around and sending me on errands… I guess some things don’t change and I’m not sure I want them to… everyone knows their place in my family!
Back to London life, and my list of clubs to visit… this last weekend, one of my friends and I went to this club called Aura… the club was ok, the music was cool, but some of the people in the club were quite entertaining… this one white girl in a black mini skirt felt it was necessary to do a split on the dance floor and then bounce up and down while in the split, so unladylike and uncute, I had to no words for that… then there were these two black girls who apparently thought they were putting on a show and we over the top… but I guess you can’t blame them… although the club was ok, I won’t be heading back there … the door man was being blatantly racist and was trying to make my friend and I pay although we were on the guest list, while he didn’t enforce that same rule to the groups of white or mixed girls… I mean I know racism still exists, but it still shocks me when I experience it in such a blatant manner. I clearly told the doorman what I thought of his little rule and how it was obvious what he was doing and that I didn’t need to get into this club cause there are tons of other clubs in Mayfair that I would have a good time at… after a few minutes he changed his so called rule and let us in free, I was already irritated at that point which put a damper on the evening…
Why in the hell did I decide that I need another degree, I’m so tired of school and the master’s program that I am in... one day I’ll go thru all the issues that exist with the program that I am, but I’ll wait til after I get my degree, cause I’m trying to jinx myself… anyways, just been busy working on an assignment that’s due in a few days… I had about 2 months to do it, but of course I waited til the last moment, but what else is new…
Work is work… but at least I like my new job…so far!!!
Monday, April 14, 2008
the weekend gist...
Well, the weekend was good… actually great, to tell you the truth… Friday night went to a club in the west end called Kabaret… it was okay, not exactly what I was expecting, but the entire evening was entertaining to say at the very least. The train ride to get to the west end was full of weirdos that were apparently drawn to me and my friend, S… anyways, S is here for a few days from the states, so I wanted to show her a good time… so the night started off pretty normal, but as we started our journey to the west end, the night took a strange turn… first we got on the train and there was this weird white guy that got on the train with us and proceeded to sit next to me… and tried to carry on a conversation when it was more than obvious that I was not trying to pay him any intentions… he was making on kinds of comments and at one point turned to me and asked ‘can we sing now’… WHAT??? Ok, so I closed my eyes and pretended I was taking a nap, but this guy had the nerve to ‘wake’ me up when he was getting off the train to get me to come with him??? Anyways, he finally gets off the train and then just our luck another weirdo gets on the train, this one was an average looking Asian guy… he sits next to my friend, S, and proceeds to start talking to her… and making dance moves… it was the funniest thing I’d seen in a long time, I couldn’t contain my laughter it was too much… so our stop finally was here, we ran off the train asap… as soon as we got thru the barrier and was headed outside, some random white guys see my friend and I, and starts hopping around, clapping his hands and singing Rihanna’s Please Don’t Stop the Music… now this was hilarious… the rest of the night was cool… we finally found the club and we went in… the club was cool, the music was ok, not as good as L promised me it would be… but you know clubs are unpredictable… we finally made it home at like 4 something and boy was a tired…
Saturday, we went to the Camden Markets, which I’d never been to, but it was amazing!!! There was so many shops and amazing things to see and buy… managed to get some things for my sisters and brothers and a really nice leather jacket for myself… been trying to get this jacket for weeks, but hadn’t found one that fit me perfectly til Saturday… it was a really good buy… after that we headed to Oxford circus to do some shopping and meet up with one of S’s friends… the afternoon was cool… later on we went to this club in Paddington, although I had decided I wouldn’t be visiting that club for a while cause it was a sure thing that I would run into TA there cause that’s his spot and he’s there every weekend, I decided to go after one of my male friends convinced me it would be fun and since one of our friends was having a party there, we had a table and everything, I decided it was worth it… I got dressed to the tee and I was looking good, knowing I would run into the dreaded ex… it would be the first time we’ve seen each other since we split… anyways, I was dancing my life away in the VIP section, when I looked over and saw TA, at first wasn’t sure what to do, so I kept dancing… after a few I went to the bathroom to do a makeup check and then I headed over towards him to say hello… but I ran into his best friend first, B… B is an amazing guy, so down to earth and easy to get along with… anyways, he was happy to see me to, so we gisted for a few minutes. B asked me if I was truly happy with my decision about TA and all and I told him that TA wasn’t willing to make small compromised to make me happy and I couldn’t live with that, and he said he understood and that he knew what type of person TA was… anyways, B encouraged me to go speak to TA… so I went up to TA, and well he acted just like I expected… he gave me a hand shake and said ‘how are you’... and I was like, I don’t even get a hug and he said why would that matter, and there truly wasn’t much else for me to say, so I said ‘I guess it doesn’t matter’ and turned around and walked away… and that was that… went back to talk to B, and told him that TA is still being an a$$... so its whatever… B and I gisted some more and then I went about dancing and mingling and doing my thing… B didn’t really know how things with TA and I ended cause he was in the states when it happened, but I gave him a quick run down… anyways, he was like keep in touch… which I plan on doing cause there’s no reason he and I can’t be friends… anyways, I was glad I finally saw him and got that out the way… anyways, the music was great that night at the club, and there was a lot of cute guys… the night was really good… had a good time, everything that run in with TA wasn’t enough to ruin my mood or the evening… I had a blast dancing, flirting and just chilling… didn’t get home til past 5 am… it was definitely a good night!!!
Of course there’s more gist about why the night was so great :-), but this post is getting to be long… I’ll continue in my next post…
Saturday, we went to the Camden Markets, which I’d never been to, but it was amazing!!! There was so many shops and amazing things to see and buy… managed to get some things for my sisters and brothers and a really nice leather jacket for myself… been trying to get this jacket for weeks, but hadn’t found one that fit me perfectly til Saturday… it was a really good buy… after that we headed to Oxford circus to do some shopping and meet up with one of S’s friends… the afternoon was cool… later on we went to this club in Paddington, although I had decided I wouldn’t be visiting that club for a while cause it was a sure thing that I would run into TA there cause that’s his spot and he’s there every weekend, I decided to go after one of my male friends convinced me it would be fun and since one of our friends was having a party there, we had a table and everything, I decided it was worth it… I got dressed to the tee and I was looking good, knowing I would run into the dreaded ex… it would be the first time we’ve seen each other since we split… anyways, I was dancing my life away in the VIP section, when I looked over and saw TA, at first wasn’t sure what to do, so I kept dancing… after a few I went to the bathroom to do a makeup check and then I headed over towards him to say hello… but I ran into his best friend first, B… B is an amazing guy, so down to earth and easy to get along with… anyways, he was happy to see me to, so we gisted for a few minutes. B asked me if I was truly happy with my decision about TA and all and I told him that TA wasn’t willing to make small compromised to make me happy and I couldn’t live with that, and he said he understood and that he knew what type of person TA was… anyways, B encouraged me to go speak to TA… so I went up to TA, and well he acted just like I expected… he gave me a hand shake and said ‘how are you’... and I was like, I don’t even get a hug and he said why would that matter, and there truly wasn’t much else for me to say, so I said ‘I guess it doesn’t matter’ and turned around and walked away… and that was that… went back to talk to B, and told him that TA is still being an a$$... so its whatever… B and I gisted some more and then I went about dancing and mingling and doing my thing… B didn’t really know how things with TA and I ended cause he was in the states when it happened, but I gave him a quick run down… anyways, he was like keep in touch… which I plan on doing cause there’s no reason he and I can’t be friends… anyways, I was glad I finally saw him and got that out the way… anyways, the music was great that night at the club, and there was a lot of cute guys… the night was really good… had a good time, everything that run in with TA wasn’t enough to ruin my mood or the evening… I had a blast dancing, flirting and just chilling… didn’t get home til past 5 am… it was definitely a good night!!!
