I just don't know...

I often hesitate to blog about my friend, JB… I’ve mentioned him briefly in previous posts, but nothing to detailed for various reasons… JB and I go back… a few years back… he actually was my ex-boyfriend’s, TO, best friend… anyways, me and JB met thru my boyfriend at the time TO… TO and I dated for a while, but eventually broke up (you may remember TO from this post about my first loves)… anyways, TO and JB kinda went their separate ways as well, TO was on some crazy stuvs that no one else was really feeling… anyways, JB and I remained friends, and as time went on we became very good friends… the best of friends actually… he became my male best friend… he knew almost everything about me from who I as dating to the small details of my daily schedule and it was vice versa for me too… I knew about all his girls and so on… he was that person I turned when I had guy questions and that so on…
One day a year and a half ago at a small get together of friends, JB kissed me… it was just a friendly peck on the lips… actually it was quite innocent. And then we were all outside getting ready to leave and get in our cars when JB came over and gave me a real kiss… it kind threw me off… anyways, after that JB and I started hanging out even more and one thing led to another and we were definitely doing our thing, but we both knew that we were just having a good time… after a few months, I started talking to a new guy and around this time last year I told JB that we should go back to just being friends and nothing more, cause I wanted to being a monogamous relationship with the I just started dating… besides I felt like I had gotten too comfortable with JB and knowing that he was always there, it alleviated the nee to go out and find myself a good guy or a boyfriend… anyways, that was the end of that with me and JB… we were still friends, but obviously not as tight as before (as he later revealed to me thru conversation, it was an ego thing… the guy wants to be the one that breaks it off) … anyways, me and JB still were cool, but not the best of friends as before, there was even a point where I wasn’t telling him who I was talking to or dating cause his comments/actions weren’t always favorable towards the person I was dating… but recently in the last couple of months JB and I have been hanging out more and I feel like our friendship is getting back to being as close as it was… we still discuss a lot of things between us… the stuff I tell him I’d never tell most people and even the things I ask him about I’d never ask most people, but we have that comfort thing…
And in the last couple of weeks, he’s been very suggestive about what he wants and why aren’t we chilling like we use to… when I go to his place and hang out and chill, it just feels so natural for him to give me that kiss when he see me… or for him to hold me when we’re watching tv, or just to goof around with him cause he makes me laugh… And well, to tell you the truth, lately he’s been on my mind A LOT… I keep thinking why can’t we just go back and be like we use to be last year, things were really good with me and him doing our thing… and yesterday after church he says to me “I’m really feeling your look… you’d look really good by my side”… and when we talked later yesterday evening, it was more of that and well I know its obvious that we both have our minds in the same place, but then I know JB better than he thinks, he’s not ready for a steady relationship (I know his track record) and well to be honest I don’t know if he truly wants anything as serious as an exclusive relationship with me… which leads me to another thing, one of the other reasons that I stopped being more than just friends with him last year was because I started to catch feelings and really like him, like… like him like him, and although some of the things he says lead me to think he may feel that way now, I don’t know if I’m ready to take that chance…

Anyways, all this has been on my mind for a few weeks… and then there’s IN (my gym guy)… he doesn’t realize that the reason I told him that I had a short attention span and that he needed to step up his game was because I have been seriously thinking about JB and going back to being more than friend with him (and yeah I know the term ‘more than friends’ is not a real term, but what JB and I have is more than friends with benefits, but not exactly an exclusive relationship, hence the reason I use the term, more than friends)… and well IN had a really decent chance of being enough to stop me from going back to chilling with JB cause I was truly interested in him (IN), but my interest has started to wane because of him not stepping up his game… its not my style to chase guys, I just don’t do it… it’s the male’s responsibility and while IN is not doing what he needs to do to get my attention, JB is… JB is doing exactly when he needs to do to get my attention again, and I must admit he’s (JB) is doing a very good job of getting my attention…

This gym guy of mine...

