my college crush...

first, let me say I am NOT boycrazy... anyways on with the story...


Ok, so you know how there’s that guy that you are friends with and you’ve had a crush on forever… well I have one of those… there’s this guy from college, SO, met him my freshman year back in 2000 in college… Quick background: we were always friends in college and always spoke, and we always had that connection cause we were both Nigerian… but in college he was very focused on education and very religious. He was the perfect guy in every girls mind at my school. We all use to just wonder what was up with him… I mean, he was smart, focused, handsome, well dressed, polite… he was the perfect guy, and thru out college he didn’t date a single girl just cause of his religious beliefs and so on… so anyways, after school ended he stayed in the area of where we went to school and I promptly moved back to Bmore… and we’d talk occasionally and would run into each other at homecoming and other events… anyways, last December he moved to DC… this was the opportunity. And he had matured a lot since our college years, he was still religious but more experimental, like he went out to clubs, parties, drank and all… it was nice to see a different side of him. And even though he lives just up the street in DC, we don’t hang out too often cause of schedules, but we talk fairly often and do get a chance to get together every once in a while…

Anyways, so when I had my party in the beginning of September, a lot of things came out… Needless to say my party was a blast and I drank way more than I should have, but that’s a story for another day… anyways, the party was cool, SO bought me my first drink at the party (it was at a club in DC)… anyways, a few days after the party as I was going thru pictures of the party, I began to notice a pattern… there are A LOT of picture of me and SO, dancing, hugging, holding hand and so on (SO had a good amount to drink that nite as well, but he was not drunk)… at first I thought maybe its just my pictures that are like that, but as I began to check out my friends’ cameras and pictures, it was a reoccurring theme in everyone’s picture, me and SO, we pretty much together the entire night… and then of course people began uploading pictures on to Facebook and tagging me… that’s when I realized how bad it was, there a bunch of pictures from some many people tagging me and him in pictures and then of course, the comments started coming in… are you guys dating or you guys look good together and so on and so on.. I promptly removed most of the tags of me and SO on facebook… now it wouldn’t be a big deal cause SO isn’t on facebook, but when one of our friends from college calls him to ask SO if he and I were dating, imagine me turning bright red… anyways, a couple of weeks ago me and my girl AB had an happy hour, and SO came thru… and towards the end of the happy hour as we were getting ready to leave and it was just me and SO talking, he all of a sudden asks, so where’s your boyfriend… WHAT??? That’s a topic me and him have NEVER talked about… and in return, I asked where’s his gf… he claims he doesn’t have one… we actually talked about it for a few minutes before our convo was interrupted… then yesterday I went to my friend’s housewarming party, which happened to be about 5 blocks from his place, so I called him to see if he was coming, and I told him I was only staying for an hour cause I had to get back to Bmore to get some stuff done and that’s we talk later… approximately an hour after our convo he calls me back saying oh, I’m not gonna make it to the housewarming before you leave, wanna stop by my place for a few minutes… so I headed over and hung out with him for a few minutes, met his cousin (his cousin is really cool…)… we talked for a bit… then I headed out and SO is like oh, let me walk you to your car, I wanna see this new car of yours and so on… there’s always that tension, its not really an awkward tension or anything like that, its more like we both are aware of the situation, but never really do anything about it

Truth is, I still kinda like SO, but I dunno if its because I feel like he’s unattainable or is it because he seems so perfect from the outside… would I really date him, if given the opportunity… probably, just to see what could happen…
It was cool to see him yesterday though (it was the highlight of the weekend), I always enjoy my time with him… Every time I hang out with SO on a one on one basis, all this just always pops into my mind….

Hmmm…. Going to the gym this afternoon :-)….

my gym guy...

