The eyes of innocence…

As I sat in room upset as the events that had unfolded earlier that day… just angry with the world because things didn’t turn out the way I expected or the way that I wanted… as I stewed in my own bad mood… my bedroom door came swinging up, some unlucky individual was about to get the brunt of my anger… but when I looked up, all I saw was my almost 2 year old nephew with the most contagious smile and laugh in the world… and in that 5 seconds the anger and the events of the day slipped away, and joy was brought back into my life with this little being that just walked into my room, as if he owned this house… my little nephew, which I will call FB for reasons I will explain later…. My little nephew FB is the cutest baby… he takes after me with having one deep left dimple and a shallow right dimple… he has the cutest laugh and smile… and manages to say my name ‘Discombobulated Diva’ in this weird Nigerian accent… an accent that we can’t quite figure out where he got cause he was born here in the states and has only been back to Naija one… anyways… my nephew FB runs into my room, screaming my name and smiling and laughing… and comes to give me a hug… and at that moment, I couldn’t have pictured anything else that would have eased my anger as quickly… my nephew FB had this incredible affect on my family when he was born two years ago… he is the first grandchild of the family, booting me from having the baby position in the family to holding everyone’s heart in his hands… this little boy has softened all of… whenever I see my nephew, he reminds me of the miracle of life… this same nephew that I don’t hesitate to spank, but will still run up to me 5 minutes later and give me a hug and a kiss… and to see him develop is such a miracle… the first time I heard him call my name, he brought the biggest smile across my face… you see, my name is the only one he remembers constantly other than ‘mommy’ and ‘daddy’…. Through the eyes of my nephew I see innocents and happiness… its takes such little to please him at times… and he, for me, represents the miracle of life… many times my nephew stays at my house, cause his parents only live about 6 minutes away from us, so he’s over all the time… and he’s the only person that can wake me up on an early Saturday morning who I won’t be grumpy with…. And what’s the cutest thing about my little nephew FB… when he’s with his younger brother, who’s about 5 months year old, he knows to give his younger brother the pacifier and then he gives his baby brother a hug and a kiss… innocence at its very essences… nothing else melts my heart like my little nephews…

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Did I ever mention, I live with my family… and my mom announced that they (my parents) are going to Nigeria for 5 weeks in April… first thing out of my mouth… HOUSE PARTY… both my parents turned to me… and then I said it a little quieter, but still with a lot of excited… House Party… then assured them that we would not destroy their beautiful home… and everything would be in order by the time they get from Naija…

My family’s weird… but then I guess all families are weird in their own way…. My family is quite close, or closer than I thought… my immediate older sister and I still live at home with our parents, my older sister lives about 10 minutes away and my brothers live 5 to 6 minutes away from my parent’s house and they live across the stress from each other… we have family dinners and happy hours… and its always a little weird when one of us isn’t around… Me and my eldest sibling, my brother are nine years apart, but we are quite close… he respects me in a manner that no one else in the world does and I appreciate and respect for that… anyways, he’s always supportive of me and my decisions… and when I told him about going away to school in London, his first inclination was that that’s great, but I’m afraid you won’t come back to Baltimore… I assured him that I’d come back, I don’t have a choice now do I… once my visa is up, I’d have to come back to the states… but I do understand his concern… which leads me to a quick update… 5 applications completed…. One more to go and I’ll be done with applying to schools in London… excited!!!

Floetry Fridays.... (and no not the group...)

I found this poem a few years ago and its always stuck with me... its so simple but yet still so elegant....

I BELIEVE…

I believe-that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.
I believe-that no matter how good a friend is,they're going to hurt you everyonce in a while and you must forgivethem for that.
I believe-that true friendship continues to grow,even over the longest distance.Same goes for true love.
I believe-that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.
I believe-that it's taking me a long timeto become the person I want to be.
I believe-that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
I believe-that you can keep going long after you can't.
I believe-that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
I believe-that either you control your attitude or it controls you.
I believe-that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first,the passion fades and there had better be something else to takeits place.
I believe-that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
I believe-that money is a lousy way of keeping score.
I believe-that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.
I believe-that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.
I believe-that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give methe right to be cruel.
I believe-that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
I believe-that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.
I believe-that it isn't always enough to beforgiven by others. Sometimes youhave to learn to forgive yourself.
I believe-That no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.
I believe-that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
I believe-that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.
I believe-That you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.
I believe-that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
I believe-That your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.
I believe-That even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.
I believe-that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.
I believe-that the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.