So I went to the gym yesterday… and by this point I had already made up my mind about IN… I was gonna try to create some type of distance between us so that we’d both lose interest and go about our separate ways… I did try… as usual, I did my work out, I actually changed it up a bit, tried some new machines, did some free weights and so on… and of course I had to go work on my abs… the abs area is where IN’s desk is located, I did most of my workout without really making the usual eye contact that I do, I gave him a quick nod of acknowledgement but I didn’t want to stop my work out… it was me and my friend TR working out… she started coming to the gym with me twice a week (guess she got motivated)… anyways, after the ab workout, I was just gonna wave bye and then get ready to leave. This was the perfect opportunity to do that cause he had like 2 or 3 other employees in his office, so I got up, I waved at him, as in see you next time… and to my surprise, he kicked everyone out of his office and call my name to come over…

ok, there goes my plan of trying to keep a distance… so of course I go over, and I stand in the door way not really inviting myself in (like I usually do)… and he notices and gestures for me to relax and have a seat… now, my friend TR was waiting for me in the locker room cause we were going to grab dinner (which made me feel better about not sitting in his office and talking for ever like he usually wants to)… anyways, we talked for a few minutes, maybe about 15 mins or so… long story short, we did the usual chit chat stuff and then we just conversed about some other things where I mentioned to him that I have a short attention span and that if people don’t hold my attention they lose it (hoping he’d get the clue)…. he was telling me that schools been really tough lately cause its close to the end of the semester and how he was up til 5am doing a paper and so, I almost felt bad for me… and then he’s like when are we going to hang out… I wanted to yell when he asked that, he’s the ones that’s soooooooo busy… I simply replied, well, if you ever called me, I’d check my schedule and we could make plans to get together… I made some other comments to get him to understand that he wasn’t doing what he needed to do and that I was starting to lose interest… and after a few minutes I got up and was like I need to go, my friend is waiting on me… he asked me to call him later (and then asked if that was okay with me, which I thought was soooo cute of him) … I called later, we spoke for a few minutes but he sounded so tired, I actually did feel bad for him cause while he was at work studying, I was laid up in my comfortable bed… anyways, he called me later that evening after he got off work and we spoke for a little bit longer… Needless to say I think he got the message… yeah I know I probably should cut the guy some slack, but I feel like I’ve already done that, as I told my girl, JD, last nite… I need a certain amount of attention to keep me interested, actually I don’t need a certain amount of attention, I deserve a certain amount of attention... hello, I am Miss DD…

back in action...

No I haven’t abandoned my blog… but here's what's been going on with me in a nutshell… I had a great thanksgiving, was too busy stuffing my face to get to the computer and blog… went crazy on black Friday and shopped my head off, spending all kinds of money on things that I probably don’t need, but wanted… then I fell terribly sick on Saturday, ended up in the ER for what turned out to be a stomach flu/virus, I was in a lot of pain (no worries, I’m all better now)… stayed home a few days and now I’m out and about… back to work today…

Anyways… let’s see… my gym guy, IN doesn’t realize that I have a short attention span and that he needs to step up his game… my interest was already waning, I thought that the thanksgiving break would have been a good time to get together and so something… but yet another test he failed… I did see him a couple of times of the thanksgiving weekend (only cause I went to work out) and he was being super friendly and flirtatious as usual, but the gym is neither the time or place to be trying to get with me… I do understand that he works a lot and is still in school, but thanksgiving was a 4 day weekend, and if you can’t make time to hang out on a four day weekend, then you probably can’t make time to hang out during normal weekends… oh well… and he does this thing where whenever I got to the gym he’s like ‘oh, you’ve forgotten about me’ or ‘you haven’t called me’.. hello…… the phone works two ways, learn to pick it up and use it buddy… aiight, aiight, enough about IN…

Anyways, I can’t believe its almost December… actually it only 2 days always… I love the holidays, I’m going to decorate my house this weekend… since I am the youngest I’m usually the one that does that, but it never bothers me cause I enjoy the holidays so much… I also excited about all the good movies coming out during the holidays, the one I’m most excited about is the new Will Smith movie called the Pursuit of Happiness… if you haven’t seen the previews or commercials about it, check it out here: http://www.sonypictures.com/movies/thepursuitofhappyness/
enjoy!

the weekend....