Of course there’s more gist about why the night was so great :-), but this post is getting to be long… I’ll continue in my next post…
Friday, April 11, 2008
finding the right spot...
So… the next couple of weeks are gonna be fun… at least I hope so, I’m on a mission to get into some London’s hottest night clubs and find my new hangout spot… I’ve narrowed my list down to 12 places that I must visit before the summer ends… now that may seem like a long time, but the issue is that several of them are known for particular days, there are about 4 or 5 that great on Saturday… and 4 that are great on Friday nights, and the other are random days of the week or special event type places… and I seriously doubt that I will be going over EVERY Friday and Saturday… to be more realistic, I’ll probably go out once during the week and either on Friday or Saturday night (unless I have friends visiting, then its every night they’re in town for :-))… and its starting this weekend… heading out to check this club that my ex, L, told me about a while ago… since I’m on the topic of L (ok, not really a smooth transition, but whatever… btw, ‘But Whatever’ is my new saying… when I’m done with something or tired of dealing with it, I say my peace and end it with ‘but whatever’… ) ok, anyways, back to L… L’s in Nigeria for about a week and a half and well I miss him… not miss him like that, but miss him in the sense that he’s my email buddy, always has been for years ever since we dated back in 2004… its always a nice distraction when I’m emailing L… and my other recent email buddy is between contract jobs, so I can’t email him all days and expect him to sit in from of his computer at home for the sole purpose of replying to me email (I mean I could expect that, but I have a feeling I would be disappointed cause I doubt he’d do it… lol)… anyways, since he’s been going for a week, I’ve emailed him a fews, the first two times was cause I forget he wasn’t around and was wondering why I didn’t see him church and to find out why he hadn’t emailed me… anyways, I realized that when he moves to Nigeria at the end of the year, chances are he probably won’t be my number one email buddy again, unless he gets a good IT job in Nigeria which will allow him to sit in front of the computer and still email me (that would be ideal for me!) otherwise I’ll have to get a new email buddy… I mean I could just walk around the office, but that obviously says ‘I’m not working’ where as emailing people all day can make you appear as though you are working diligently at your desk… well expect for the random burst of laughter that I am prone to having… my email buddies send me the most random and funny things… and my email buddies in the states are 5 hours behind, so that leaves me bored all morning (now that L isn’t around and my other email buddy in London isn’t working at the moment)… I know, I could just do some work to make the time pass by… but Y would I do that??? no, but seriously I actually get a lot of work done between my emails… its amazing how I can multitask when I need to, but some how be completely clueless of my multitasking skills when its not an urgent or relevant matter…
Anyways, I’m rambling… back to my search for the right hangout spot… as I said it starts tonight, and although its raining quite hard at the moment as I look out the window, I don’t care… the rain can’t stop me J… besides, I’ve managed to stay in a good mood despite the fact that I only managed to get about 5 hours of sleep last night cause I went out and about… there’s still something about walking thru Piccadilly circus and Leicester Square at night time with all the lights and people around that fascinates me…. I’m off to focus for these last couple of hours at work before I go running out the door to find a killer outfit for tonight :-) …
Anyways, I’m rambling… back to my search for the right hangout spot… as I said it starts tonight, and although its raining quite hard at the moment as I look out the window, I don’t care… the rain can’t stop me J… besides, I’ve managed to stay in a good mood despite the fact that I only managed to get about 5 hours of sleep last night cause I went out and about… there’s still something about walking thru Piccadilly circus and Leicester Square at night time with all the lights and people around that fascinates me…. I’m off to focus for these last couple of hours at work before I go running out the door to find a killer outfit for tonight :-) …
Friday, April 04, 2008
I'm Good
Parade of pity… well no thanks… every time someone asks me, oh how’s TA doing, hope things are going well with you two and then I respond, oh we’ve gone our separate ways, they always say sorry or I’m sure you’ll find someone else and so on and so on… and I reply, no need to be sorry, I’m not… I’m not looking for a pity party, by all means I’ve had my fair share of break up and pity parties (which I normally welcomes to get my mind off things), but this time around, no thanks… I don’t need or want a pity party cause I think that things worked out the way they were suppose to and I have no regrets… I’ve been meeting so many new people lately and making time to hang out with the friends that I had slowly abandoned once I got into my relationship with TA… not typically me, but I was just got sucked into the relationship, which I guess should have been another sign… anyways, I’ve been to a few new places that I’d never even heard of, and probably wouldn’t have ever had a chance to go to in my previous situation…. Now TA and I didn’t end on the best of terms, actually we were both a bit upset, but there’s nothing I can do about that now… and while I’m good (as Kanye would say), I’m not going to pretend that my entire relationship with TA was bad or horrible, that would be a straight up lie… obviously there were enough good times, hence the reason we were together… and granted I haven’t seen him or spoken to him since we split, but I’m sure the day will come when we’ll run into each other… and when that time comes, I hope we can smile and chat like friends do, but if not then I at least hope that we can exchange pleasantries and then go out separate ways with no unnecessary drama… I honestly would like to be friends with TA, but I doubt he’d go for that… especially not now… maybe in the future… either way, I don’t like burning bridges, and as I said there were plenty of things about TA that I fancied so I’m not going to be bad mouthing him, despite some of the very unpleasant things that he did… aside from that I felt like we had built a good friendship with our relationship, so maybe one day we can be friends again, but til then I’m good… at the same time I’m not gonna deny that some times, random things remind me of him or that I don’t think about him, especially when I lay my head down to go to sleep at night, that he doesn’t cross my mind, but for me I expected that, what I didn’t expect was that it doesn’t make me cry… I would have normally expected a tear or two, but I’ve got nothing, which if nothing else is a self check that I made the best decision for me at the time…
Last night I when to a Soca club in central London… the music was great, the dancing was energetic and amazing and I just had a really good time… hadn’t danced like that in ages and it felt good to just go out dancing with some friends… not looking for a man or anything of the sort, just hanging with the girls and having a good night… and while I had a great time, I sure did regret it this morning when my alarm went off at 6:45am and I had to get up for work after like 4 hours of sleep…. I am on my second cup of coffee and its not even 10am yet… going out again to night with a different friend, going to get some drinks and then heading into the city to see what’s happening…
Life goes on and I only have two options… sit back and regret over what’s happened and let life pass me by or get on with my life knowing that I did what I thought was best for me… well if you can’t tell, I’m getting on with life and enjoying myself in London… so one of my friends is coming to visit from April 7th til the 16th, then I’m leaving with her and going to the states on the 16th til the 25th, then one of my best buddies is coming to visit from April 30th til the 5th of May, then my sister and her friend come at the end of May… even if I wanted to be sad, I don’t have the time, between making new friends, catching up with old ones, having my friends and sister coming to visit me, school, my new job (I’ll write more about my new job later) and exploring the social scene in London… so as I said.. I’m good
Last night I when to a Soca club in central London… the music was great, the dancing was energetic and amazing and I just had a really good time… hadn’t danced like that in ages and it felt good to just go out dancing with some friends… not looking for a man or anything of the sort, just hanging with the girls and having a good night… and while I had a great time, I sure did regret it this morning when my alarm went off at 6:45am and I had to get up for work after like 4 hours of sleep…. I am on my second cup of coffee and its not even 10am yet… going out again to night with a different friend, going to get some drinks and then heading into the city to see what’s happening…
Life goes on and I only have two options… sit back and regret over what’s happened and let life pass me by or get on with my life knowing that I did what I thought was best for me… well if you can’t tell, I’m getting on with life and enjoying myself in London… so one of my friends is coming to visit from April 7th til the 16th, then I’m leaving with her and going to the states on the 16th til the 25th, then one of my best buddies is coming to visit from April 30th til the 5th of May, then my sister and her friend come at the end of May… even if I wanted to be sad, I don’t have the time, between making new friends, catching up with old ones, having my friends and sister coming to visit me, school, my new job (I’ll write more about my new job later) and exploring the social scene in London… so as I said.. I’m good
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Its all over...
