The Talk...

I’m not crazy… I promise you all that… i'm just confused about what i want, that's all...

Anyways, we finally had our talk on Sunday evening… I wanted to have it earlier, but we we’re celebrating his birthday on Friday night and bunch of his friends were coming out of town and I didn’t want to ruin that for him… so anyways, after a long weekend we finally got a chance to talk last night as I was cooking dinner for us… I sat him down and I asked him all the questions that were going thru my head about what I saw in the trash in his bathroom, that suspicious phone calls and so on… and then I said that maybe it would be best if we were just friends… and that’s when things got interesting… he didn’t understand why or where it was coming from… we talked and talked… and well here it goes… he said that he really didn’t understand why I wanted to be just friends or rather associates, that he’s being honest with me, that he’s not talking or seeing anyone else… that he’s been honest and open with me from the beginning and that why would he start lying to me now… he went on about what did he do and how can we fix it and so on…. And to tell you the truth, that broke my heart to hear him asking those questions… it hurts me just thinking about it again… and now I’m confused… he answered every question that I had for him and they were reasonable answers… and I told him I wanted to believe him, but it was hard to… so we stopped talking… we ate dinner… and then we started talking again… he said he understood where I was coming from, but just didn’t know what to say or think…and I felt like we were going in circles, cause at that point I didn’t know what I wanted either… and well I still don’t… and so we left it at I should think about where I want to go with things and he should go and think about what he wanted…

And well, what am I thinking…. I’m thinking I really truly care about this RFM, and that he’s a great guy… and even if he is telling me the truth about everything (which I think he is), I’m thinking he just may not be the right great guy for me… maybe I just need some time to think things thru and figure things out in my head… and then I’m thinking maybe I’m just being typical me and ending what could be a really good thing… or am I making the right decision because I know that as great as RFM is, there are some things that I can’t necessarily deal with… and that maybe we’d both be happier with other people that we would be more compatible with… and so I just don’t know…