I got NY on the mind...

Hmmmm…. So me and New Yorker have been chillin hard…. Well, I waited for his call the other day and it never came… I called him later, but he never picked up and then I texted him and nothing… hmmm, boy was I curious as to why he wasn’t talking to me… he couldn’t have given up on us so quickly, I mean it was only a small argument… but then I was woken up on Thursday morning by a call from him… he didn’t sound so good… he was like he has a migraine and spent the entire day in bed sleeping ( he doesn’t like taking pills) trying to get rid of his migraine and then he say how could I think he was giving up on us and me… anyways, we talked for a few more minutes, but he didn’t sound good, so I told him to go back to bed and we’d talk later… later was an hour later when he called me back…. We stayed on the phone for about 5 and a half hours… literally… talking about a whole bunch of random things…. We only got off the phone cause I had to go running… then we spend most of the evening on the phone…. The more I talk to him, the more I like him… and did I mention he sends the sweetest texts to me (when we’re not on the phone) just to let me know he’s thinking about me… its cutest when he does it while he’s out with his boys and suppose to be having fun…

We’ve been talking a lot lately… mainly cause I took the week off work and he often works from home, so we spend most of the day and evening on the phone… which will change next week when I go back to work… anyways, been talking to him about relationships and so on… and well his philosophies are a bit unorthodox, but actually things I can work with… so here’s the deal… New Yorker wants us to have an open relationship… which I can work with for the fact that, well… No, I’m not settling, but right now this situation would work for me cause…. we don’t live in the same state, I’m not necessarily ready to be in a serious serious relationship, and lastly I can still continue to meet new people without hurting him… but then I know I am the jealous type, or I can be at times… and I can tell that with him I’m gonna be jealous… I’m already not feeling his relationship with some of his female friends, but it’s not my place to really say anything about that… Sometimes he give me a little too much information about his past relationships, but I guess I’d rather know, then not know…

So last night I went out for a little bit with my sister and sister-in-law…. Went to this lounge place downtown and it was a lot of fun… ran into my friend/ex, SO… me and SO were talking, we usually have these deep conversations at the most random times, but he’s definitely one of my good friends… anyways, he was asking where my man was (he was trying to find out what was going on with me relationship wise)… and I replied, I don’t have a boyfriend, but I’m dating… as he continued to probe, I briefly mentioned New Yorker (briefly because one we were in a loud public place and two I don’t like giving too much details about my relationships to me exs, even if we are friends). And SO’s first question was like, is he Nigerian… and I replied no and tried to move on to another topic, then SO said is he at least African… another no… and then he was like are you serious and that I needed to get serious… I didn’t know what to say… he just said that we would talk later and he could find out what type of guy I was looking for and that he has some prospects for me and that he’ll introduce me to them (yes I know how awkward it may seem that my ex is trying to hook me up with a guy, but we are good friends)… but in my mind, I thought he was right, but what am I suppose to do, I already like New Yorker and I’m not willing or ready to let him go… but then again me and him are just dating and are trying to have an open relationship….

My New Yorker....

Alrighty…. Christmas was great… went to Church Christmas morning where they served us breakfast :-)… then went to my sister-in-law’s place for a family lunch… the lunch was great, most of the family was there… then went to see the new Will Smith Movie, Pursuit of Happyness… it was a really good movie… Will Smith and his son both did a great job…

