My Range of Emotions... What a Roller Coaster!!

Hmmm, what a weekend… well, I’ve been thinking that TA has been acting a little weird lately… and well he thought the same thing about me, we had a conversation on Wednesday evening, cause I was trying to make plans for Thursday evening after I got off work cause my friends were leaving on Thursday morning… anyways, we kinda straighten things out.. cause I asked if everything was ok and so on and the asked what was up with me and why I’d been acting weird lately… and my reaction was that I thought he had been acting weird… so anyways, we talked about it and left it at that… so Thursday afternoon TA texts me saying he was gonna be home in the evening… so I made plans to go visit him after work… let’s just say that it was a very interesting evening… remember this blog entry ‘Everything Happens for a Reason’… well although I was dealing with a major issue (at least it was a major issue for me), I failed to tell TA about it… I had plans on telling him, but I was nervous… actually I was more scared and confused than nervous, and being the type of person that I am, sometimes my pride gets in the way of allowing me to ask for help, assistance or support, even when I really need it… well I dealt with the situation on my own and never told TA… and well thru some discussion, it came out and TA was livid with me… actually livid was an understatement… I almost thought he was through with me… he was quite upset that I kept something so significant away from him… he said I should have known better and that if he’s in, then he’s in.. meaning that I should have known that I could have turned to him in my time of need and we would have dealt with the situation together… hmmm, what could I say… there’s was nothing to say, even though I tried to explain it to him, but nonetheless he was upset with me, which I understood… well, all that said and done, we talked about everything and I think we’re gonna be just fine… and its great to know that I can turn to him for advise and in my time of need, without being afraid that he’ll run away…

I guess its just my personal style to try and handle everything on my own, its how I’ve always done things… there are very few people that I turn to for help, and even fewer people outside of my family… so its hard coming to terms that I have him to turn to… aside from my personal stubbornness, its very difficult for me to trust people, especially when it comes to personal information about me… I’ve seen how people can turn on you and use that information against you, not me personally or any of the people that I’ve entrusted in, but I’ve seen it happen to other people and I can’t imagine that type of betrayal… my heart can’t handle that type of damage at this point in my life… which leads me to another thing, lately I’ve been over emotional… the littlest thing can set me off, not in an angry way, but in a teary-eyed way… the smallest things seem to get me all emotional… NO IT’S NOT PMS… for example, I was reading a book about fathers, and all of a sudden I got all teary-eyed as I was thinking about my dad and how I can’t wait to see him when I go home next… believe it or not, I got teary eyed just writing that last sentence about my dad…

Home sweet home… I’m going home for Thanksgiving… at first I wasn’t going to go cause I thought it didn’t make sense to go home for like 3 and a half days, but then I realized that it was more than worth it to go home for a few days if I get to see my family and friends, even if its just for a short period of time… in 3 days time, I’ll be back home in my own house, room, and bed… I’ll be surrounded by my loving and supportive family (especially my cute nephews and nieces) and by some of the greatest friends that one can ask for!!! Excited is an understatement of how much I am looking forward to going back to Baltimore :-)… Get some good home cooked food, spend time with the fam, relax, drive around (and not have to wait for a bus or train!!!), go shopping at decent prices and so much more. I just need a break from London, just for a little bit… I’m hoping I’ll be re-energized when I come to London… all this said, I will miss TA and I’ll miss London a little bit (it is my new home for now), even if its just for a few days…