Author unknown

My trip to ATL...

So… My first trip to ATL… was cool… had a good time, didn’t really get the full effect of ATL, cause I was only there on for Monday & Tuesday, but I still had a good time… went shopping… which is one of my favorite sports, hung out with my line sister and the one of the friends took me a few spots on Tuesday night… so it was cool… definitely will be stopping thru there again, preferably on a weekend next time… but I can’t complain cause the trip to ATL was completely free on my company…

So, the purpose of the trip was to go recruit at some of the colleges in the ATL… I was really shocked at some of this students in these famous HBCU schools that I was recruiting at… we had an information session on Monday night and then conducted interviews all day Tuesday… first of all, some of these individuals showed up the info session looking a hot mess, not I don’t like talking about people (yeah right), but how do you plan on making a good impression on the company you’re trying to get a job or internship from when you look a hot mess… I mean hair everywhere, outfits inappropriate not just for the info session, but just straight up inappropriate… like her friend should have told her to never put on that outfit, unless it was Halloween inappropriate…. Then on to Tuesday, these students were showing up late to their interviews, some didn’t show up at all and some just walked in without previously setting an interview time… I just don’t understand the mentality of these students; I mean if I was still in college and a big time company came around offering all types of great jobs and benefits, I know I would have been all of it and trying to impress the company… and I can’t believe some of these students had the nerve to skip the interview all together… talk about a waste of my time… and they wonder why black people aren’t progressing…

On to another issue that occurred in ATL… so I went to Bloomingdales… now I love that store, almost as much as I love Nordstrom’s… (like I said Shopping is a sport)… so I went to Bloomingdales and brought a pair of jeans… and the check out clerk, mind you a black lady, had the never to hand me my purchase across the counter… granted this is normal procedure at any other store, but at stores such as Nordstrom’s, Bloomingdales, Neiman Marcus, they are suppose to walk around the counter and bring you your purchases to you… and once again it wouldn’t be a big deal, but she did follow the protocol of walking around the counter and handing the shopping bag to the white lady ahead of me, but when it came to me, she handed me my shopping bag across the counter… now, she must have assumed that I didn’t shop at high retail stores and wouldn’t have known the difference but I was very much offended, and I was tempted to say something to her, but then she would have bought out the little ghetto side of me and I would have simply proven the stereotype that people already have of black people, so I didn’t say anything… but I mean, if our own people can still treat us differently than white people in a negative way, how do we expect white people to truly treat us as equals… now I know you’re thinking, I may be making a big deal of this situation, but it’s the small things that matter… its already ingrained in the black sales assistant head that other black people wouldn’t necessarily know that she was suppose to bring the shopping bag around to me instead of handing it to me over the counter… who knows how else she may subconsciously mistreat black people in other ways…

I did think about New Yorker this weekend… the small things definitely still remind me of him… I haven’t really spoken to him on the phones since we broke up, we’ve texted a little here and there… but haven’t spoken to one another yet…

I’m back at work and I don’t feel like being here… and to top it off, I have a bad head cold… sore throat, headache, stuffy rose… u get the picture… its not pretty… probably gonna leave early if i don't start feeling better...

Getting my Mind off it...

So last night I needed to distract myself from all the stress and drama in my life… so I hooked up with one of my good friends, ST… ST has been my girl since I was like 8 yrs old… so many memories… so we met up to get pictures taken of her daughter and then we went out to grab some food and drinks… of course she had me rolling and laughing all night... definitely took my mind off of New Yorker for a while, but then she wanted to know why I broke up with New Yorker… I explained, or at least tried to explain and she saw my views, I had some valid points… but then she said but he made you happy… yeah he did, but I have to look at the big picture… I do look forward to talking to New Yorker again, but I would understand if he wasn’t so thrilled to talk to me anytime soon… but knowing him, he’s gonna want to talk to me as much as I want to talk to him… I just want to make sure he’s ok…

So today, I’m headed to court… my dumb butt got a speeding ticket for tailing a cop… yeah I know STUPID… but I was in a rush and I wasn’t that close to him… but its my first ticket ever in my nine and a half years of driving so I’m hoping the judge will take it easy on me o…

The weekend is here… thank goodness…. I need a break from work and life… I’m just gonna be chilling tonight, may go see Tyler Perry’s new movie, Daddy’s Little Girl , looks like it’ll be funny… I was suppose to go to ATL this weekend and stay til Wednesday cause I have to do some stuff for work on Monday and Tuesday, but my friend’s memorial service is Sunday at church, so I pushed my flight back to a red-eye on Monday morning… I need to pay my last respects to my friend… I can spend a weekend in ATL any other time….
I am excited about the trip though, it’ll be my first time in Atlanta… and I’ll get to see my line sister, my frat brother and hang out with a bunch of friends that moved down to ATL after college… and it’ll help me get my mind off of things for a little while…

So I’m off to court… wish me luck, better yet pray for me…
Have a great weekend and be safe….