Hmmm... Easter weekend was great... 4 days of relaxing and chilling, couldn't have asked for a better weekend... except for having to do some work for school...
Btw, TA and I broke up, we've gone our seperate ways... so hence the title of my entry... its all over now... crazy thing is that i'm okay with this decision, at least i am for now... let's see how i'm holding up in a week... but i have a very sneaky suspicion that i'll be doing just fine :-)... besides, I know that everything happens for a reason, whether I understand the reason or not...
Btw, TA and I broke up, we've gone our seperate ways... so hence the title of my entry... its all over now... crazy thing is that i'm okay with this decision, at least i am for now... let's see how i'm holding up in a week... but i have a very sneaky suspicion that i'll be doing just fine :-)... besides, I know that everything happens for a reason, whether I understand the reason or not...
Thursday, March 13, 2008
friends with an ex...
Friends with the ex… it is possible… at least I think it, actually I don’t think it is, I know it is… I’m friends with most if not all of my exs… the thing for me is that an ex usually get to know me and understands me, so its earlier for me to ask them questions that I can’t ask a close female friend cause they don’t have the same experiences with me and an ex would… like for example, my friends think that I am very outgoing and friendly, whereas my exs tend to think I am flirtatious (and maybe I am), but the perspective is different when it comes from someone you’ve dated in the past… some of my exs turn out to be some of my really good friends simply because they already know me so well and I feel comfortable with turning to them for advice… and in return, my exs know that they can turn to me for advice or whatever cause I know them and can give them my honest opinion because we have a caring, honest, direct and straight forward attitude with one another…
anyways, I’ve always managed to be friends, or at least on good terms, with every guys that I’ve dated in the past, I don’t like burning bridges and obviously I liked you the guy at one point and there was a reason we dated and simply because we decided to go our separate ways doesn’t mean that I still don’t like or appreciate the guy as a person or as a friend… depending on how long you’ve been following my blog, you know that I have an ex in London, L… L and I dated years ago, and since we parted ways we’ve managed to become friends, very good friends… but lets be clear, we’ve friends and nothing more, we’ve never crossed that line since we broke up years ago, we’ve had our opportunities in the past (before I moved to London), but I think we’re both ok with just being friends… anyways, I was talking to a male friend yesterday and he said that type of relationship with my ex would make him a bit uncomfortable especially seeing that L and I didn’t break up on bad terms or over cheating or anything of that sort… and while I do understand his point of view, I still don’t see anything wrong with me and L being friends… I’m not the cheating type and neither is L (as he has a girlfriend, who I think he will probably marry, as they are quite happy together)… so I don’t see the issue… but to be fair, if I was on the other side of the situation and my boyfriend was really good friend with an ex, then I’d probably be a bit worried/jealous, but if I felt I could trust my man, then I’d eventually get over it… or at least I hope I would get over it…
I still talk to like 1 or 2 of my exs on a regular basis, for no other reason than just calling to say hello and see how they’re doing and vice versa… a lot of times, I forget the fact that I’ve dated them and just consider them as my friend and not as an ex… I must also mention that my exs do know that I don’t like to double dip, meaning that once I’ve parted ways with someone I usually don’t tend to attempt to make it work a second time (especially if the reason for us breaking up is a reason that’s unfixable, such as cheating or whatever it may be)… I dunno, I just want to get the thoughts of other people of this subject, my friends (my 2 girls that I always hung out with back in the states) always found it odd that I was able to remain such good friends with my exs, hang out with them and just carry on with a normal friendship with them and have them support me and vice versa… I don’t think it’s odd at all, but that’s just me…
anyways, I’ve always managed to be friends, or at least on good terms, with every guys that I’ve dated in the past, I don’t like burning bridges and obviously I liked you the guy at one point and there was a reason we dated and simply because we decided to go our separate ways doesn’t mean that I still don’t like or appreciate the guy as a person or as a friend… depending on how long you’ve been following my blog, you know that I have an ex in London, L… L and I dated years ago, and since we parted ways we’ve managed to become friends, very good friends… but lets be clear, we’ve friends and nothing more, we’ve never crossed that line since we broke up years ago, we’ve had our opportunities in the past (before I moved to London), but I think we’re both ok with just being friends… anyways, I was talking to a male friend yesterday and he said that type of relationship with my ex would make him a bit uncomfortable especially seeing that L and I didn’t break up on bad terms or over cheating or anything of that sort… and while I do understand his point of view, I still don’t see anything wrong with me and L being friends… I’m not the cheating type and neither is L (as he has a girlfriend, who I think he will probably marry, as they are quite happy together)… so I don’t see the issue… but to be fair, if I was on the other side of the situation and my boyfriend was really good friend with an ex, then I’d probably be a bit worried/jealous, but if I felt I could trust my man, then I’d eventually get over it… or at least I hope I would get over it…
I still talk to like 1 or 2 of my exs on a regular basis, for no other reason than just calling to say hello and see how they’re doing and vice versa… a lot of times, I forget the fact that I’ve dated them and just consider them as my friend and not as an ex… I must also mention that my exs do know that I don’t like to double dip, meaning that once I’ve parted ways with someone I usually don’t tend to attempt to make it work a second time (especially if the reason for us breaking up is a reason that’s unfixable, such as cheating or whatever it may be)… I dunno, I just want to get the thoughts of other people of this subject, my friends (my 2 girls that I always hung out with back in the states) always found it odd that I was able to remain such good friends with my exs, hang out with them and just carry on with a normal friendship with them and have them support me and vice versa… I don’t think it’s odd at all, but that’s just me…
Monday, March 10, 2008
Yes, I’m still alive… sorry for the disappearing act… for some reason, I feel like I’ve been apologizing on my blog a lot lately… I’m sure that has to do with the fact that I keep disappearing for weeks at a time… well, school is going as usual… sometimes I really wonder why I decided to go back to school…. who needs another degree? then sometimes I think about going back to get an MBA in the future, then I remind myself how miserable I am at times with school, so I’m pretty sure this is gonna be my last degree… Well, work is there… its work… I’m currently looking for something else cause I’m not happy where I’m at, so I hope everything works out and I can move somewhere better than I currently am… my family… I miss them, not as much as I use to, guess I’m not feeling as homesick as I use to feel, but every now and then I really miss them… talked to my nephew this weekend, he’s three years old, he’s fully of energy, spoilt and just the most adorable human being I’ve very seen, and I called him and he’s like ‘Hi DD, I miss you’… and nothing else made me more homesick than that, I miss playing with both my nephews and my niece… but I’m heading home in April and I can’t wait… gonna buy my ticket this week, once I get paid…
TA… hmmm, where do I start… I dunno about him, that’s all I’ve got to say… its weird actually, cuz the less he’s around, the less I want him around, but on the other hand the more he’s around and the more time I spend with him the more I want him around… does that make any sense at all, I guess I just have one of my moments sometimes… I do care about him a lot and I know he cares about me as well… I’m taking things one day at a time, that’s all I can do… but what I’ve come to realize lately is that he can predict me, just as much as I can predict him… which I think is quite interesting, cause that means he pays attention enough to know how I’m gonna react to things… I can’t wait til the weather gets better so we (TA and I) can go out and do things outside (yes, I know that’s random, but the weather in London sucks, and I’m not about to start walking to the train station in the rain or etc… besides a lot of the things I want to do can only be done in decent weather, like going for a walk in the park, or going to local markets, doing some tourist stuff and so on)… which leads me to another point, how do people stand the weather here... its just ridiculous... I woke up this morning afraid to leave my flat (apartment) cause it was so windy, cold and rainy, i honestly just wanted to cuddle under my duvet for the day... where is Spring already?!?! and apparently last year, summer only lasted for about 2 weeks!!! oh that better not be the case this year cause I'm looking forward to a nice summer with warm sunny days!!!