Alright…. Lets see what’s been going… most of my attention has been diverted to New Yorker :-)… (I met New Yorker about 2 weeks ago when I went to NY)… anyways, we’ve really been hitting it off… I mean, we’re really clicking…. He’s become the first person I talk to when I wake up, the last person I talk to each night and the person that calls and texts me ALL day (and yet it DOESN”T annoy me AT ALL…) … he’s got a lot of game, but he definitely a sweet guy… we’ve been talking about the rules of dating (in general), and well of course his rules are more relaxed (but ain’t that typical for a guy)…. Anyways, we’ve talked about sooo much… we usually talk for a couple of hours each morning before we start our day… then during the day and then at night before we go out and when we come back… anyway, needless to say I’m enjoying my time with New Yorker… except we got into our first little argument last night…. New Yorker was suppose to catch the train up here to Baltimore last night (it was a last minute decision and I shouldn’t have gotten overly excited, but I did)… we decide earlier yesterday that he would catch the train to Baltimore and we would hang out for a few days… well a whole bunch of random things happened (some out of his control)… anyways, he never came… and when he called me to tell me, boy was I pissed…. I was really short with him for the rest of the night, cause he got my hopes up and then disappointed me… I know he was sorry… he apologized over and over again, but I wasn’t in the mood to hear it or to really talk to him… See, here’s the thing… I can have a bad temper at time, so I learned to just shut my mouth whenever I get mad, upset or disappointed, cause I have a mouth on me and I can be very mean when I’m hurting…. So I’ve learned just to shut my mouth and not say nothing till I’m calm and can talk thing thru… I always make it a point to talk thing thru later though cause I feel the need to clear the air so we can move past the situation… I know, I know, it may not be the best way to hand things, but its saved many relationships because it gives me a chance to calm down and look at the situation from all angles before reacting, especially reacting negatively…. Anyways, that was last night…. Me and New Yorker have texted a little today, but we haven’t talked on the phone, which is sooooo weird for me and him…. And even thru texting earlier, he managed to apologize again and tell me that he thought about me all night yesterday…. And to be truthful, I thought about him all night as well…. I miss him, I miss his voice and I just wanna talk to him… I know he’s taking a nap right now and he said he’ll call me when he gets ups… and I can’t wait… I can’t wait to talk to him…

Yes, I know I haven’t known him for a long time, but things are just so comfortable with him… and I definitely glad that I decided to call him when he gave me my number…. And we are only talking and getting to know each other… we’re both open to seeing other people, especially since we live 3 ½- 4 hours away from each other…

anyways... IN called me today, we talked for a few minutes before i got off the phone with him... my mind was not focused on him....

New Years... only 5 days away....

Random thoughts... goals for 2007...

Aiight… So I’ve come to the conclusion (all on my own) that me and IN are probably just gonna be friends and nothing more… I did tell him that I had a short attention span… I went to the gym Monday evening, and I saw IN for a second, but he was busy, he had back to back clients… and besides I needed to focus on my workout… did a water aerobics class and it was a lot of fun… anyways, one would think that since we didn’t get a chance to really talk while I was at the gym that he would have called me, especially since he’s done with classes for the semester… but nope… so anyways, to round it up, the flame for him was put out before it ever really got started…

But on the good note… New Yorker (the guy I met last weekend while I was in NY) definitely has some game… he seems like a really nice guy, he’s cute, funny, has his head on straight for the most part… no major flaws yet (I say yet, simply because we all have flaws, even major flaws… they just take some to surface)… now he told me that he wasn’t showing me ‘the representative’ and that he was just being himself, but only time will tell… needless to say, New Yorker has definitely got my attention at the moment and he’s doing a good job of keeping himself on my mind… but in the back of my mind I remember he’s not Nigerian and I want to marry a Nigerian… so there’ll always be that bit of hesitation… but that doesn’t change the fact that he does peak my interest :-)…

It would be ideal to marry a Nigerian guy, not only Nigeria but a Yoruba man, for so many reasons… but sometimes I feel like I shouldn’t restrict myself to only dating Nigerian men… there’s a lot to experience out there and I shouldn’t sit around waiting for a Nigerian guy to come find me…