The weekend was cool… talked to IN a little bit, didn’t make plans to hang out or anything, but it was cool… Friday night I hung out with a random friend, JO, he’s younger than me by a few years, but pretty mature for his age (or at least I thought he was)… anyways, we went to this fundraiser party thing, ran into a couple of old faces that I haven’t seen in a while… it was all good… anyways, on the ride back, JO and I were talking about a bunch of different things… so we decided to head back to his place, I didn’t think nothing of it since I’d known his for a few years and he’s a pretty cool guy, til we got to his place and he was trying to be all over me… it quickly changed my option of him… I told him he needed to chill out and relax, that I wasn’t interested in him and secondly he would ruin out friendship… well, he didn’t listen, this kid was really trying to have sex with me… I was furious, picked up my stuff and was out… but I was just blown cause I always that he was a sweet kid… in the morning he called me and then texted… nothing … then he called and texted again… nothing… I wasn’t about to spend my valuable time on him… so I went to work (I work at a restaurant on the weekends)… and the phone rings and I pick it up to take an order, why was its JO and he’s all like ‘DD, I’m sorry about what happened last night and blah blah blah”… my response “Its not a big deal, I just expected more from you… now, can I take your order” hmmm, I wasn’t ready to even talk to him, much less see him… he came to get his food, and I was as cordial as I could be (cause I can be as cold as it gets to people)… anyways, he kept trying to talk to me and I simply said I don’t have anything to say to you, when I’m ready I’ll talk to you, cause I work on my own time… needless to say, I was right and the situation messed up our friendship… but I’m not so concerned, cause its not like he’s someone I chill with like that anyways…

Sunday was crazy… ran 14 miles, it wasn’t too bad… actually I was quite proud of myself…. 14 miles is more than half of a marathon, it renewed my confidence that I can actually do this marathon that I am training for!

So one of my good friends, JD, proceeded to inform me that I’m usually more interested in the chase when it comes to a guy and not actually having him (having him in the sense of doing anything with him or having a relationship with him)… and that the few times that I actually am interested in the guy that it doesn’t last too long before I lose interest… now, the chase with IN was definitely fun… but to tell you the truth I haven’t talked to him since Friday night… which actually isn’t a big deal… and that’s her point… usually when I’m really into someone, me and the guy talk pretty frequently and the fact that I’m ok with now having talked to IN since Friday nite, she’s suspecting that I’m no longer interested in him now that I know that I can have him… and well, its not that I’m no longer interested in him, its more like now he has to step up his game to keep my interest otherwise I will be distracted very quickly and won’t look back…

(To be completely honestly I don’t necessary disagree with JD, but I know some of that stems from my past relationships… and its something I’m working on… because it really comes down to who cares less… you know how the saying goes, the person that cares less controls the relationship… and it is a control thing… but I’m working it out, shucks, at least I can admit it… and its something that I’m working on)

I’m going to the gym tonight, so we’ll see…

He finally made his move...

OMG!!!! I couldn’t wait to blog this…. So as I stated earlier today, I was going to the gym… was kinda in a weird mood when I got there (maybe that had something to do with IN’s page that I saw on Hi5 (one of those community online communities… yes, I know I actually looked him up :-/)…. Anyways, after seeing IN (my gym guy) at the gym I had a smile plastered on my face… as usual he came over during my ab work out and we started talking, the usual chatting about what’s been going on and so on… as I was finishing my workout, I started to stretch and IN says, its time for dinner… then I reply (jokingly) what are we having for dinner or what r u bring me… he was like let’s go, if you’re done with your work out… luckily I was just about done.. so we went to go get something to eat around the corner, and I thought we were gonna just grab it to go, but he suggested we eat there… that’s was cool with me by all means… so we got to talking, and he asks me why am I single, and my reply was no reason in particular, I just am… anyways our conversation drifted from my status to his status (hmmm, which was a bit sketch) to sex to our various life experiences.