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Back from court... GUESS WHAT??? the officer never showed up, he called and said he was stuck in traffic and would be there in 15 mins, so the judge waited 15 mins (which annoyed me)... but when he didn't show up, the judge went ahead and he dismissed almost everyone's case... as soon as he called me up, i almost ran to the front of the court room pleading 'Not Guilty' so the judge dismissed the charges and I ran out immediately, didn't want the officer to try and show up in the middle of mine case... any i didn't have to pay court fee!!!
Great start to a great weekend... and the girls are getting together for dinner this evening, me, AB & NM... Should be lots of fun... things are starting to look up after all :-).....

The breakup...

Yea!!! Yesterday was a snow day… the weather was quite bad out here, so I was lucky enough and didn’t have to go to work…. And coincidentally yesterday was Valentine’s Day as well… and mine didn’t go as well as I would have hoped… so here goes…
So, things are over between New Yorker and myself… I know it may seem little abrupt or sudden, but it was a long time coming…. First let me assure you that I’m not crazy… okay, maybe a little crazy… but that’s me…
As we spoke on the phone yesterday, I asked him what would he say if I wanted to be just friends… and well once the ball got rolling, I couldn’t really stop it… its been on my mind for a week or two now…. For various reasons…. He was kinda surprised, but kinda wasn’t… said he had a dream about it, so he kinda saw it coming, but he didn’t expect it on V-day…. Before u crucify me for breaking up with him on Valentines’ days, I should mention that we didn’t have anything, NOTHING planned for V-day, so in my book it was just another day in the year… so y prolong the inevitable it any longer than I had to, right… He said are you sure… then he said u have a lot going on in your mind cause of everything else in your life, lets pretend we never had this convo and go to sleep and we’ll talk in the morning… then he was like you don’t even want to down grade to an open relationship, you just want to get rid of me all together… (and at this point, I was confused, when did we stop having an open relationship… he said I was his girlfriend and that was that… so on V-days he went from having a girlfriend to nothing at all… damn, talk about feeling guilty… I already felt bad enough, but this didn’t help)… we talked for hours trying to figure everything out… of course I got pissed at him cause he started saying stupid stuff, which at first made me think I made the right decision, but then he turned to his usual sweet self and made me feel like maybe I hadn’t thought this thru all the ways… but things ended on a semi-friendly note… I’m sure we’ll speak again, just cause he feels like I’m still upset with him and knowing him, he’ll want to make sure things are good between us, which I appreciate…
Anyways, at the end of the day, when it’s all said and done… we’re no longer boyfriend and girlfriend… but I already miss him…
And as I spoke to my sorority sister last night, JD… she wasn’t a big fan of him, but she said I should sleep on it and see how I felt in the morning… and I asked her, but y, you were never a big fan of his (she got to hear about all the little tings he did that annoyed me)… and her response was, yeah he’s not my favorite person in the world but he made you happier than I’ve seen you in years, so as long as you were happy, I was happy for you…
Damn, did I make a mistake…. Cause she’s right he did make me over the moon happy, he had a special ways of making everything great but there were just a lot of things I couldn’t deal with…
So I decided to sleep on it… and boy did I sleep… I didn’t lose a wink of sleep (granted I was emotionally drained and physically exhausted from shoving snow)… but this morning it hit me and it hit me hard exactly what I did yesterday…. Yeah I suck; I really could have waited til after V-day… probably should have thought it thru just a little bit more and yeah I’m sad about the whole situation cause i really miss him already but there’s nothing I can do now… I do still think it was the best decision... so that’s that!

“The hardest thing about growing up is that you have to do what's best for you even if it means breaking someone's heart. Including your own.” ~Anon

a truly sad day...

