I’m having a party… I’m having a party for my birthday in two weeks… it’s at a club, its gonna be hot and a lot of fun… I’m excited!!!

Nothing new to report… life’s been uneventful, but enjoyable…

But I there is one thing I don’t understand… So I was talking/texting to this guy for a while and I mentioned a party that was going on that evening and asked if he would be there… his response: probably not… so I went to my party, and who is the first person I see the minute I walk into the place… same dude that told me he probably wasn’t coming, then he says to me that I got him to come out here… I surely don’t have that much influence on anyone or I doubt that anyone wants to see me that badly… anyways, so you came cause I mentioned I would be here… cool… every time I walk by you, you have a cute comment to say or manage to touch me… also cool… but then you spent half the night not talking to me… and you didn’t even dance with me… and when it was time to go, you say it was my fault cause you couldn’t find me… yeah, I just disappeared right, or I was hiding from you…. Yeah, sure ok… then he says, we’ll just have to make it up at the party…

I’m completely lost… either you like me or you don’t… no need for all this extra B.S. I mean, I’ve given him enough to know that I am interested, but with him its just hard to tell… and well, I’m not gonna be the one to wait around to find out how he’s feeling… I just don’t understand why he can’t be straight with me!!! Anyways, that was Friday nite… the rest of the weekend was good… chilled out and relaxed….

My Break

I’m at a point where I’m not seeing/dating/talking to any guy,,, I kinda thought that I needed a break from guys and all the drama that comes with dating/talking to a guy…. I haven’t had a break for about two years… I just need to clear my head, decide what I want at this point in my life and just enjoy my life… I have some open ended interests (Open ended interests are guys that I know are interested in me, and we may talk every once in a while, but I’m not just not interested in taking things any further and that I’m just good as being friends or associates… )
There some advantages and of courser some disadvantages to my current position… the advantages being that I decided to take a break out of choice, I get a chance to re-focus on what I want, a get a chance to explore different or new interests that I may otherwise not have time for, I don’t feel obligated to consider someone else’s feelings when I decided to do something, I get time to hang out with my single friends and I just get to live a drama free life… the main disadvantage, sometimes feeling lonely, but that rarely happens cause I’m always around friends and having a good time….
Once I get my head on straight, I’ll be ready to start dating again, or if I find a guy that blows my mind and I feel like I can’t let him pass me by, can’t let good opportunities walk away from you!!!

Right now though, I’m just gonna enjoy where I am in life,,,

40 Questions?!?!

1. My sister once: hit our dads (parked) car from behind… it was soo hilarious, lucky for her she didn’t do any noticeable damage!
2. Never in my life: did I imagine myself as the corporate type doing a 9 to 5
3. When I was five: I ran away from home (ok, across the street to my friends house) but when my parents found me… I got the butt whooping of a life time
4. High School was: one of the greatest times of my life… being popular, class vice-president, and being an athlete made it a wonderful experience.
5. I will never forget: the day I walked in on my boyfriend (at the time) having sex with some random girl…
6. I once met: a guy that stole my heart and then broke it into a million pieces
7. There's this girl I know who: is so closed minded about things, that she restricts herself from enjoying life… she makes me glad that I have enough experience that I can enjoy life and not worry about the small things!
8. Once, at a bar: at Coyote Ugly in Las Vegas, me and my friends got on the bar and started dancing… it was great!!!
9. By noon, I'm usually: trying to stay awake at work... and counting down how many hours before I get to the bar/happy hour!!!
10. Last night: I had dinner and went bar hopping with one of my closest friends… then went to see a boy afterwards…
11. If I only had: lost the weight a little earlier in life…
12. Next time I go to church: I’ll try to get there on time
13. Terry Shiavo: Who???
14. What worries me most: that I won’t find a suitable man to marry and live happily ever after with.
15. When I turn my head left, I see: my cube mate (at work) pretending to do work…
16. When I turn my head right, I see: my alarm clock (at home) … and realize that time is passing me by while I’m here in bed…
17. You know I'm lying when: I start stumbling over my words
18. What I miss most about the eighties: was the carefree days… no responsibilities yet (I was a mere child in those days!)
19. If I was a character in Shakespeare, I'd be: Juliet…
20. By this time next year: I hope to be in a meaningful relationship or chilling in Jamaica (but preferably the first option, or both!).
21. A better name for me would be: Discombobulated…
22. I have a hard time understanding: why I am so forgiving sometimes, especially to the ex-boyfriends that screw me over!
23. If I ever go back to school I’ll: probably get my MBA… and party like I was 21 all over again!
24. You know I like you if: I invite you to go out with me and meet my other friends
25. If I ever won an award, the first person I'd thank would be: my friends and family
26. Darwin, Mozart, Slim Pickens & Geraldine Ferraro: had it right… it is the survival of the fittest that last, made great music that I can’t fully appreciate yet, I like lots of options...., dunno!?!?
27. Take my advice, never: pass up an opportunity to have a good times… you only live once!
28. My ideal breakfast is: sex in the morning… maybe followed by some food for staminaJ…29. A song I love, but do not own is: I’m every woman by Chaka Khan
30. If you visit my hometown, I suggest: going downtown… it’s a great view and the restaurants are great!
31. Tulips, character flaws, microchips & track stars: tulips are pretty… flaws can be annoying, do I eat those? and track stars have great legs!!!
32. Why won't people: just mind their own freaking business and leave me out of their mouth!
33. If you spend the night at my house: you’ll get breakfast in bed… NOT… but you will find that everyone in my household wakes up pretty damn early on the weekends… its actually kinda weird…
34. I'd stop my wedding for: No one… gotta get down the aisle before he (the groom) realizes what he’s getting himself into!
35. The world could do without: racists and republicans (but then again aren’t they synonymous)
36. I'd rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: ???
37. My favorite blonde is: Jessica Simpson or Lisa Simpson (if you can consider her a blond)38. Paper clips are more useful than: having no paper clips.
39. If I do anything well, it's: enjoying my life!!!
40. And by the way: I’m not as strong as I seem… I do get lonely sometimes, but being lonely is better than being hurt!