Aiight… 4 days til Christmas… and even though we don’t have a Christmas tree up and we’re not evening exchanging gifts til New Year’s day this year, I’m still excited… the little kid inside of me is still overjoyed that it’s the holidays and that its Christmas time… and that I get a time to relax a little, spend some time with the family and just to reflect over the last year of my life… so much has changed and yet so much has remained the same… I start to think of New Years Resolutions… and while I’m not big on making new year’s resolutions, I do like to set some goals for myself… this time last year, I made 6 goals for myself, cause it was about to be 2006… anyways, my goal for 2006 was to travel to 3 new places that I’ve never been (which I did… Paris, Texas (Houston and Dallas), and California), I also set out a goal to go to my first real concert (which I did as well), to finish my masters degree, get my new car… and to my satisfaction, I was able to get all of those things accomplished because not only were they realistic goals, they were things that I wanted with my entire heart so it was easy to work towards them… now that 2007 is around the corner… I’m putting together my goals for the new years… milestones that I would like to reach in 2007… so far, I’ve got… (1) Lose these last 10./15 pounds that I’ve been playing with for a few months, (2) Visit Atlanta (cause I’ve never been…) and that’s all I have as of yet… but I’ll have a nice list before the new years rings in… what resolutions or goals are you making for yourself in the new year???

NYC was great...

NY was great… so I got up Saturday morning and went running, ran 20 miles in DC, then jumped on the Amtrak for my nite in NY… first of all, every muscle from my hips and downward was hurting me, muscles I didn’t know exists were hurting after running the 20 miles… but it was all good, cause I did it!!! Anyways, was knocked on the train, got to NY around 5:30pm… met up with my sisters and friends (they drove down earlier)… we went to see the Color Purple. Let me say, that play was great… very entertaining. The actors & actresses were great and the storyline was good ( a little different from the movie towards the end) but still good… overall I truly enjoyed myself… even though I could barely walk cause my feet were killing me… but even thru all the pain, I managed to get dressed to go out afterwards and even had the nerve to put on some heels… talk about some serious pain, but after a drink or two, I was feeling better… checked out a few lounges, ended up on some spot on 15th & 9th street uptown… met up with my cousin there, who lives in NY… the place was cool…meet a cute guy there, he’s not a true New Yorker, but we’ll call him New Yorker … actually the guy reminded me of a guy that I went to college with… it was a nice ego boost, cause I have to admit i was checking dude out, cause he definitely had a cute smile and all... anyways, New Yorker pulled me to the side before I left and gave me his phone number… I haven’t called him yet but I probably will this evening… (I forgot my charger, so by Sunday morning, my phone was completely dead)… I didn’t get to go shopping cause traffic was crazy on Sunday, so we just decided to head back to Bmore… but all in all, it was a great trip…

I definitely need to go to NY again soon… had so many people I have to visit there, aside from New Yorker, I have a bunch of friends and family that stay in NY and I’ve just never made the time to go visit them… but after such a good weekend, I definitely plan on making that trip again soon…

Ok, so I’m going to learn how to swim this evening, one of the personal trainers at Bally’s is suppose to teach me… I need to learn to swim cause I want to sign up for a triathlon… no I’m not crazy, but I’m already in shape, might as well keep it up and cross off some of the things off my list of “To-Do” things in life…

btw... i see IN (my gym guy) tonight... today is his last final for the semester, so hopefully he'll be more attentive now... but i guess we'll have to wait and see... unfortunately, I'm not sure I'm still as attracted to him as I was before... but maybe he can change my mind about that...

TGIF... NY for the weekend

Its finally Friday… well, JB leave today… saw JB on Wednesday evening… actually I went to his house to go see his little brother, cause his little brother left for Naija last night (side note… I’m close to all the entire the family, all the siblings and their parents as well, so a lot of time I’m just there chilling with anyone of them, usually JB, but often times his brothers….) Anyways, JB got to the house about an hour or so after I had been there, we talked for a bit, but I was heading out cause I had stuff to do… and on my way out he says, so I’ll see you tomorrow… and I’m like y, he goes cause I’m leaving Friday … now we hadn’t talked about me seeing him b4 he left for Nigeria but I guess he assumed that I was planning on seeing him before he left on Friday, I told him to call me and we’d figure it out… needless to say, I didn’t see him yesterday, cause by the time I called him he was getting ready to leave his house and so he was like well I see you tomorrow before I leave… and I told him I had to go to work and most likely not, he was like well I’ll call you and we can figure something out, see you tomorrow…
I do want to see him, but then I don’t at the same time cause when I see him and I’m with him, it makes me want to be with him… so I figure that if I don’t see him then maybe I can get my feeling straightened out… but I guess seeing him before his trip wouldn’t be a big deal since he’ll be gone for a month and I’ll have time to work things thru in my head… all this confusion is part of the reason why I haven’t really approached JB bout out situation, cause I’m not sure what it is I want from him exactly…