anyways, i hope everyone has a good week... cheers :-)...
TA… hmmm, where do I start… I dunno about him, that’s all I’ve got to say… its weird actually, cuz the less he’s around, the less I want him around, but on the other hand the more he’s around and the more time I spend with him the more I want him around… does that make any sense at all, I guess I just have one of my moments sometimes… I do care about him a lot and I know he cares about me as well… I’m taking things one day at a time, that’s all I can do… but what I’ve come to realize lately is that he can predict me, just as much as I can predict him… which I think is quite interesting, cause that means he pays attention enough to know how I’m gonna react to things… I can’t wait til the weather gets better so we (TA and I) can go out and do things outside (yes, I know that’s random, but the weather in London sucks, and I’m not about to start walking to the train station in the rain or etc… besides a lot of the things I want to do can only be done in decent weather, like going for a walk in the park, or going to local markets, doing some tourist stuff and so on)… which leads me to another point, how do people stand the weather here... its just ridiculous... I woke up this morning afraid to leave my flat (apartment) cause it was so windy, cold and rainy, i honestly just wanted to cuddle under my duvet for the day... where is Spring already?!?! and apparently last year, summer only lasted for about 2 weeks!!! oh that better not be the case this year cause I'm looking forward to a nice summer with warm sunny days!!!
anyways, i hope everyone has a good week... cheers :-)...
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Catching up with Miss DD
So I’ve been MIA for a few reasons… work is killing me slowly (but that should end soon, as I am looking to move on to a better job soon). grad school is starting to take it toll on me, I’ve got this horrible cold/flu which sucks, I’ve been getting back headaches lately, and for a change, TA, hasn’t been stressing me out… I know it’s a bit delayed… but my V-days was really nice… TA come over in the early evening and we spend the evening at my place, we ate, we drank and we talked for hours and hours… it was a nice way to end a stressful weekend, cause the days leading up to V-day weren’t so rosy, but we sorted ourselves out and have a great evening together… Things with TA in general have been going well… I feel like we’re both, or at least I am, trying to see the direction in which things are going with us… just trying to get a feel about my own thoughts of TA and I and the future in general…
Other than that, I’ve been on a mad hunt to find a new job, the project manager and immediate supervisor are probably the worst set of supervisors that I’ve ever had, and I’ve had a few different types… anyways, I dunno if its the culture difference or what, but I can’t deal with them anymore… the funny thing is that as human being, they’re both perfectly fine and I can tolerate them, I can even go as far as saying I can enjoy their company, but when it comes to the project we’re working on, its unbearable for me, and I hate to take the easy way out, but I’m heading towards the door… and I’m not sure if they know it… I would hate for it to be a surprise, but I just can’t deal with it anymore and the situation is just getting worse for me… and well, I gotta do what’s best for me… Just started working on the dissertation for my master’s program… after waiting til the last possible moment to decide on a top, I choose something that seems vaguely interesting and wrote my proposal about… and not I’m waiting to hear about my program director as to whether my topic has been approved or if I have to go back to the drawing board!
I’m still running, I manage to run about 3 miles about 3 to 4 times a week… did I mention I have plans to go to Spain in Earyl-April, and I plan to be laying out on the beach… My cousin goes to grad school in Spain and he's having a party for his girlfriend, so why not go and help them celebrate :-).... so anyways, I need to get myself together so that I can walk on that beach confidently…
Other than that, I’ve been on a mad hunt to find a new job, the project manager and immediate supervisor are probably the worst set of supervisors that I’ve ever had, and I’ve had a few different types… anyways, I dunno if its the culture difference or what, but I can’t deal with them anymore… the funny thing is that as human being, they’re both perfectly fine and I can tolerate them, I can even go as far as saying I can enjoy their company, but when it comes to the project we’re working on, its unbearable for me, and I hate to take the easy way out, but I’m heading towards the door… and I’m not sure if they know it… I would hate for it to be a surprise, but I just can’t deal with it anymore and the situation is just getting worse for me… and well, I gotta do what’s best for me… Just started working on the dissertation for my master’s program… after waiting til the last possible moment to decide on a top, I choose something that seems vaguely interesting and wrote my proposal about… and not I’m waiting to hear about my program director as to whether my topic has been approved or if I have to go back to the drawing board!
I’m still running, I manage to run about 3 miles about 3 to 4 times a week… did I mention I have plans to go to Spain in Earyl-April, and I plan to be laying out on the beach… My cousin goes to grad school in Spain and he's having a party for his girlfriend, so why not go and help them celebrate :-).... so anyways, I need to get myself together so that I can walk on that beach confidently…
Thursday, February 21, 2008
random drive by posting...
its random... its quick... and its senseless (that's the purpose of the title of this post)...
things r good... surprising Valentine's day was good... TA is well, things with him are still going... Work is killing me slowly... school is ok, it'd be better if i stopped procastinating on doing my assignments... you'd think i would have learned by now, but not yet... I'm still just as much of the procastinator as I've ever been...
gotta run, but i will put in a proper post this weekend about what's been going... and so on and so on...
hope everyone is good...