Anyways, we ate and talked for a bit, it was really cool… he is such a beautiful man (I know beautiful is not the best way to describe a man, but damn nothing describes him better… talk, dark, and handsome with the cutest accent)… So we headed back to his job, I drove cause first of all, I don’t know him well enough to be jumping into his car and second of all I like to be in control… anyways, once we got back to his job, we sat in the car and just talked for a bit… his one hour break turned into a two hour break… and somewhere in the mist of our talking and flirting, he leaned in and kissed me… then he kissed me again and again… and Damn can I say he’s a great kisser… anyways, it was really cool… I hope he didn’t get in trouble for being gone for 2 hours... but it was really cool getting to know him…. Talking about how he thought I was shy and all, and how he’s had his eye on me for a while and so on…

He wanted to get together later this evening once he gets off work at 11pm… but for me, that’s kinda late to be meeting…he said he really wanted to see me again, and that I should think about it and call him at work… Anyways, I’m called him to tell him that I wasn’t up for meeting up tonight and if we could plan something for the weekend… what I thought would be a 5/10 minute conversation turned into an conversation that lasted well over an hour… we’re gonna make plans tomorrow to hang out soon… but I can just say that I am very much attracted to his man, IN, in every way possible… He was just so up front about things, and said the cutest comments... had me blushing and all... I couldn’t stop smiling while I was talking to him on the phone… and even now that I'm off the phone with him, the smile is still shining across my face… I know its silly to be excited about it, but we have been flirting back and forth for about 2 months and I’m just so gitty… and I can’t wait to talk to him tomorrow…. And he has the sexist phone voice with his cute accent!

Ok, enough about IN… I’m off to bed, sweet dreams… I know what I’ll be dreaming of!

quick update...

Its been a crazy week at work (been in the process of moving my desk)... haven't had time to really blog... but I haven't seen IN (gym guy) this week, but I'm headed to the gym tonight, so we'll see how that goes...
Had a business school interview yesterday, and it went quite well... still trying to decide what to do with life... after my interviews, went to drinks with my girls, AB & NM... we had a blast as usual and then I met up for drinks with one my friend, YA... YA and i sorta have a history, but we're way past that now, or at least I thought we were til last night... anyway's i'll blog all about my outing with YA tomorrow... gotta run, hope ya'll are all having a great week!

good times...

Homecoming weekend was great… I knew it was gonna be a lot of fun, but still it amazed how much I really enjoyed myself! I went out Thursday nite to one of the local clubs by campus, it was great ($2 bucks to get in, compared to the $20 I pay in DC to get into the club)… anyways, the entire weekend was cool…
The Sigma’s won the step shop (Yeah Frat!!!)… the parties were fun, the people were cool and overall it was one of the best homecoming weekends I’ve ever been too…
Me and 10 of my friends all stayed in the same hotel, so that was a lot of fun as well…
I didn’t realize how much I missed my friends and loved my undergrad experience, but whenever I return to visit, its always full of fond memories and happy times! Anyways, it was really great to see all my college buddies… Some are married, some still in grad school, some working & doing the 9 to 5, and of course some that we just can’t figure out if they ever graduated or exactly what they do? But none the less, it was great hanging out again. This weekend was definitely an ego booster, realized that I’m not as behind in life as I sometimes think I am… my friends loved my new car, appreciated that I was done with grad school, and that I have a good job in my field… and me, I appreciated the friends that were married or on the way to marriage… but this entire weekend help put things into a better perspective for me… it was nice to be carefree for the weekend...

Only down part to the entire weekend, was that when I got back home last night, I realized that the memory card in my camera had popped out, so now I don’t have any pictures from the weekend and I’m out of a $60 dollar memory card… but thank goodness for facebook, by the time I had got home and settled in, pictures were already popping up on facebook, so while I won’t have all my pictures, I’ll be able to gather enough from all my friends’ cameras…

On a side note…
I wanted to call the gym before I left Thursday and talk to IN, but one, I didn’t want him to think I was sweating him and two, I actually wanted to see his reaction when I ask him what’s taking him so long to ask for my number … so hopefully if he’s at the gym tonight when I go, I’ll get a chance to talk to him for a little bit… wish me luck (and I’ll definitely ask if he has a gf)…

Homecoming Weekend!!!