Today I found out that one of my friends past away on saturday... or at least that's when they found his body... I don't really know how to react, what to do or say... this is truly the first person that i've known personally that has died... I can help but questioning everything in life... how such a good guy can get taken away so early in life... he was just in his late twenties, just getting started with his life...

I don't understand, it just doesn't make any sense to me... I got the call this afternoon while out of town and as i took the two hour drive back home... I thought of everything in the world, wondering y or how or when... no one can really answer any of those questions... at least not yet... i just can't make any sense of anything... y just a guy that i was hanging out with a few weeks ago...

once we find out what happened and how he died, it'll help to bring some closure, but death is something that i don't understand... As i try to distract myself and keep busy, i log on to facebook and i'm going thru a friend's page, and i see a picture of my friend that passed away and all i can think is that all we have are memories now... i understand whats happened, but i can't really grasp it yet... today is a truly sad day... my prayer goes out to his family and all of his friends that love him so much...

Friend Chronicles - Part 1...

Friend Chronicles:

So I’ve decided to start a series called Friend Chronicles…They say that your friends are a good inclination of the type of person you are... I’m not sure if I truly believe that statement, but I plan at looking at a number of my close friends and seeing if it applies to me… so I’ve decided to chronicilize (not a real word, but u know what I’m saying) my friends.. they are interesting characters… so here goes…

Entry 1… AB…I dunno if I still have best friends, but if I had to name one… it’d be my girl AB… AB and I are very much alike, except that she’s more easy going in general than I am and she’s an angry drunk (not really an angry drunk, but gets a little mean when she drinks – never mean to me though)… anyways, AB and I have known each other roughly about 3 years… we lived together my last year of college… then after college, she moved into the DC area and we’ve hung out every since… now, AB is an ideal friend, sometimes too goofy, but I won’t take that away from her cause its part of her charm, it part of the reason we get along so well… me, I can be bossy sometimes, but in general with AB, I’m hardly that way cause we usually think a like so no need to be bossy with someone that’s all thinking the same thing you’re think, or maybe AB just usually lets me have my way cause it doesn’t matter one way or the other to her… either way, things work great between me and her… at the end of the day, its about having fun and enjoying our early twenties…

Entry 2… NM…Then there NM… NM joined our hang out crew of two (me and AB) early last year… she quickly got integrated into our plans cause she was cool to hang out with and we all got along great… I’ve actually known NM since my freshmen year in college, but we were join acquaintances, not really friends…. Anyways, me and NM butt head a lot cause NM lives in her own world, but AB is usually there to help find a compromise and smooth things over… so for now the situation works… don’t get me wrong, I love hanging out with NM, but sometimes she drives me up a wall… She’s great to talk to and give great advice, but sometime I just can’t understand her line of thinking… everything is always extra with her… nothing is ever simple with her… I know I can be irritable some times and I really try not to let it show, but when she starts going off the deep end and making things more complicated than necessary it drives me crazy… but at the end of the day, she’s still my girl and she’s lots of fun to hang out with…

Entry 3… JB…There is JB… JB and I have such an interesting yet weird relationship… sometimes we’re the best of friends and sometimes we can go weeks without talking… I’ve known JB for about 4 or 5 years now… JB is Nigerian, once of the nicest guys I know… and well he knows a lot about me… I’m comfortable talking to him about most things… and usually I feel like he’s looking out for my best interests… there have been some situations where I feel the JB was looking out for his own interest and not necessarily what was best for me (we had this period in our relationship where it felt like we were together, so talking about our relationships with other people was always a skewed topic…) but I think we’re over that and back to our normal best friend ways (if I had to pick a male best friend, it would be JB)… JB can be incredibly considerate and treat you with all the respect in the world, depending on who you and how he views you… now, he’s never done me wrong, but I know he has the potential to be not so kind to others, so that’s a factor that one must always consider… cause what if him and I weren’t as close as we were, would he end up treating some how… anyways, sometimes it hard telling JB about who I’m dating or what guy I’m into, cause there’s always that slight concern as to whether he’s looking out for my best interest or for his interest in the situation… but it usually works out that he’s looking out for me, regardless of how he may feel about the situation… that’s my JB… I used to spent a lot of time with him, I mean daily, but lately we’ve has a shift or two in our friendship, so we’re just getting back to the way things use to be… JB is trying to move to London as well later this year, which would be absolutely great, cause well I love JB (not in love, but just love him) and it’d make my transition so much better with him around…

So what do these three friends say about me (or at least I think they say about)… My relationship with AB reflects that I’m a free spirit and I just want to have fun… My relationship with NM may show that sometimes I live in my own world and that I’m stubborn and my relationship with JB reflects my Nigerian side….

more friends to come...