DD
things r good... surprising Valentine's day was good... TA is well, things with him are still going... Work is killing me slowly... school is ok, it'd be better if i stopped procastinating on doing my assignments... you'd think i would have learned by now, but not yet... I'm still just as much of the procastinator as I've ever been...
gotta run, but i will put in a proper post this weekend about what's been going... and so on and so on...
hope everyone is good...
DD
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
running... thru my mind...
So I went running on Saturday morning… it was such a beautiful day and I was trying to get myself exercising again… so me being me, I pushed myself and ran roughly a little over 3 miles… well, let’s just say it was quite difficult getting out of bed on Sunday morning, which I expected… but then when I rolled over this morning, it was even harder to get out of bed… but seeing at though I had to go to work and I couldn’t call out cause of a few sore muscles, I managed to roll myself out of bed… I’m went running again last night after work and I’m going again this evening… and while I’m looking forward to the exercise, I know it’s going to be torture cause all my muscles are still sore, but I know if I don’t get back out there soon, I won’t be motivated to go again for a while… so wish me luck, and if u don’t hear from me it cause I’m in too much pain to type…
other than that, I had a nice weekend for the most part… just tried to relax and chill… nothing too exciting… I was meant to start working on my proposal for my final project for my masters, and I tried… but being the procrastinator that I am, I found every excuse to do something else but sit down and write my proposal… the other issue is, that well I have NO IDEA about what I want my final project to be on… and did I mention my proposal is due in a week… don’t worry, I’ll get it sorted out (I hope)… I’ll work on it this week and upcoming weekend, well I don’t have a choice since its due next Monday…
I’ve had a lot of things on my mind lately… especially with the whole going with the flow post I made last week… I’m feeling unsure about some things and I personally don’t like that feeling… i want one of those people that like to be in control, that like to know what’s going on and being in a state of limbo is not an ideal position for me… I was talking to one of my good friends, one of the few people I confide in (other than all my blog readers) and we were talking about relationships in general and valentine’s day coming up and so on and so on… and she asked me a random question, she just said do I think TA sacrifices or compromises to meet my needs as much as I do to meet his needs… and of course my initial reaction was to say of course he does, he really cares about me… but I thought for a second and I couldn’t give her a straight forward easy answer… the truth is I don’t think that he does, at least not in the traditional way… I know TA is an individual and he’s a complex one at that (even though he thinks he’s not complicated)… and I know he does try and that sometimes, just sometimes, he does his best… and there’s this old quote that I love that says, just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to, doesn’t mean they’re not loving you the best that they can… and I try to keep that in mind at times, but on the flip side, I don’t know if I can be happy if I don’t have someone to love me the way I need to be loved…. I hope that makes some sense… anyways, Valentine’s day is just a few days away… and I know its not really a big deal, but I really hope he does something nice… to tell you the truth, a card, flowers and a quite evening at home together would be all that it takes to make me happy… I’m ok not going out to dinner, cause I do that with my friends all the time and he’s not a big fan of going out to dinner and that’s fine… I used to say that I demand a lot, but I’ve come to the realization that I don’t really demand that much and it doesn’t take a lot to make me happy in a relationship, but because I’ve always had the impression that I demanded a lot I tend to hold back on asking for a lot (relationship wise), but I realized that because I didn’t demand a lot in a relationship, I got even less… and once you’ve started a pattern with someone its hard to change it…
Anyways, we’ll see what happens v-day… TA says he’s spending the day/evening with his boys and not me… I think he’s just messing with me, but only time will tell… so we shall see…
other than that, I had a nice weekend for the most part… just tried to relax and chill… nothing too exciting… I was meant to start working on my proposal for my final project for my masters, and I tried… but being the procrastinator that I am, I found every excuse to do something else but sit down and write my proposal… the other issue is, that well I have NO IDEA about what I want my final project to be on… and did I mention my proposal is due in a week… don’t worry, I’ll get it sorted out (I hope)… I’ll work on it this week and upcoming weekend, well I don’t have a choice since its due next Monday…
I’ve had a lot of things on my mind lately… especially with the whole going with the flow post I made last week… I’m feeling unsure about some things and I personally don’t like that feeling… i want one of those people that like to be in control, that like to know what’s going on and being in a state of limbo is not an ideal position for me… I was talking to one of my good friends, one of the few people I confide in (other than all my blog readers) and we were talking about relationships in general and valentine’s day coming up and so on and so on… and she asked me a random question, she just said do I think TA sacrifices or compromises to meet my needs as much as I do to meet his needs… and of course my initial reaction was to say of course he does, he really cares about me… but I thought for a second and I couldn’t give her a straight forward easy answer… the truth is I don’t think that he does, at least not in the traditional way… I know TA is an individual and he’s a complex one at that (even though he thinks he’s not complicated)… and I know he does try and that sometimes, just sometimes, he does his best… and there’s this old quote that I love that says, just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to, doesn’t mean they’re not loving you the best that they can… and I try to keep that in mind at times, but on the flip side, I don’t know if I can be happy if I don’t have someone to love me the way I need to be loved…. I hope that makes some sense… anyways, Valentine’s day is just a few days away… and I know its not really a big deal, but I really hope he does something nice… to tell you the truth, a card, flowers and a quite evening at home together would be all that it takes to make me happy… I’m ok not going out to dinner, cause I do that with my friends all the time and he’s not a big fan of going out to dinner and that’s fine… I used to say that I demand a lot, but I’ve come to the realization that I don’t really demand that much and it doesn’t take a lot to make me happy in a relationship, but because I’ve always had the impression that I demanded a lot I tend to hold back on asking for a lot (relationship wise), but I realized that because I didn’t demand a lot in a relationship, I got even less… and once you’ve started a pattern with someone its hard to change it…
Anyways, we’ll see what happens v-day… TA says he’s spending the day/evening with his boys and not me… I think he’s just messing with me, but only time will tell… so we shall see…
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
Going with the flow…
Have you ever felt like sometimes you just wanted to go with the flow… and sometimes that’s cool… but exactly when do u stop going with the flow of life and decide exactly what you want for yourself… if you go with the flow, you’re just accepting things as they come, instead of going after the things in life that you truly want and need… same thing with relationships, exactly how long can you go with the flow of things before either rocking the boat by asking what are we doing or where is this going… at the moment, I’m not ready to rock any boats, at least not in the relationship side of things, but I’m not sure if that’s cause I’m comfortable with continuing to go with the flow of things and just let things develop naturally with TA or because I’m not ready to ask those questions cause I’m scared of what the answers maybe… and that worries me… it worried me more before, but now I’m a bit more confident in the sense that even if I did ask those questions and I didn’t get the answers I wanted, truly I’d be disappointed but not devastated… I hope that makes some sense…
For me, I’ll go with the flow for a bit, just til I can decide what I really want or at least realize what I don’t want… that’s how I’ve always been… I don’t always know what I want, but I can usually detect what I don’t want and eliminate it as soon as I can, for me recognizing something I don’t want, helps me to get closer to realizing exactly what I do want… Sometimes I can get comfortable with things and sometimes change is a hassle that I can’t be bothered with, but I guess that’s human nature isn’t it… but I know that sometimes change is necessary, it pushed me to grow and try, it pushed me challenge myself…
"Of course there is no formula for success except perhaps an unconditional acceptance of life and what it brings." ~Arthur Rubinstein
"Whatever relationships you have attracted in your life at this moment, are precisely the ones you need in your life at this moment. There is a hidden meaning behind all events, and this hidden meaning is serving your own evolution." ~ Deepak Chopra
For me, I’ll go with the flow for a bit, just til I can decide what I really want or at least realize what I don’t want… that’s how I’ve always been… I don’t always know what I want, but I can usually detect what I don’t want and eliminate it as soon as I can, for me recognizing something I don’t want, helps me to get closer to realizing exactly what I do want… Sometimes I can get comfortable with things and sometimes change is a hassle that I can’t be bothered with, but I guess that’s human nature isn’t it… but I know that sometimes change is necessary, it pushed me to grow and try, it pushed me challenge myself…
"Of course there is no formula for success except perhaps an unconditional acceptance of life and what it brings." ~Arthur Rubinstein
"Whatever relationships you have attracted in your life at this moment, are precisely the ones you need in your life at this moment. There is a hidden meaning behind all events, and this hidden meaning is serving your own evolution." ~ Deepak Chopra
Thursday, January 31, 2008
back in action... again...