Going to NY on Saturday after I finish running, going to go see the Color Purple on Broadway on Saturday evening with my sisters and some friends… then we’re gonna do some shopping on Sunday and head home Sunday afternoon… haven’t been to NY in a while, so I’m excited…

Tomorrow running 20 miles… I’m excited and scared at the same time… its gonna be a challenge but I welcome it with open arms…


10 days to Christmas!!!!
Although I’m bitter about not going to Nigeria for Christmas, I have to admit that my Christmas and New years events in the states are always a lot of fun… so I’m excited about the holiday season… all of my siblings are older so they don’t get as excited about Christmas, but my little nephew is old enough to really enjoy Christmas, so I look forward to spoiling him this Christmas… seeing him open gifts and get all excited… bringing back all the good memories of Christmas that I had as a child… and of course taking some days off of work will be nice…

Have a great weekend all…

being friends with your ex...

My ex-boyfriend from London, L, called me yesterday… L and I are still good friends, we talk occasionally and email frequently, but still just friends… (side note: at one point in my life L was the guy I thought I would marry and live happily ever after with, but that didn’t happen… if you want the whole story, read part II of this post) anyways, L called my yesterday and it threw me off cause it was so unexpected, we were actually in the middle of emailing each other and I was responding to his email when he called… it was so nice to hear his voice, I hadn’t talked to him over the phone in some time, so it was really good to hear his voice… said he had been thinking bout me over the weekend…

Anyways, this leads me to wonder why some people say you can’t be friends with people you’ve dated… and while I agree to an extent… I’m actually friends with most of the people I’ve ever dated, seriously or otherwise… not the best of friends with all of them, but definitely cordial with them all… but really good friends with some of them as well, like L… now I know that for some people its impossible, but for me… I need my space and time before we can be friends, and the friendship has to be on my terms at first until we’re both comfortable, but for me its hard to cut someone out of my life completely especially if its someone that I truly love/loved… (Now, that doesn’t mean that I won’t do it, I actually do that more often than I’d like to, but that’s a story for another day)… there is only one person in my past that I’m not cordial with… that’s CG, fortunate for me, we haven’t ran into each yet since we went our separate ways… but that has a lot to do with the fact that we hang out in different places and I’ve been training so hard for the marathon that I haven’t been going out as much and so on (which is weird, since we have A LOT of mutual friends)
I know a lot of guys try to keep things civil or at least cordial between them as their ex just so that they can still have an opportunity with her in the future, where as I personally do it because I cared for the person at one time, and I still care for them as a human being even if its not in the same capacity as it was before and also, the Nigerian circle is so small, you know who knows who, who’s related to who and who you may run into in the future… if I begin to tell you the tails of the circles in Baltimore and Maryland, you’d would think we were crazy here… anyways, while CG and I no longer speak and as far as I am concerned are no longer even associates, if I ever ran into CG, I would do my absolute best to be cordial cause that’s just me…

If things work out the way I hope and I get to re-locate to London next year, I’m gonna need some assistance from my family and my friends… mainly my ex, L… why mainly him, well the time period I want to move, my cousins will be planning to get married and will be in Nigeria and L is the only other person that would be in the right area and available to assist me…. And also because even after we stopped dating and he needed some help when he was in the stated for an extended period of time, I was more than willing to help him because I cared about his well being… I’m glad that me and him worked things out and are able to be such good friends, cause if we didn’t, my transition to London would probably be very difficult… anyways, its situations like that that make me glad that I am the way I am and that I try to stay cordial with people and not burn bridges with them… while L and I have been through a lot together and are great friends, I know there are some things in my life L would have issues with despite the fact that we are friends… and probably vice versa… but I’m not planning on dealing with that stuff until it comes up or its absolutely necessary…