"Many of life's circumstances are created by three basic choices: the disciplines you choose to keep, the people you choose to be with; and, the laws you choose to obey." --Charles Millhuff

"When people are like each other they tend to like each other." ~Anthony Robbins

"Whatever relationships you have attracted in your life at this moment, are precisely the ones you need in your life at this moment. There is a hidden meaning behind all events, and this hidden meaning is serving your own evolution." ~ Deepak Chopra

Hope you have a great weekend!!!

up & then down...

Glad to say that things between New Yorker and I are kinda back on track… after all that relationship talk we had Monday afternoon, decided I was gonna tell him about how my family wants me to marry a Nigerian and take it from there… I’m sure he’ll ask what I want, and I’ll have to tell him… so we’ll just have to see where the conversation goes from there… So Monday night I told New Yorker that I liked him more after our little discussion/disagreement that we had earlier in the day… and he was like what??? Then he replied “Why, cause I let u do whatever u want to” and I replied You don’t let me do whatever I want to, but no that’s not y, I like you more because of the way you handled the entire situation, it made me appreciate you more… so thanks… and all he could say was wow…
Yeah crazy right… but I totally loved the way he handled the entire situation, he apologized and wanted to talk about it right away, clear the air, make sure we were both comfortable with things and move on from it… I can’t ask for more than that…

Ok… so I started writing this post on Tuesday… and granted its only Wednesday… but my tone is already beginning to change… I’m a confused young lady, I do admit that… I not quite sure what I want, but definitely able to pick out what I DON”T want… and well New Yorker has been in a funky mood the last couple of days, and of course as the significant other in his life at the moment, I’m getting the brunt of this funky mood that he’s in (Guy does PMS… trust me…) so anyways, I’m dealing with it….

Anyways, my homeboy JB is back from Naija… missed him like crazy… we have this crazy friendship where sometimes we’ll talk 2 or 3 times a day and then can go weeks without nothing and when we see each other its like no time has lapsed at all… I can’t explain it, but whenever JB and I are spending time together, talking and hanging out and so on, it always great… anyways, I was chilling with him last nite… trying to catch up on what’s been going on… who we’re both seeing or not seeing and so on… it was great to catch up… we of course talked about New Yorker and JB of course game me his opinion… anyways, while Naija they had a camcorder and recorded part of their visit, it was like the MTV diary thing, it was hilarious… as I was watching it, made me miss Nigeria so much… I just kept thinking I can’t wait to move there or go visit later this year…

Working on a blog series called ‘Friend Chronicle’… they say your friends are a reflection of who you are…. Anyways, the series will start in the next couple of days…

Hope ya’ll r having a good week so far…

Miss Communication... what a weekend!!!

And so I finished my first application for London… its for an internship program… I’ve done my part at least, just have to make sure my references do there part in the next couple of weeks… one down, five to go (it sounds better than it is, once the first one is complete then the rest should be easier)…

Anyways, interesting weekend… New Yorker and I had some serious miscommunication… we talked Friday night and nothing until late Sunday night… very unusually for the couple that manages to spend 8 hours on the phone a few weeks ago… let’s just say that we both got our wires mixed up and he didn’t call me and I didn’t call him… I thought he was avoiding me and he thought I was avoiding him… now how did we both come to this conclusion… well the truth is neither one of us had a sound basis for drawing the conclusion that the other was avoiding them… We spoke briefly on Friday evening and ended the convo with him saying he’d call me back… I went out Friday evening with some co-workers so I didn’t think nothing of it when he didn’t call since he knew I was going out, then nothing on Saturday but then again I didn’t feel like talking to him, so I didn’t call either and then Sunday, nothing… I thought about calling to make sure he was okay, but I didn’t… then he texted after the super bowl asking did I watch the game… he called me a little bit later and we talked for like 2 minutes and then he called me at like midnight when I was in bed and we talked for a few more minutes and he was like I’m bout to go, and I was like yeah me too, cause u’re not saying anything to me, and I didn’t give him a chance to say anything else before I said bye and hung up (harsh I know, but I was a tad bit irritated and I had been drinking, so I didn’t feel like I was in the right state of mind to discuss things with him, but I shouldn’t have hung up the phone on him like that)…