Its just been a looonnnggg week for me… no reason in particular, it just has been… I’ve stepped up my working out… I usually work out 6 days a week to train for the marathon I’m preparing for, but this week I was more focused, my workouts were longer, more dedicated, more focused and more exhausting. The cute guy that works at the gym came out to me yesterday during my work out to be like “wow, you’ve been really working hard lately”… in mind I was think, so you’ve been watching me then, score! Ok, so here’s the deal, there is this FINE man that works at my gym, let’s call him IN, … he’s is tall, dark and oh so handsome… he actually is enough motivation for me to go to gym… he always comes and talked to me during my workouts (not a one minute chat, but a 5/10 min chat) and he just always so nice… he’s older than I expected (he’s 34) which usually would bother me, but for some reason it doesn’t bother me at all (but then again he doesn’t look a day over 26/27 yrs old)… anyways, we got to talking about a bunch of different things on various occasions.. and he’s asked in 2 or 3 ways about whether or not I had a boyfriend… which I kinda always brush off, but always tried to sorta let him know that I didn’t have one… but then I couldn’t decide if he was married or not… I once noticed a ring on his left hand, but I don’t know if it was on his ring finger… and now every time I try to look, his hands are casually in his pockets… but he definitely flirts with me… and like I said he is eye candy… hmmm… I actually know more about him than I do my own trainer (who works at the same gym and I do spend a fairly good amount of time with my trainer)… One time he even said ‘I don’t understand how we have such beautiful and success single women in this world’... yeah, I was blushing, but I tried to play it off… I dunno, but I do have to admit that I like the attention from him… you know, that fact we catch each other’s eyes at the most random moments, and he gives me that winning smile (even when he’s with a client) or just the fact that he keeps up on my progress and also asks how things are going and so on…
one of these days, when I go to the gym early and its not crowded and we’re having one of our casual convos, I’m probably bring it up or just ask him… especially since he’s asked me or inferred about where or not I had a boyfriend like 3 separate time… but then again I don’t wanna seem to forward! Wish I could go to the gym today… but I can’t, a sister is getting her hair braided this afternoon… YES!!! Can’t wait to get my hair done and be looking all fresh… its gonna be a good weekend!

happy Friday everyone!

my weekend...

What seemed like what would have been another chill and relax (code for dull) evening at home turned out to be quite interesting… was talking to my friend, AO, online… asking why he was still at work at 7:30pm on a Friday evening (he works a 9 to 5 job)… anyways, after a few minutes of talking, he said he’d call me later… I didn’t think much of it… it was just a way to end the convo… til he called me like an hour later, talking about let’s hang out… now, me and AO, use to hang out/talk /date for a few weeks back in the spring, but we haven’t really hung out in a while and we don’t really talk that often… anyways, with my sprained ankle I wobbled myself up and got dressed to go over and watch a movie with… it was cool, although I didn’t intend on staying long, I ended up spending the night at his place just cause I had to be in DC really early in the morning and he lived closer to DC than I did (he live 15 minutes away from DC, where as I liked 50 minutes away from DC, so you see it made perfect sense)… and No nothing happened, which was cool with me… it was nice just to be able to hang out with him and know he wasn’t expecting anything to happen… we talked about a bunch of things… watched a movie… fell asleep… it was really nice actually… anyways, I always wondered what could have been with AO… but due to circumstances that happened earlier this year (read these earlier posts... both are about AO... post 1 & post 2 ), I doubt that things will ever really progress past friendship with AO… which on one hand is cool, cause he’s such a great guy, really sweet, the perfect gentleman, the perfect friend to lean on… but that’s also what would make him a great bf… doesn’t matter now though, cause we’re in the friend zone… hmmm, if only….

The rest of the weekend was cool… relaxing… One of my friends, JB, actually, he use to be my best friend (maybe still is) really proved himself to me this weekend… I had kinda started to lost some faith in him, cause his attitude at times was not best and then we weren’t hanging out as much and things were just different between us… but he, JB, proved to me this weekend that he does value me as a friend and supports me in the things that I do… made me really appreciate him & our friendship… spent all of Sunday at his house and I realized how much I missed him and just our time together and our conversation and everything between us… it was cool…

PS… I did manage to run the 10 miles on Saturday, even with my ankle hurting… but its almost back to a 100% now… so I’m back on track…

its friday... good guy/bad guy???

