The last couple of days have been a complete blur to me… I’ve had so much happen that I don’t know what to begin… I found out about some information about my life (it’s a bit too personal for me to share), and it was big enough to threaten life as I know it… confused and dazed, and with no family in arm reach, I was left to make some hard decisions on my own… I was left to suffer the consequences of my actions… and as I struggled for the a few days about what I needed to do, what I should do, and looking for who to turn to, I found no answers for any of the questions… but then I went to church on Sunday… now usually have a long nite out of dancing and drinking on a Saturday evening, church usually didn’t happen the next day, but for some reason I woke up quite early on Sunday morning, tried to convince myself to go back to sleep, but it wasn’t working… so I reluctantly got out of my bed, go dressed and made the 45/50 minute commute to my church… and boy can I say that I’ve never been happier to go to church in my life… I go to Jesus House in Brent Cross, and it was only the second service I’d been to, but the sermon that pastor preached on Sunday touched me in a way that no other pastor or sermon had every reached me before… maybe it was because I was going through a tough time, maybe because I’ve never felt so alone in my life, or maybe because I needed to touch my heart… I simply don’t know… but as I wept (yes, little old me wept in church), I’d never felt so at peace with things in life… As the day progressed, I realized that I didn’t wake up early because I wasn’t tired or because the sun was shining into my room or because of any other reason than the fact that God knew that I needed to hear that sermon on Sunday in order to help me get thru my situation… me, not being one that likes to really show my emotions or vulnerable side, especially in public, was sitting in touch crying because I had been touched so much by the messaged preached on Sunday afternoon.
I know that everything happens for a reason… and although we may not be able to always understand or see the reasoning for certain things happening, I have no doubt that everything does happen for a reason. Am I going to become that overly religious person that preaches to everyone, everywhere, all the time… nope, its not in me to be that person… but I am becoming that person who is more guarded about the special relationship she has with God, making sure that nothing and no one comes between her and her creator… a person who has restored faith and hope, not only in life, but more importantly in myself… a person who see a light at the end of the tunnel, that just a few days was so dark… a person at peace with what life has brought her and how she has responded… a person who understands that you can’t truly know happiness unless you’ve truly known pain and sorrow… a person who can rejoice because she’s seen trials and tribulations and has survived to become a better and stronger person because of it… a person she can look at in the mirror everyday, smile at and respect… a person that is stronger than she ever thought possible…. a person that knows she’s going to try her best to be all she can be, but realizes that no one, but God, is perfect… a person that knows that life works in mysterious ways, and it is not my place to try to understand, but rather my place to have faith…
“Love truth, and pardon error.” ~Voltaire (1694 - 1778)
“Desire, ask, believe, receive. “~Stella Terrill Mann
“Sometimes it seems like God is difficult to find and impossibly far away. We get so caught up in our small daily duties and irritations that they become the only things that we can focus on. What we forget is that God's love and beauty are all around us, every day, if only we would take the time to look up and see them.” ~Matthias
“I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much.” ~Mother Teresa
“EVERY path may lead you to God, even the weird ones. Most of us are on a journey. We’re looking for something, though we’re not always sure what that is. The way is foggy much of the time. I suggest you slow down and follow some of the side roads that appear suddenly in the mist.” ~Real Live Preacher
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2 comments:
i hope you are doing well.. (as per the info you found out)...
i'm so glad you had that experience with God. he is awesome, isn't he?
I hope all is well Lady... and God I think we all have to find our own way with him ... and you found yours and there is nothing wrong with that! Ill be in London in the spring!
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