So I get to work today and I decide to be the bigger person and call him… so when we finally start talking, he’s like what’s up with u, what’s going… what was up with this weekend… and that he saw the end of the road coming and females are so predictable and so on and so on (I do have to admit though when he first said he saw the end of the road coming (between me and him), my eyes actually watered for a second and I was hurt)… first I told him that he was tripping and he needed to stop assuming stuff… then I told him that when we last spoke, early Friday evening, he said he would call me and he didn’t and I was waiting on him to call me… he said he called me back Friday nite at like 11pm (its not on my missed call list) but when I didn’t pick up so he assumed I was out partying and when I didn’t call him Saturday morning (like I normally would, if I missed a call from him) that he started to think something was up and that I was avoiding him… he figured since I saw the missed call that I would call him back… well I never got his call and here I was waiting for him to call… so I asked, how long were u gonna wait for me to call, forever? And he replied did I call u first last nite (which he did)… and then he said he felt bad like he had done something cause I gave him attitude last nite when we were on the phone and that he couldn’t even go to sleep and that’s y he called me back later… which at this point I was totally confused, cause I don’t remember him calling me back after I gave him attitude and kinda hung up on him… but I checked my phone again, and he had called me at like 1:20am and we had a convo for like 30 seconds… but I can not recall anything I said to him and he told me that I started talking about some guy that I met and then he hung up, said he didn’t want to hear the end of the story (I didn’t meet a guy, I ran into an old crush that I dated a few years ago… and to tell u the truth I was so out of it, I don’t even remember having this conversation and if it wasn’t for my cell phone call log, I wouldn’t have believed it)… but I did apologize for hanging up on him and for not remembering this brief 1am conversation that we had…

Anyways, he told me that he wasn’t mad about the whole situation (really, cause u could have fooled me the way u were acting and questioning me!!!), cause technically I didn’t cheat on him cause we’re not in an exclusive relationship… but then he admitted that he was a little mad about the entire situation and so on… and I had to reassure him over and over that I hadn’t done anything with anyone else… and explain that rambling that I did when he called me back at 1 something in the morning… and he tried to rub it in my face that he clearly could have taken his sister’s friend home from the club on Saturday night (but he said he thought about me and didn’t, even though he felt like I was avoiding him and out doing stuff with other guys) and I said just as easily as I could have gone home with the guy I used to talk to that I ran into on Friday night at the club (Not the most mature response from either of us, but its reality)… he just assumed that I was off doing something with some other guy cause we didn’t talk all weekend and I told him that that really hurt my feelings that he thought I was capable of doing that… and that he should trust me and have more faith in me… and I told him I didn’t call cause I felt like he had brushed me off Friday evening and that he would call when he was ready to talk to me… and in the mist of all this serious discussion, New Yorker goes ‘baby, you’re so cute…” and I couldn’t help but smile… how can the way I argue with u be cute crazy?!?!?

What I don’t get about New Yorker is why he’s trying to act all hard and say that he doesn’t worry about stuff like that (if a girl is messing with another guy, if he’s involved in an open relationship with her) but that clearly a lie, cause otherwise he wouldn’t have been so overly concerned about this weekend that it was the first thing out of his mouth after ‘what’s up’… I mean if he wasn’t so concerned he wouldn’t have been so worried about what I was doing and who I was doing it with… and he’s like he knows how women act, especially if their man lives in a different town and I told him, I’m not like any one else, I’m gonna be straight forward with u… and even if I was dating/seeing someone else, I wouldn’t make him less of a priority…

Anyways, he told me he thought I was scared of being hurt, scare of falling in love with him and being with him… and that our entire relationship scares me… (And he’s right, this relationship scares the hell out me for so many reasons…)
and at the end, he said u know I like u, I’m not trying to hurt you, I don’t want to hurt you… and all I could do was think about how much I cared about him and didn’t want to hurt him… and of course I reminded him how much he drives me crazy (and he says sorry in the cutest way and puts a smile on my face)… but its ok, cause I luv his craziness…


Aside from all that drama with New York, … my weekend was actually great …
Friday night, I did go out with my co-workers and I ran into the guy, DF… DF was my high school crush… he was a senior and I was a lowly freshman in high school… he was/is such a gorgeous specimen of what a man should be like and look like… anyways, after DF finished school, he moved back to Baltimore, as I did when i finished school, so DF and I dated briefly about two and a half years ago… and we didn’t end on bad terms so whenever we see each other, there’s always that element of flirtation there… and it was still there when I saw him Friday night… and I have to admit he was still as gorgeous as ever… he has this smile that lights up an entire room, with his dark smooth chocolate skins (ok, I’m drooling now…) … but we exchanged numbers and said we’ll kept in touch and that was it…