Its finally friday, which would usually put a smile on my face :-)... but when i got out of bed this morning, my ankle was hurting.... now that wouldn't be a big deal except that I'm training for a marathon and I have to run 10 miles tomorrow (saturday) morning.... hmmmm.... and i know i should take it easy, but i have to run tomorrow... gotta ice up my ankle for the rest of the evening if i want a chance to even be able to run tomorrow...

anyways, on to more interesting things... last weekend while at work, there was a CD playing at work and this guy asked if i could make him a copy, asked me to jot down my number so he could call bout the CD... no biggie in my mind... since we were busy, I wrote my number down, passed him the piece of paper and went back to work... and as he walked out he menioned something like he once had my phone number. I was like, ok... but was too busy to engage in convo with him...
then he calls me yesterday evening... and I kinda was just a bit thrown off... and to tell u the truth, i don't even know his name... I tried to ask, but can't really hear him whenever he says his name.... he's a regular at the place where i work, or at least i've seen him before and thought he was aiight looking and was kinda interested, but never really thought much more past that... and now he's all talking bout when am i gonna make time to hang out with him... hmmm, can we have a few convo's before I decide if i even want to hang out with you... guess we'll see where this goes... sad thing is that i'm not very excited... i don't know if it just cause i'm in a really chill mode in life at the moment or what...
I'm trying to keep my options and mind open about this situation... only time will tell...

looking forward to a nice and relax weekend... gotta get some studying done for the GMAT and work on some applications for B School...


On a completely different note... I was talking with my friend, YA, earlier this week... and we were having a heart to heart about a bunch of things... YA and I use to hang out and chill, but we never really developed into any much just cause he had a lot going on and so did I... and he started tripping (which he later apologized for) and i didn't have the patience to deal with it... anyways, we eventually became friends and now we talk fairly often... anyways, he was talking about his gf, and how hard it is for him not to cheat on her... especially since she's away at school over an hour away... they had the convo, where she said that he could pretty much do anything he wanted, just as long as she didn't know about it and he didn't disrespect her... so basically she gave him the pass to pretty much cheat on her as long he keeps it under wraps... I was like WHAT... well, ok, I do kinda understand where she may be coming from, but she's just so young and naive (she's 3 years younger than me & YA)... I honestly couldn't do it... I couldn't be dating a man, if he wasn't all about me and only me... and even though he has this pass from his gf to do whatever he wants, he says he's trying to be a good boy and not do anything, that he doesn't want her to settle... which would definitely make him the good guy... I just don't understand why a girl would allow a guy to cheat on you, much less tell him its ok as long as she doesn't find out about it...
Now YA would have been the good guy, except when I texted him later that same night, he replied and the first half of the text made no sense at all, it was a little suspicious... then he texted me again say oh, that i shouldn't pay attention to the first half of the last text he sent me earlier, that he sent the wrong text... its interesting cause the text he told me disregard was a text about meeting up with someone and hanging out (and No, not the hanging out with your boys type of text, the type of text that you send to a girl...)... anyways, that just left me wondering if all that BS he said about how he was trying to stay focused and not cheat was all a bunch of BS and that he was still doing whatever it was he wanted to do, but just keeping it under wraps... i honestly don't know, but i do hope that he's not cheating... cause what goes around comes around... so for his sake and even more for his girlfriend's sake I hope he's not cheating on her...

busy week...

Life's been so busy lately... been crazy busy with all my community/volunteering activities, trying to study for the GMAT, starting applications for B School and then been on business travel for the last 3 days... went to San diego for work for a few days... I totally understand why people live there... the weather was great, the view was beautiful, the life style was extravagant to say at the least... I could totally see myself moving there... got back on a red-eye flight last night and back at work this morning... should have taken the day off, but I have all theses deadlines and meeting later on today... and i of course had to catch up on emails... anyways, nothing new here... once i get myself up and running again and catch up on email, i'll be back to write more... later...

the sign

You know how when you're trying to make a tough decision and you really need a sign or something to tell you you're going in the right direction... well I feel like I got that sign... that maybe going to London for school next year is the right thing for me, alot of things that i was worried about fell right into place (which doesn't happen to me often) and I've been beaming all day with the confidence that I recieved the sign that i asked/prayed for... now i just have to make sure I'm get everything straigthen out and done if i do plan to do that next year... i'm going make it an option available to myself... I may not go, but i'd rather have options to choose from when the time comes rather than feeling stuck and not having any options to choose from later.... all I have to do is tackle the GMAT, after that its smooth sailing...

