unsettled...

So, somewhere along the line… I lost my motivation… my motivation to do a lot of things… like keeping my blog up to date… working out on a consistent basis… keeping a healthy life style… and well the list goes on and on… and my happy disposition on life had been replaced with a cynical view on most things in this world…

Now, my question is where do I find the motivation to start doing all the things that I want to do, but have become so lazy towards… and how do I get all this cynicism out of my system… granted, I’ve always be a realistic person, but now I’m just have such a negative attitude towards a lot of things… (did I mention I hate my job… ok, hate is a strong word, but I’m very unsatisfied with my job)… and well, I don’t want to sit here and complain, but I don’t know how else to get it out of my system… I could just deal with it, but how do I do that exactly…

Ok, so my mind is going a million miles an hour… so when ever I start getting cynical, I try to think of the positives… this year has been such a great year already, I’ve accomplished two of my life goals and I’m general good with where I am in life… I completed my first marathon, I got to drive across the country (which was amazing), I’ve met a very nice guy that I’m interested in, I’ve gotten accepted into one of my grad schools in London… so all in all, I’m beyond grateful for all of these things and much more… but there’s something that is unsettled in me, I can’t pinpoint it yet… but there’s something deep in my mind/heart that keeps me feeling a little uneasy and keeps me up a little later than usual at night… it keep my mind from feeling completely relaxed and I don’t know what it is… ok, maybe I do… but I’m not for sure yet… I started this blog last summer because I was going thru what is known as a ‘Quarter Life Crisis’… I was (and still am) at a cross in my life where I need to make some major decisions that will affect my future and the rest of my life… and while I thought I had it all planned out for a while, I now am realizing that I haven’t considered every factor or aspect of the decisions I’m going to make or the plan that I thought I had… and with the addition of new factors, its making me rethink everything…. Maybe that’s why I’m unsettled… I know I have to make some MAJOR life decisions in the next couple of months and I can only put it off for so long… I mean, there’s always the option of not making a decision, but that would do me absolutely no good… so a decision has to be made whether I have all the facts or NOT… so I contemplate about the future, the possibilities, the repercussions, and the consequences… and I’m lost… cause I know what I thought I wanted, and I know what I think will be good for me… but then I doubt… and well, I don’t like doubt…

I don't know what the future may hold, but I know who holds the future. ~Ralph Abernathy

Well, the fact is that one cannot retrace one's steps, and the steps one has taken greatly influence the future. ~Vincent van Gogh

You have to know what you want to get. ~Gertrude Stein

Understand that the right to choose your own path is a sacred privilege. Use it. Dwell in possibility. ~Oprah Winfrey