yeah, I know I’ve been MIA again… but I’ve had some legitimate reasons… I moved again about a week and a half ago in to a 1bdrm flat (apartment)… 3 place in the 5 months that i've been in London... crazy right, but i think i've finally found the right place... and I’ve just been getting myself settled into my new place… to be completely honest, I do love my new place… everything about it feel right… when I wall through the door, it feels like home (at least my home away from home)… so aside from moving into a new place, what’s been going on with me… well I’m planning a small get together of some friend, a small house warming, this weekend coming up… nothing too big, just a few friends, some drinks, music and of course food… that should be fun, I am definitely looking forward to it! other than that…
hmmm… I’m sure you’re wondering about TA… what can I really say, other than I am taking things one day at a time with him… some days he makes me the happiest girl in the world :-), some days he really get under my skin and I’m irritated, but its only natural (there are very few people I think I like ALL the time, including myself)… but when I do look at the big picture, he makes me happy more times than not, so for now I’m just going with the flow, cause things are good… I notice that I am finding myself more and more comfortable around him, that he allows me to be silly and just be myself, without feeling like I have to be anything else, which is a great feeling… I think one of the things that I really appreciate most about TA is that we don’t have to always be talking when we’re together, in the sense that we could be chilling and watching tv or something for hours with very few words, but there’s no awkwardness, and then there are days that we can talk on and on forever into the wee hours of the early morning about any and everything as that feels so natural as well…
the other day I was sitting in a training course for work, and I guess I was day dreaming and I pictured this great future for TA and I… that scared me a lot… scared me cause I could actually see him in the future, but as I said I’m just taking it one day at a time… not rushing into anything, not jumping any steps or anything like that… the fact that that thought came in my head did make me a bit nervous though… but what can I really do about that… anyways, one day at a time…
well, I’ve been on my new BC pill for about 3 and a half weeks so far, and so far so good… my emotions are much much better, I still get emotional at times, but at a normal rate, not like before where I felt like I couldn’t control my emotions… I’ve noticed that my appetite does funny things though, I go for days without really wanting food, but then I go days where I’m craving different foods… its odd, but I’m hoping that that will eventually go away… and as u may have guess, I did jump on the scale just to make sure I wasn’t putting on any pounds… and boy was I relieved when I saw that the scale had actually gone down:-)!!! I haven't noticed any other major side affects either, so i'm praying that this one doesn't cause any other issues!!!
Anyways, can’t believe February is here already… shucks to tell you the truth, I’m still trying to get use to the idea that its 2008… time seems to be flying by… but I’m trying to enjoy it as it goes, but also make sure that I plan for the future…
hmmm… I’m sure you’re wondering about TA… what can I really say, other than I am taking things one day at a time with him… some days he makes me the happiest girl in the world :-), some days he really get under my skin and I’m irritated, but its only natural (there are very few people I think I like ALL the time, including myself)… but when I do look at the big picture, he makes me happy more times than not, so for now I’m just going with the flow, cause things are good… I notice that I am finding myself more and more comfortable around him, that he allows me to be silly and just be myself, without feeling like I have to be anything else, which is a great feeling… I think one of the things that I really appreciate most about TA is that we don’t have to always be talking when we’re together, in the sense that we could be chilling and watching tv or something for hours with very few words, but there’s no awkwardness, and then there are days that we can talk on and on forever into the wee hours of the early morning about any and everything as that feels so natural as well…
the other day I was sitting in a training course for work, and I guess I was day dreaming and I pictured this great future for TA and I… that scared me a lot… scared me cause I could actually see him in the future, but as I said I’m just taking it one day at a time… not rushing into anything, not jumping any steps or anything like that… the fact that that thought came in my head did make me a bit nervous though… but what can I really do about that… anyways, one day at a time…
well, I’ve been on my new BC pill for about 3 and a half weeks so far, and so far so good… my emotions are much much better, I still get emotional at times, but at a normal rate, not like before where I felt like I couldn’t control my emotions… I’ve noticed that my appetite does funny things though, I go for days without really wanting food, but then I go days where I’m craving different foods… its odd, but I’m hoping that that will eventually go away… and as u may have guess, I did jump on the scale just to make sure I wasn’t putting on any pounds… and boy was I relieved when I saw that the scale had actually gone down:-)!!! I haven't noticed any other major side affects either, so i'm praying that this one doesn't cause any other issues!!!
Anyways, can’t believe February is here already… shucks to tell you the truth, I’m still trying to get use to the idea that its 2008… time seems to be flying by… but I’m trying to enjoy it as it goes, but also make sure that I plan for the future…
Monday, January 14, 2008
finally, my 2008 goals...
Went to church on Sunday, and heard a very inspiring message… the message was about one’s hopes and desires and how to ensure they come true… the message emphasised on making goals that are realistic and attainable, assessing where you are and where you want to be and determining if you’re willing to make the sacrifices necessary to get to where you want to be… also, write your goals down so that you constantly know what you’re working towards… so I decided to do just that… write my goals downs, the things I wanted to do and accomplish this year… but not just lofty goals, but achievable and measurable goals… with measurable timelines...
New Years goals:
- Lose 10 to 15 lbs by April 1st, but hopefully sooner.
- Visit two places in Europe that I’ve never been to before
- Complete my master’s program
- Make more of a conscious effort to save (make at least one sizable deposit (hopefully more) into my saving account every month starting in February)
- Learn to budget better… I can spend with the best of them, but as I get older I need to be more responsible… not to mention that now that I live on my own, I have my own ‘real’ bills to pay.
- Payoff at least one credit card by June 1st
Update... I've been on the new BC pill for a week now... and so far so good... mood swings and irrational thinking (at least irrational for me) are gone... feeling more like myself, usual smile on my face, optimism is back and just better in general... thank goodness... let's just hope that things continue in this manner... its still early, but i'm hoping for the best...
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
its official... i'm not going crazy...