Truth or Dare

Truth from epsilonicus : If there was one more thing you could say to TO or L, what would it be??

to TO... you had the potential to be a great partner in a relationship, you would be any and everything that a woman would appreciate in relationship but you choose not to follow that potential and instead to became a screw-up... No i don't hate you, hating you would mean that I'm still invested in you... I've come to a point of indifference when it comes to you, you're not worth the time it takes to hate someone... Hate is not the opposite of love, the opposite of Love is indifference-- the point of not caring one way or the other about the individual...
(TO really thinks I hate him or at least he use to til recently... not we're associates, but i never got to tell him the statement above... )

to L... u underestimate me... u always have in one way or the other... no i'm not considering coming to London simply because of you (it may have crossed my mind, but it is not a significant or sufficient reason for me to move) if i came it would be for my own enrichment, yes i speak better yoruba than you think... no, my world didn't end forever once we broke, i'm stronger than u think... yes i'm capable of loving someone with my whole entire heart... yes i am nicer than you give me credit for... yes, I am more patient and understanding than u assume (but u never give me an oppurtunity to be patient with u until recently, u usually just get mad at me for no reason and stop talking to me for a while)... yes, you r older than me, but that doesn't mean u should put me down or make me feel like my feelings don't matter (you didn't do it often, but it did happen)... yes I am very sensitive regardless of how 'tough' I may appear, yes I'm not a neat freak, but I am organized & efficient, yes i go out alot (at least I use to) but I know when to put a limit on it, yes i bite my tougue around since we've been broken up because there somethings i just can't say to you, and yes, despite all of these things, I still love you (as a person/friend) because you are a great person overall.

Dedicated to the first real loves of my life…

its kinda of a long post... but it explains how i got to position of where i am with relationships/guy now... here goes...

Part I: OF... it was puppy love

Dedicated to the first real loves of my life…

Have you ever been so intoxicated with someone, I mean everything about them made you smile… even the stupidest things… well, that’s how I felt about first love… I was the tender age of 20 years old, sometime in the beginning of my junior year in college… I came home from school for the weekend when I ran into him, TO… the moment he smiled at me, it was all over, it was like I fell in love with him at that moment… we became friends very quickly and we talked all the time on the phone… when I was away at school… he was the first person I thought of and talked to in the morning and before I went to bed… I wake up to my alarm clock excited cause as soon as I turned the alarm clock off, I knew I was gonna dial my baby’s number to talk him (if he hadn’t already called me)… it was a feel so mutual between us that when people saw us together, they didn’t need to ask if we were together, it was written in very motion, word and everything we did… it was hard doing a long distance relationship, but I came home often enough to visit him and I changed my summer plans and come home for the summer and got myself an apartment on campus so that we could have all the privacy in the world… the summer before my senior year I came home and took summer classes a college in my hometown, got an apartment on campus so I would be able to spend time with my man… he practically lived there… he had the freedom to come and go and he pleased into my apartment/room… I met his mother that summer, we got along fabulously… everything was just right… he loved and cared about me simply the way I was (even though I was a little chubby those days) he accepted me as I was and I loved him for it.. I thought that I had found the man of my dreams… he thought me so many things about what I wanted in a partner and a lover… he taught me to how to appreciate myself more and for all those reasons, he will always have a place in my heart and I’ll will never forget him… he also taught me the lesson that all good things must come to an end… that summer ended with him cheating on my with his ‘plan B’ girl as he called it… said he didn’t want to get hurt with being in a long distance relationship so when he met this random girl that summer, he made her his plan B, incase things didn’t work out with us… that shit never made any sense to me and it still doesn’t… but because he was not only my man, but also my best friend, I forgave him… (well, I forgave him after he stalked me for like 3 weeks)… and I left and went back to school early with no goodbye… I just needed my space… we eventually because associates/friends again… but he managed to ruin that to, but corning me one day at party and saying all these things that were inappropriate at the least and then he did some other things that I didn’t agree with… so I decided I had to give him up… stopped talking to him completely towards the end of the summer after I graduated… I was all geared up for grad school and I didn’t need any distractions especially not from TO… shortly after I stopped talk to TO, I met L (the ex, that I talk about on this blog all the time)… he came into my life so unexpectedly, but with such perfect timing…