On a completely different note… I just got off the phone with my brother… he’s getting ready to leave for Nigeria in 5 hours… I am so jealous!!! Here I am at work slaving away (ok, not exactly slaving away) and he’s getting ready to go to the airport and go on vacation… and not to mention that JB is going to Nigeria as well… and when I talked to L yesterday I found out he was going as well… BITTER… I’m just bitter, I knew I wouldn’t be going this year, the moment I signed up for my marathon (can’t miss training this close to the event… 6 weeks away), but still its really hitting me hard now that all my friends are packing up their stuff and getting ready to leave for Naija… I do want to see L… it would be great, he said he assumed I was going, whereas I assumed he wasn’t going… either way we were both wrong… ( btw, did I ever mention that JB is not too thrilled at the fact that I still talk to L on a regular basis, but that’s not my problem… JB was well aware of things before he made his first move on me a year and a half ago…) To be honest, I do want to go to Naija… I want to see L… I want to see my cousins… I want to party like crazy… I want to be lazy for a few weeks… and just enjoy my life… better believe I’ll be there next Christmas…

the weekend... it was cool

The weekend was quite interesting… I went out to dinner with IN on Friday evening after my workout, it was a last minute thing… but it was cool having dinner with him… gave us a chance to really talk outside of the gym… After I left the gym, went home and freshened up and went to go hang out with JB… when I got to JB’s house, both of his brothers were around and I hadn’t seen them in a while (which is odd, cause I literally live 5 minutes away from them)… anyways, it was good seeing them, and then I went upstairs to JB’s room and he was packing to go to Nigeria… I’m gonna miss him, he’s gonna be away for about3 and a half weeks… we hadn’t seen in each other in about a week or so, but I still missed him in that short amount of time… JB and I was were laying down and talking about the future (not our future together, just the future in general)… he’s planning on going to school next year and we’ve been talking about it for a while and he’s seriously considering going to London as well (I’m applying to school in London, trying to make that move abroad for a little bit) and I got really excited… it would be so great if he moved to London as well… I’d have both of my best buds with me (both being JB and my girl, AB… she’s trying to move to London as well next year…) anyways, I know you can’t plan your life around other people’s lives, but it would work out so well if all of us ended up in London next year… anyways, I ended up staying at JB’s house til after 2am, I actually feel asleep in his arms and he just let me sleep… but then I finally woke up and when I realized how late it was I headed out (and normally it wouldn’t be a big deal, I would have stayed the night, but I had to be up at 7:30am to go run 9 miles, so you see I needed to get a decent amount of sleep)… needless to say, I was tired as heck the next morning when I was running, but I got thru it…

Sunday, I was suppose to go to dinner with one of my friends, OC (side note: OC is this guy I met like last year, we talked briefly then ended up just being friends, he’s a year older than me, but I don’t really see myself in a relationship with him, but we’re still cool)… I ended up bailing on him, but I did end up hanging out with my friend, SS … SS and I got a chance to really talk about some things that have been on my mind lately and while I’ve been so stressed with life… SS is a good friend and it was good to just be completely honest with him and have him give me feedback… he said a lot of things that were true and that I needed to hear… anyways, to wrap it up, he said that just cause my life plan is not going exactly as I planned it to, doesn’t mean that I’m not on the right track and that I shouldn’t be so hard on myself and that I shouldn’t stay too long in the same place trying to figure out the impossible…. anyways, I hung out with him and it was cool…


I’m going to move next year… I have the support of my family and I’m looking for every opportunity possible (so incase you know anyone in London that works for an IT firm or is in an IT position, that can pass my resume along… lemme know)… I do feel a little more at peace with the direction of my life, cause I’m working towards a goal now and that makes me feel at ease…

Btw… check out this article I thought it was interesting: http://lifestyle.msn.com/Relationships/Dating/ArticleIV2.aspx?cp-documentid=1286684>1=8881&wa=wsignin1.0

I just don't know...