Its official… I’m NOT Crazy… YEAH!!! time to go celebrate…. ok, let me take a few steps back and explain before I start celebrating… I dunno if this has been apparent in my posts, but I’ve been overly emotional or over dramatic for the last couple of weeks… at first I thought maybe it was just the winter blues or maybe I was just feeling lonely from moving to London and so on and so on… I mean, I thought I was going crazy, having mood swing left and right, not to mention getting some acne which I don’t usual get… I managed to keep them mostly to myself, but I’m sure TA got some of the brunt of my mood swings… but only recently did I decide to reflect on all the changes that have happened in the last couple of months, all the issues I’ve dealt with and so on… and yesterday it clicked… I started taking BC pills (birth control pills) for the first time a few months ago, after I moved to London, and a few weeks after I started the mood swings started, the irrational thinking and so on… I really did think I was losing my mind… I even asked TA one day has he ever felt that he losing his mind or going crazy… that was the only way I could explain it… I know I am a sensitive person, but not an emotional person… if someone hurts my feelings; I’m not the type to show it especially not in public… I’d deal with it in private… but when I stated tearing up over stupid things and things of that sort, it took me a little by surprise, but I just though that maybe it was all apart of the changes that I had to deal with as I got older and mature… yeah right… I spent most of work yesterday doing research on the PC pill I was on and I found tons on information, especially stories from females who had experienced the things that I am going thru (oh, goodness… I’m tearing up again :-( )… luckily I had already schedule an appointment with to see my GP (doctor) for later in the evening and I thought I’d take this opportunity to discuss all of the issues and concerns I had about my health… imagine my relief when he told me that he seen this before and was more than happy to discuss the various options available… he switch me to a different BC that I started using today, he said that basically each person’s reaction to the BC depends on their individual body make up… if I start getting adverse side affects from this, I can try another BC, but if this new prescription doesn’t work, I’ll talk to my sisters to see what they use and if its working fine for them, I know it does depend on each person’s individual body, but since we’re related and genetically closer to each other, maybe what’s worked for them will work for me… who knows???
So, since I’ve move to the UK, I’ve had more health issues (in the past four and a half months) than I’ve had since… well never… the last time I had a health problem was over a year ago when I sprained my ankle while training for my marathon… but since I’ve been in London, its been one thing after the other, and while I know that TA is there for me and to support me, it makes me feel like a weak person cause of all the issues that I am having… I feel like its always one thing or the other with me and sometimes I just don’t want to tell him when or if something else comes up, cause one I don’t want to give him something else to worry about and two and I don’t want to feel like a liability to him (if that makes any sense at all)… besides I’m not use to leaning on people, I just handle things on my own and go on with life, that’s how I handle things… that usually works, at least it did when I was in the states cause I had some many people (friends and family) around and responsibilities to help me forget about what issue I was dealing with, so it was never necessary to actually tell other people or confide in other about issues, at least not all the time… but here, it’s a bit different... but i'm learning...
So, since I’ve move to the UK, I’ve had more health issues (in the past four and a half months) than I’ve had since… well never… the last time I had a health problem was over a year ago when I sprained my ankle while training for my marathon… but since I’ve been in London, its been one thing after the other, and while I know that TA is there for me and to support me, it makes me feel like a weak person cause of all the issues that I am having… I feel like its always one thing or the other with me and sometimes I just don’t want to tell him when or if something else comes up, cause one I don’t want to give him something else to worry about and two and I don’t want to feel like a liability to him (if that makes any sense at all)… besides I’m not use to leaning on people, I just handle things on my own and go on with life, that’s how I handle things… that usually works, at least it did when I was in the states cause I had some many people (friends and family) around and responsibilities to help me forget about what issue I was dealing with, so it was never necessary to actually tell other people or confide in other about issues, at least not all the time… but here, it’s a bit different... but i'm learning...
Monday, January 07, 2008
back to work... back to reality...
First day back at work… its takes me back of returning to school after Christmas vacation… I had the same feeling… tool forever just to get out of bed and get myself motivated… not very excited… once I got to work though, it wasn’t so bad, actually it wasn’t bad at all… its definitely good to see my co-workers… I actually like my co-workers, they are interesting people and they help the day pass by so much faster… always something interesting to chat about with them… and it was a nice surprise to have my new laptop waiting for me when I got to work today (I ordered it way back in October… talk about a delayed response time)… but its still work… to be honest, I like my job as well, not overly challenging, but not too dull either (most of the time at least)… I probably could be a better employee in a job that pushed me a lot and challenged me all the time, but I dunno if I could handle that ALL the time… so my current job suits me quite well, I’ve learned a lot since I’ve been working in this position, but as I said its not the most challenging job in the world… anyways, as I chatted with various people around the office, talking about the holiday and so on and so on…
This isn’t necessarily where I saw myself at 25… or in 2008… Not to say that I’m in a bad place or anything like that… I’ve done a lot for myself at my age, I have a good academic background and a good professional career… and yeah I am proud of my accomplishments, but still this just isn’t where I saw myself… well, you see I had my life planned out at 16, or at least I had my life planned out until I was 24… but nothing after that… I mean, I know I would get to 24 eventually and older, but I didn’t plan for it, like I planned for everything else so now I feel like I’m just going with the flow and not necessarily working towards anything in particular… I’m just waiting for the right thing or the right person that will show me the direction I should go in and that’s not how life should be… at least I don’t think that’s how it should be… I dunno where to begin… but this is going to be my year… so much potential that I’m not putting to good use… and I’m going to make a discerned effort to push myself more for the things that I want and need to make life more enjoyable… this is my year…
***I should have mentioned this earlier... but one of my uncles pasted away 2 days after Christmas... he was one of my uncles that lives here in England... although i've been in London for about 4 months, I hadn't made it to visit him cause he lives outside of London... now i wished i had taken the time to go and see him while he was still around... what makes me feel even worse is that a few days before Christmas he left me a voicemail, checking up on me, saying he hadn't heard from me lately and wanted to see if I was doing well... i told myself that I would call him before i left for the states, but i forgot, and i made a mental note that I would call him in the new year and go visit him... i guess i'll never get that chance, so that's been on my mind as well...
This isn’t necessarily where I saw myself at 25… or in 2008… Not to say that I’m in a bad place or anything like that… I’ve done a lot for myself at my age, I have a good academic background and a good professional career… and yeah I am proud of my accomplishments, but still this just isn’t where I saw myself… well, you see I had my life planned out at 16, or at least I had my life planned out until I was 24… but nothing after that… I mean, I know I would get to 24 eventually and older, but I didn’t plan for it, like I planned for everything else so now I feel like I’m just going with the flow and not necessarily working towards anything in particular… I’m just waiting for the right thing or the right person that will show me the direction I should go in and that’s not how life should be… at least I don’t think that’s how it should be… I dunno where to begin… but this is going to be my year… so much potential that I’m not putting to good use… and I’m going to make a discerned effort to push myself more for the things that I want and need to make life more enjoyable… this is my year…
***I should have mentioned this earlier... but one of my uncles pasted away 2 days after Christmas... he was one of my uncles that lives here in England... although i've been in London for about 4 months, I hadn't made it to visit him cause he lives outside of London... now i wished i had taken the time to go and see him while he was still around... what makes me feel even worse is that a few days before Christmas he left me a voicemail, checking up on me, saying he hadn't heard from me lately and wanted to see if I was doing well... i told myself that I would call him before i left for the states, but i forgot, and i made a mental note that I would call him in the new year and go visit him... i guess i'll never get that chance, so that's been on my mind as well...