Part II: the story of L

Just when I had giving up on all hope for love… here come L to save the day… L turned my entire life upside down (in a good way)… he made me realized that I never knew what love was until I met him… I guess I had matured in the year and a half since TO and I had stopped dating, because the way I felt for L was incomparable to anything else I’d ever felt… the thought of him was enough to make me smile for hours… we became friends very quickly and soon after started dating (even though he stayed in London… and I was here in the states)… L was everything I wanted in a boyfriend, best friend and companion… we complimented each other’s personality… about 2 months after meeting L, I made my first trip to London to go visit him… the trip was amazing… in every aspect… now he was someone that I thought I would grow old with, but things didn’t happened way… L took such really good care of me, it felt so natural to fall asleep in his arms every night and wake up next to him in the morning, I felt like I had found my place on earth… the place I was meant to be… we had out little arguments and disagreements, but overall the trip was a great one… The relationship would transformed me in a way that I never imagined… when I left London after that trip, I knew in my heart of hearts that something was up… that something during the trip had changed our relationship… I still can’t pinpoint what it was exactly but future events later lead me to see that our relationship was not going to make it… I was so angry with him when we broke up that February… I had so much to say to him that I couldn’t but eventually did… by the time we broke up I was so unhappy, frustrated and angry… I know he had a lot of things going on which contributed to our break up, but I don’t think he had a clue of what was going on with me between December until we broke up in February, there was so much going on with me with school, work, my family and he just wasn’t there for me… I honestly did try to be there for him during his issues and didn’t want to add any stress to him by letting him know that I had a bunch of stuff that was going on with me as well, but it was a lot for me to bare by myself… his issues, my issues, the stuff my family was going thru, keeping it all to myself because I couldn’t share any of it with the one person that I needed the most at that time, and trying to deal with our deteriorating relationship and keep it together… I never really told him all the stuff that I was going thru even after we broke, there was no point…he broke up with me the day before Valentine’s Day… who does that!?! He even asked me if I thought he was doing the right thing by breaking up with me… WHAT??? how could he ask that… if one person wants to break up, then that it… anyways, we broke up… didn’t really speak for a while, but a few months down the line we started talking again… and here we are now… After L and I broke up, a lot of things changed about me… my approach to a lot of things definitely changed… I definitely learned a lot from this experience… it thought me a lot about what I want in a partner and what I don’t want… what I can deal with and how to approach issues that bother me… and fortunate for me, it didn’t rob me of all my hope for love, it actually encouraged me… L cared about me in a way that I didn’t know was possible, it was so unconditional (at the time) and I was able to care for him in the same manner and it gave me hope that Love is possible, now I just have to find the right person… I’m more patient with people than I used to be in some sense, but I’m also more strict in the sense that if I see something that I don’t like or can deal with, I either try to resolve it right away or I just leave the situation alone all together, no point getting caught up in a situation when I know its not gonna work for me… While TO was definitely the first person I fell in love with, L was definitely my first adult relationship where I was truly able to express my love for him whole heartedly…

what's next for me...