I often hesitate to blog about my friend, JB… I’ve mentioned him briefly in previous posts, but nothing to detailed for various reasons… JB and I go back… a few years back… he actually was my ex-boyfriend’s, TO, best friend… anyways, me and JB met thru my boyfriend at the time TO… TO and I dated for a while, but eventually broke up (you may remember TO from this post about my first loves)… anyways, TO and JB kinda went their separate ways as well, TO was on some crazy stuvs that no one else was really feeling… anyways, JB and I remained friends, and as time went on we became very good friends… the best of friends actually… he became my male best friend… he knew almost everything about me from who I as dating to the small details of my daily schedule and it was vice versa for me too… I knew about all his girls and so on… he was that person I turned when I had guy questions and that so on…
One day a year and a half ago at a small get together of friends, JB kissed me… it was just a friendly peck on the lips… actually it was quite innocent. And then we were all outside getting ready to leave and get in our cars when JB came over and gave me a real kiss… it kind threw me off… anyways, after that JB and I started hanging out even more and one thing led to another and we were definitely doing our thing, but we both knew that we were just having a good time… after a few months, I started talking to a new guy and around this time last year I told JB that we should go back to just being friends and nothing more, cause I wanted to being a monogamous relationship with the I just started dating… besides I felt like I had gotten too comfortable with JB and knowing that he was always there, it alleviated the nee to go out and find myself a good guy or a boyfriend… anyways, that was the end of that with me and JB… we were still friends, but obviously not as tight as before (as he later revealed to me thru conversation, it was an ego thing… the guy wants to be the one that breaks it off) … anyways, me and JB still were cool, but not the best of friends as before, there was even a point where I wasn’t telling him who I was talking to or dating cause his comments/actions weren’t always favorable towards the person I was dating… but recently in the last couple of months JB and I have been hanging out more and I feel like our friendship is getting back to being as close as it was… we still discuss a lot of things between us… the stuff I tell him I’d never tell most people and even the things I ask him about I’d never ask most people, but we have that comfort thing…
And in the last couple of weeks, he’s been very suggestive about what he wants and why aren’t we chilling like we use to… when I go to his place and hang out and chill, it just feels so natural for him to give me that kiss when he see me… or for him to hold me when we’re watching tv, or just to goof around with him cause he makes me laugh… And well, to tell you the truth, lately he’s been on my mind A LOT… I keep thinking why can’t we just go back and be like we use to be last year, things were really good with me and him doing our thing… and yesterday after church he says to me “I’m really feeling your look… you’d look really good by my side”… and when we talked later yesterday evening, it was more of that and well I know its obvious that we both have our minds in the same place, but then I know JB better than he thinks, he’s not ready for a steady relationship (I know his track record) and well to be honest I don’t know if he truly wants anything as serious as an exclusive relationship with me… which leads me to another thing, one of the other reasons that I stopped being more than just friends with him last year was because I started to catch feelings and really like him, like… like him like him, and although some of the things he says lead me to think he may feel that way now, I don’t know if I’m ready to take that chance…

Anyways, all this has been on my mind for a few weeks… and then there’s IN (my gym guy)… he doesn’t realize that the reason I told him that I had a short attention span and that he needed to step up his game was because I have been seriously thinking about JB and going back to being more than friend with him (and yeah I know the term ‘more than friends’ is not a real term, but what JB and I have is more than friends with benefits, but not exactly an exclusive relationship, hence the reason I use the term, more than friends)… and well IN had a really decent chance of being enough to stop me from going back to chilling with JB cause I was truly interested in him (IN), but my interest has started to wane because of him not stepping up his game… its not my style to chase guys, I just don’t do it… it’s the male’s responsibility and while IN is not doing what he needs to do to get my attention, JB is… JB is doing exactly when he needs to do to get my attention again, and I must admit he’s (JB) is doing a very good job of getting my attention…