This was the first weekend where I got to sleep in on a Saturday in 6 months… I didn’t have to wake up early to go running… and me and my friends has a sleep over Saturday night which was a lot of fun and then spent all of Sunday together… went to brunch and then to a Super Bowl party… talk about a relaxing weekend…

Marathon Weekend... the good, the bad & the ugly...

So I’m finally back in action… I ran the marathon this past Sunday in Miami… and well I felt like hell, but I finished it and that’s all that counts!!! It was my first (and probably last) marathon and my goal was to finish it, which I did… and I did it in a decent time as well… I event got this cool metal as I ran across the finish line (as did everyone else that finished the marathon)… anyways, it was a GREAT experience and accomplishment and I’m so proud that I did it… now my friends think I’m crazy cause I want to sign up for a half marathon next month, despite all the pain I am in now… but I figure I might as take advantage of it now since I’m already trained, mentally and physically… it’ll be hard to have to re-train in the future… might as well just keep running since I’m already trained… beside spring is right around the corner and it’ll help me drop off those last couple of pounds and reach one of my 2007 goals.

Lots of other things went on in the last couple of days… Friday night New Yorker starts texting about if we have to do the Yoruba traditions… and here I am in Miami out at a late dinner with my girls (who also ran the marathon)… and I’m like what are you talking about… then he texts “the Marriage Traditions, we don’t have to do them to we?” … at this point I’m totally confused… Y are we talking about this on a Friday night when I’m in Miami and he’s in New York and should be out with his boys… I asked how he knew about the traditions and he replied, he did his homework… I just said we’d talk about it later… then Saturday rolled around and we didn’t talk much during the day cause he was working and I was enjoying sunny Miami… we finally talked later that evening before I went to bed, and we talked about the tradition for a Yoruba wedding, and what I wanted at the wedding and so on… then I told him we needed to chill about this topic (its waaaaaaaay too early to be talking about marriage)… we talked about a bunch of different things… some heavy topics, but for the most part I tried to keep it light just cause I wanted to keep my mind clear so I could get a good nite’s rest since my marathon was in the morning…

I got roughly about 4 to 5 hours of sleep Saturday nite, guess I was anxious… got up at 4 am to get ready for the marathon that started at 6am… well, we got outside and it was raining like crazy, so we started the marathon soaking wet, then it got humid and then the sun came up… not the best running conditions, but hey I finished…

Anyways, so I flew out of Miami Sunday afternoon (even though I was in excruciating pain and could barely walk) cause I had to be in NJ for a training for my job on Monday morning…. And New Yorker was gonna catch the train down so we could spend Monday evening together and we’d both leave on Tuesday… so after my training on Monday I picked up New Yorker from the train station… we had planned it out earlier in the week for New Yorker to come spend some time with me while I was in NJ for my training, but but I was nervous that he wouldn’t come or he would miss his train, but he didn’t miss the train… he got there right on time… we went to dinner and just hung out… and we went to the lunch and then to the Mall before we left on Tuesday... it was really good spending some one on one time with him… realized I like him a lot more than I thought and vice versa… he’s such a cutie… everything he did was so adorable to me and even when he got on my nerves, he was still adorable, apologizing and just being himself… I was just really comfortable with him around… I dunno, it was definitely a good experience and I’m glad he came down… I honestly can’t wait to see him again… but he did drive me crazy at times, which I told him about… but all in all, I had a great time with him… he’s very big on PDA, which doesn’t matter to me much one way or the other, I was just surprised at how open he was… and he kept making comments about being together in the future and about me being his wife and so on… the best thing about the time we spent together was how he remember some of the small comments I’ve made in the past about what I like and don’t like and how he was so considerate about…

I miss him already and now I don’t know what to do about him…. I actually thought about calling him and telling him I think he should date other people, so he doesn’t get too invested, cause from the way he was acting, he definitely is getting invested in us (and so am I to tell u the truth)… and spending all that time with him, without wanting to bite his head off made me realize that I really like him… but i’m just taking it one day at a time… and still have to remember we do have an open relationship…