its monday and another weekend has gone by... right now i'm in a state of confusion... i been contemplating the idea of going to do a one year MBA program in London… I’m not quite sure how the idea got planted in my head or when I actually first considered it, but now its on my mind all the time and I’m definitely giving it some serious consideration… I’ve mentioned it to a few significant individuals in my life to get their take on it… my dad say whatever I want to do, he’ll support but I just have to be mindful of the future (in other terms, when am I getting married)… my sister thinks it’ll do a lot of good for me and that i can still do it cause I’m definitely young enough to do it and i still have time… my ex,L (who lives in London) things it’ll be a good idea if I’m coming for education and to enrich myself as an individual (in other words, he wants to make sure that I’m not coming for his sake, to be with him or to explore the option of him & I getting back together… I guess that’s understandable)…. And the one person I haven’t talked to yet, it my oldest brother, he has a lot on his plate at the moment so I don’t want to stress him anymore than he already is, but his opinion is so important… I’ll have to find a moment to ask him what he thinks… beside all of the opinions and so on, I think it would be good for me for some many reasons, I can move on to the next stage of life, pursing a mba is definitely something I’ve wanted to do for a while, living in London would be a great experience (so much culture, fashion and etc)… and London may give me the opportunity to meet the man of my dreams, it would take me away from all the semi-relationships that I get involved in, and all the usually people that are around here in MD… I’d hopefully be able to meet someone and not worry about who his last girl was and so on and all the drama that comes with a small Naija population… the negatives… I’d miss a year out of the lives of my nephew and niece and my entire family and that would be so hard for me… I know what its like to be away, when I went away to another state for undergrad, I felt like I missed out on so much with my family, but I also felt like it was the best decision I every made to go to an out of state school, I really learned a lot about myself and who I wanted to be… and I’d never exchange that experience for anything… and it made me appreciate my family much more when I did move back home after undergrad…

but then again I think, maybe moving to London is not the solution, maybe its just be running from whatever it is here that I don’t like… I just don’t know… but for now, I’m gonna proceed with caution… gonna weight all my options, look at all the advantages & disadvantages of going to school abroad or just living my day to day life here… decisions, decisions, decisions…

hi5...

so i'm on this online community called hi5... and people send u messages and so on... i'm not big on responding to strangers especially to individuals who don''t have apicture of themselves up on their site... and of course you get the random messages from random people... some guy starts sending me messages that i ignore at first, but he kept sending messages so i just replied and asked who he was since he didn't have a picture... anyways, he eventually stopped sending me messages.... then i got a message this evening, say i looked nice in the outfit that i work to a wedding I went to yesterday... it was just a little creepy... why didn't the person just come say something to me at the wedding... it was just weird to have someone sending me a message like that... makes me want to avoid using hi5...
but i did run into some rather cute guys at the wedding reception... looking all nice in their native and all, i like seeing guys in their native... i would have taken the time to meet some of them but i was dead tired after a long day of running/working out and then going to work and so on...

giving up...

So i've come to the realization that GC is just out of his ever lasting mind & that i'm done with him, at least for now... he's tripping and i'm not one to take all this BS from a guy no matter how much I may like you... sometimes it just not worth the trouble... the issue with me is that i hate burning bridges, I'm actually more concerned about trying to save what little of a friendship we had left and not about being together or trying to be in a relationship with him... we has such a great friendship (at least i thought we did) and that's why i was being so persistant in trying to still be his friend... but at some point, I just give up... i can only do or try but so much... and I think i've reached my limit with GC... i have one more things i need to do over this weekend before i completely write GC off... I don't like writing people off, but i can't go around chasing people, its just not my style...

finally the weekend is here :-)... it was a crazy crazy week at work... barely got a chance to sit down and do anything... had crazy long meetings that lasted 9+ hours each day for four days... that's not a freaking meeting... it more like detention!
Gonna chill this weekend... go work out some. go running... nothing too excited plan, but you never know theses days...