Sunday, January 06, 2008
starting the new year on the right foot... hopefully...
I finally got back to London on Thursday morning… being at home was great… my holiday was great, I was a bit distracted, but in general it was a really good holiday… finally say TA yesterday (Saturday)… it was good to see him, I missed him while I was away… poor baby was sick most of the time I was in the states, he’s still a bit sick, but at least he’s getting better… it was really good to see him (yeah I know I said that already, but it was)… anyways, we spent a couple of hours talking about a bunch of different things… I enjoy his company, even when we’re just sitting around his flat and talking about nothing and everything… actually those are the moments I enjoy the most….
Anyways, back to work tomorrow… first day back to work in the new year… I like my job, but I’m not looking forward to getting up early and all the stress of work…
So I wanted to take a look back at 2007, to see what goals I set for myself and here they are:
My list of personal goals for 2007:
1. Lose these last 10/15 pounds that I’ve been playing with for a few months
2. Travel to 2 places I’ve never been (one being Atlanta - cause I’ve never been…)
3. Participate in another running event (Aside from my Marathon at the end of January)
4. Go back to school
I managed to do 3 out of the 4 goals I set for myself last year… guess which one will appear on my list again this year… well you’ll find out soon enough… I should finish my list of goals in the next couple of days or so…
Anyways, I hope everyone is having a great start to the year… as for me, I’m just taking it one day at a time…
Anyways, back to work tomorrow… first day back to work in the new year… I like my job, but I’m not looking forward to getting up early and all the stress of work…
So I wanted to take a look back at 2007, to see what goals I set for myself and here they are:
My list of personal goals for 2007:
1. Lose these last 10/15 pounds that I’ve been playing with for a few months
2. Travel to 2 places I’ve never been (one being Atlanta - cause I’ve never been…)
3. Participate in another running event (Aside from my Marathon at the end of January)
4. Go back to school
I managed to do 3 out of the 4 goals I set for myself last year… guess which one will appear on my list again this year… well you’ll find out soon enough… I should finish my list of goals in the next couple of days or so…
Anyways, I hope everyone is having a great start to the year… as for me, I’m just taking it one day at a time…
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
celebrating a new year 2008....
Happy New Year...
I hope that everyone have a safe and fun New Years Eve.... I had a great New Years Eve, despite all of the things going thru my mind... Partied til 6 am, two of my really good friends came thru to hang out, one came fron NY and the other from DC... it was great to see them...
Starting a new year, and i'm hoping that 2008 is better than 2007... i had a lot of successes and accomplishments in 2007, but i also had alot of toils and trials... but hey, i survived the year right, so it should make me a better person right... I haven't made any new year resolutions... i gotta go back and take a look at my list from last new year's even to see if i accomplished the things on my list... this year i'm not going to necessarily make new year resolutions, but rather small achievable goals for myself...
There been alot of things that I'vebeen thinking about and trying to deal with... my last post talked about me giving my blog address to TA, i kinda wish i hadn't given it to him, but he read it and he gave me his opinion... he also said he deleted the blog url, which i really hope he does, but if he doesn't well there's nothing i can go about that right... i considered from a while shutting down my blog, that's why i hadn't made an entry for a couple of days... wasn't sure what i really wanted to do, but after some consideration decided that i wanted to keep my blog and i'll figure something else out about TA having the url...
anyways, what's really on my mind... well, everyone wants to be happy... and maybe some times I sabotage myself or my own happiness in relationships... my friend JD says that once i find the right guy, then i won't sabotage myself or my relationships, but i don't know... its not that's i'm not aware of what i do, I'm quite aware of it, but i can't necessarily help it... maybe it'll stop when i do find the right guy, or maybe it'll stop when i stop running from relationships, or maybe when i just start working on it (obviously the last options makes the most sense)...
okay, so my current issue, for some reason, sometimes i feel insecure about TA, sometimes its about the things he does, sometimes its just me being insecure... for some reason lately, he's bring that side out of me, and trust me i'm not an insecure person in general... now i want the best for TA and I want to be there for him, but i can't be supporting him if its hurting me to do so... maybe its cause i'm away at the moment, maybe because its that mental time mark when i usually start finding faults in a guy so i can find a reason to end it or maybe its the truth... and honestly at this point, i just don't really know what it is... anyways, i'm going to take it one day at a time... i just need some time to myself to get my thoughts together, to evaluate my feelings and see what i really want...
I want 2008 to be a great year... 2007 was an amazing and progessive year (both in a positive and negative way).... i accomplished alot, learned alot especially about myself and I grew thru various experiences... entering into 2008 i can only hope that i take the time to really focus on the things that are important to me, my family and my success.
I hope that everyone have a safe and fun New Years Eve.... I had a great New Years Eve, despite all of the things going thru my mind... Partied til 6 am, two of my really good friends came thru to hang out, one came fron NY and the other from DC... it was great to see them...
Starting a new year, and i'm hoping that 2008 is better than 2007... i had a lot of successes and accomplishments in 2007, but i also had alot of toils and trials... but hey, i survived the year right, so it should make me a better person right... I haven't made any new year resolutions... i gotta go back and take a look at my list from last new year's even to see if i accomplished the things on my list... this year i'm not going to necessarily make new year resolutions, but rather small achievable goals for myself...
There been alot of things that I'vebeen thinking about and trying to deal with... my last post talked about me giving my blog address to TA, i kinda wish i hadn't given it to him, but he read it and he gave me his opinion... he also said he deleted the blog url, which i really hope he does, but if he doesn't well there's nothing i can go about that right... i considered from a while shutting down my blog, that's why i hadn't made an entry for a couple of days... wasn't sure what i really wanted to do, but after some consideration decided that i wanted to keep my blog and i'll figure something else out about TA having the url...
anyways, what's really on my mind... well, everyone wants to be happy... and maybe some times I sabotage myself or my own happiness in relationships... my friend JD says that once i find the right guy, then i won't sabotage myself or my relationships, but i don't know... its not that's i'm not aware of what i do, I'm quite aware of it, but i can't necessarily help it... maybe it'll stop when i do find the right guy, or maybe it'll stop when i stop running from relationships, or maybe when i just start working on it (obviously the last options makes the most sense)...
okay, so my current issue, for some reason, sometimes i feel insecure about TA, sometimes its about the things he does, sometimes its just me being insecure... for some reason lately, he's bring that side out of me, and trust me i'm not an insecure person in general... now i want the best for TA and I want to be there for him, but i can't be supporting him if its hurting me to do so... maybe its cause i'm away at the moment, maybe because its that mental time mark when i usually start finding faults in a guy so i can find a reason to end it or maybe its the truth... and honestly at this point, i just don't really know what it is... anyways, i'm going to take it one day at a time... i just need some time to myself to get my thoughts together, to evaluate my feelings and see what i really want...
I want 2008 to be a great year... 2007 was an amazing and progessive year (both in a positive and negative way).... i accomplished alot, learned alot especially about myself and I grew thru various experiences... entering into 2008 i can only hope that i take the time to really focus on the things that are important to me, my family and my success.
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