So, last night was an early night for me and my friends, so as i proceeded to drop my friend off at home and start the long drive home (which wouldn't be so bad, except that i wasn't in the mood to really drive, it was early and I was still a bit buzzed)... so anyways, i decided to call him (him being the guy i mentioned in my last post... that i use to talk to/date for a little while... lets call him AO)... So anyways, i called A to see what he was up to... i wanted to stop by and hang out for a bit, since his place is on my way home...

anyways, he said come over and we got there about the same time, cause he was just coming home from work... so in we went into his house... his family is chilling in the living room, i spoke to them all (trying not to blush) and then we proceeded to the basement (where his room is) to hangout... we just talked for a bit and watch some TV... it was a little tense, cause here we are both laying on his bed, trying to pretend that we're not attracted to one another... weird thing is we hadn't seen each other at all in like 2 months, even though we talked on the phone and emailed and all that... guess you kinda forget the affect a person can have on you, when you're with them alone... anyways, after about an hour and a half or so, i decided it was time for me to head out... so i get up, put on my shoes... we proceed to say our good byes and he gets up and gives me the biggest hug ever, it felt soooo good... and then he kissed me on my neck... and i just couldn't resist anymore, so i leaned in and kissed him... needless to say, he was all for it (but he did start it with the kiss on my neck... that was an unfair move)... anyways, that goodbye hug turned into a 15 minute goodbye kiss... in which he repeated stated, you have to come and visit me again... and of course i was like, definitely... i left shortly after that...

talked to him for a bit once i got home and then i went to bed... we never really talked about things.... but i'm not sure there's anything to talk about... well, there is... but i don't know if i'm ready to talk about it.... i like him and i can't help it.... but i honestly don't even know what his status is or what's really going on with him... you know how it is, once you stop talking to someone and say that ya'll will stay friends, its just the superficial things that you talk about... (i know he doesn't have a girlfriend, but i don't know if he's talking or seeing someone else seriously... which i guess would be an important factor to know...)

anyways, here i am at work trying to get my mind off of the entire event and off of him, but i can't help it, but he keeps running thru my mind...

"So-Called Friend"

So I’ve come to find out that the world, in deed, does not revolve around me… you know that whole he said she said BS from high school that you think will eventually go away once people grow the f*ck up... well it never goes away and in some cases some people just never grow up!!!

Let me explain, I was talking to this guy, AO, for a few weeks…. And I was really feeling (like he definitely had potential…) and anyways, after a while things just started getting weird all of a sudden , he became distant… and me being me, I was like I don’t have time for this BS, neither get your shit together or leave me out of it completely… anyways, he wasn’t getting his stuff together, so I was like I’m done… only to find out last night from a close confidant (some 3 months after we stopped talking), that some drama had went down… So, I had mentioned his name briefly and that we were talking to one of my ‘so-called friends’, I was like I’m really feeling this dude so please keep it to yourself about me and him (cause you know once people hear your happy, they want to ruin it for ya)… needless to say the girl didn’t keep it to herself, she ended up telling 2 people with the same day I told her… and one of the people she told called his ex-girlfriend and the ex-girlfriend called dude crying and all… talk about some straight up BS… anyways, me being me, I called the aforementioned ‘so-called friend’ once I found out about all this and asked her what happened (didn’t want to jump to conclusion, so I went straight to the source)… and she just straight up lied to me, then rushed me of the phone with ‘I’ll call you right back’… well I’m still waiting for her to call me back… and then surprising dude called me, it was just random.. said he’d been meaning to call me for the last couple of days (cause he’s a honest guy.. guy being the key word, I decided to take his word for it)… and so of course I asked him about it and he explained… and he figured that I knew about the whole situation, which of course I didn’t know about… anyways, needless to say that situation affect what could have been (who know maybe we would have stopped talking eventually anyways, but who knows!!!)

anyways, me and him stopped talking shortly after the incident, and I didn’t really understood what happened or why things ended so weirdly… but we’re still friends and all afterwards …

Anyways, now I wonder what could have been with him if all that drama hadn’t of gone down or what I would have done if I had known about it when it was happening… cause like I said I was really feeling this guy at the moment… but I guess the past is the past…

As for the ‘so-called friend’.... I’m just gonna wait to see if she calls me back… cause our worlds are very small… eventually she’s gonna run into me and won’t be able to avoid talking to me… maybe I should just let it go, but then I just can’t cause then she’ll never learn that her actions not only affect her but have consequences for the people that confide in her as well… and I just really want her to know I didn’t appreciate that shit… and now I gotta watch what I say around her… that’s crazy, if your my friend I shouldn’t have to hold my tongue around you… guess I won’t be hanging out with her anymore!

?!?!

Don't offer to come join me in my bed if you don't mean it!!!

ex: What u up to?

DD:Just chillin before i head to bed

ex: going to bed without me

DD: you're more than welcome to join me

. . .

ex: I want my bed

DD: Me too
(Now i meant that i wanted his bed too... but he doesn't need to know all that)

ex: Y do you want my bed?

DD: LOL... i meant i want my bed too...

ex: oh

DD: bout to head to bed, but i wouldn't mind your bed though

ex: go to bed... we'll talk tomorrow