him... part 2

Back to him…. GC… the guy from my last post… well, I felt that I needed to write about him to get him off my mind and outta my head… writing about it doesn’t change how I feel about him or the situation, but it does make me a feel a whole hell of a lot better about things… writing things tends to do that for me… anyways on to the rest of the story… we stopped talking shortly after I saw him at the end of June, honestly I don’t why we stopped talking… but I felt like he was brushing me off and I wasn’t about to put myself out there so I stopped calling and he did the same… well we got back into contact in the middle of September… and I asked him why he stopped talking to me, and he simply turned it around and said he thought I had stopped talking to him and he not the type to stalk people and that he just took the hint (or at least what he thought was a hint from me)… ok, fine then… we’ve talked maybe once since then and that was like 3 weeks ago… and now every time I call or text him, he doesn’t even bother to respond… but every once in a while I’ll get a text from him saying ‘oh, I’m stressed’ or ‘my bad, been busy’… what am I suppose to take that as… I do understand if he’s busy, but is he really busy every time I call/text him… he says that’s not the way it is, well that the way it seems… I even made it easy for him, told him that all he had to do was text me to stop, and I’d never call or text him again, and he can’t even do that… anyways, its driving me crazy, but now I just have to put it out of my mind… that’s all I can do!


"After the storm after the rush after the heat of the moment has passed we can cool off and clean up the messes we’ve made" ~Meredith Grey thanks for the quote AI
It may be to harder to clean up the mess than you think… can we even clean up things after the little falling out me and GC had… maybe we can’t just go back to the way things were especially after not talking for over 3 months… maybe…

him...

There’s this guy I use to hang out with, GC… he pursued me, but he did it in such a classy and sophisticated way that I could not help but to fall for him, it also helped that I was very attracted to him as well… anyways, after a couple of months of running into each other, calls, exchanging emails, we finally decided to hang out… and that’s when it all started… after that we started hanging out pretty regularly and we talked on phone often as well… before I knew it he was the only male I was concerned about… yeah I still have other things on my mind and issues to deal with… but being with him and spending time with him was always the best part of my week… it wasn’t that I was just physically attracted to him, but I was attracted to him in every way possible… he was intelligent, well spoke, driven… he had the entire package… and when we started hanging out, neither one of us were looking for a relationship (me cause I was still trying to get over my ex and him cause he was enjoying his youth… so it seemed like a perfect match for the both us!) We use to talk about any and everything; we used to talk for hours about anything… About 3 months into hanging out with him, I realized that I really liked him… I mean really, really liked him, I mean I was willing to give up every other guy I was interested in or talking to… but in the back of my mind I knew that he wasn’t looking for a relationship ( I mean I guess his feeling could have changed within the last couple of months like mines did), but I didn’t want to ruin a good things… so slowly I started to pull away, stop hanging out with him as much, not talking to him as much on the phone and so on, blamed it on school saying that my last semester is difficult and stressful (which it was)cause I had to finish my capstone project to get my masters degree… he took the hint well, but we still stayed in touch, talked every once in a while and to be truthful I really did still like him… a few months went by of not really seeing each other (just talking on t he phone and stuff cause he liked like 45 minutes away)… then on memorial day weekend I ran into him a mutual friend’s cookout… damn it, he looked as good as I remembered and I realized just how much I missed him… everything about him, from his jokes, to his smile, the simple way he used to hold me and just wanted to talk about any and every thing, the way he would always say don’t leave yet, and everything about him… anyways, it was really good to see him, and I assumed that he felt the same way… we chilled together while at the cookout catching up and stuff… but shortly after we both left there, he was calling me and there I was so happy to see he wanted to see me and hang out just as much as I wanted to… even after seeing him at the cookout I just didn’t know what to do, so I still kept my distance from him, but we talked more often and he was joke about how I abandoned him and how he would joke that I was the ying to his yang, it was the cutest thing ever… two weeks later, I went on vacation to the UK for 2 weeks, not being able to talk to him drove me crazy…. Absolutely crazy… so I texted him while on vacation and told him how much I miss him and we decided to hang out once I got back into the states… I called him the day I got back from vacation and we talked, he asked me to come over but I was too tired… the next day after work, I went to go see him… I guess I didn’t realize how much I had missed him, I just couldn’t stop smile when I saw him… it just felt so natural to be with him… it was so great just being in his presences and before I left, he was like when do I get to you again, and my reply was whenever you want to... and I meant that… well, that was the last time I’ve seen him… and that was the last week of June… and here we are in October… to say I miss him would be an understatement…