Its homecoming weekend!!! Headed back to my Alma Marta… I went to school in the south, good ol’ North Carolina… I went to a predominant white school, but it was a really big school, so there definitely were enough black people there and around the area… My days in undergrad, I wouldn’t change them for ANYTHING… while I did complain about a lot of things in college (who doesn’t???), my undergrad experience was phenomenal… I look back and realized how much I loved it and how much fun it was… I was Miss super involved in everything, especially in my sorority, for a while, the Alphas called me Super-Zeta (you know how it is when you first cross and you’re over zealous, well I was over-zealous for the entire time I was there :-))… anyways, I can’t wait to see my friends, the people I talk to on a regular basis but don’t live close enough to… its always nice to see how people are progressing in life and just to reminisce about the old times and hang out again… but things are never the same when you go back, you never realized how much you’ve changed until you go back to a place that’s unchanged, you realize that you see things different and perceive things different, and only then do you see how much you’ve changed… but still the experience is always a good one… going back to a place unchanged gives you perspective and shows you how much you’ve grown!

Now, I haven’t been out to a party/club since the beginning of September because of my training for the marathon, but please believe that I will be out there this weekend with my friend partying it up… even though I’ll suffer the next morning when I have to go running (the training stops for NO ONE, luckily my long run is only 6 miles), it’ll all be worth it!!!

On a Side note: So I went to the gym yesterday, and IN (my gym guy) was there ( I was so happy to see him cause he wasn’t there the last two times I went to the gym and I was starting to think maybe he didn’t work there anymore)… anyways, I managed to convince one of my friends to sign up for Bally’s as well, so when she was doing the paper work and all, I stroll over to IN’s office and he invites me in and we start talking… I’m like where have you been, thought u abandoned me… he said school’s been crazy (he’s working towards a law-degree) and its just kept him busy and that he wouldn't abandon me… so we were talking about school, and I was telling him that I decided I was going back to school, just not sure exactly what I want to get my degree in… and IN goes ‘you can get your masters in me, and you can study me anytime you want to…’ and he got all shy and I was like ‘Really, cause I would like that’ and we were finally on the path to exchanging numbers, when some girl comes to his office, she was a client, so he couldn’t blow her off, but then she wouldn’t leave, proceeded to intro herself to me and all, and all I’m thinking is can you leave so me and IN can finish our conversation, but she didn’t and then another client came to his office, and then I was like I should go work out… then he had back to back clients til I left and we never got to talk again, except when I was leaving he came over to me, and was like so I’ll see you Friday right (hmmm, somebody knows my work out schedule…), nope, I’m going out of town I informed him and he said oh, well then I’ll see you next week and then he gave me that gorgeous smile of his… Guess I have to wait til Monday, and hopefully we can talk then…

Anyways, took Friday off, so after work today I’m gone for the weekend… have a great one, cause I definitely will…

loooooong weekend...

Long weekend… ran my 12 miles on Saturday (i also ran thru event emotion from being happy to be exercising to being proud of my accmplishment, to being angry at how long 12 miles actually is, to resentment for doing the marathon, then back to satisfaction for doing the 12 miles and still wanting to complete the marathon :-)), after running I then went to work that afternoon and then went to some Masquerade Ball (instead of resting my poor little legs)… it was cool though, and Sunday was crazy, have a big family event and spent most of the day cooking and serving people (you know how those Nigerian family events can get out of hand…) Anyways, the event was the baby dedication at church for my niece (2 months old) and nephew (5 weeks old)… the children are such blessing and great additions to our family… it was a good mix of our friends (my siblings) and our parent’s friends and family friends…

Anyways, I guess I didn’t really realize how much it bothered me that I don’t what to do with my life or what I should be doing with my life (in my master plan, I was suppose to be planning my own wedding day by now, but with no boyfriend at the present moment or in the immediate foreseeable future it makes it a little difficult to do that)… anyways as I was saying, I guess I didn’t really realize how much it bothered me until yesterday afternoon, after the baby dedication at church and we had a bunch of people over, and a friend of mine, SS, (a friend I dated about 2 and a half years ago and I actually met him thru my sister-in-law, so he was there to celebrate the baby dedication with us) and I were talking and some how we got on the topic of what’s next in life, and how life was going and so on and out of no where tears started flowing from my eyes. Now, SS and I are good friends, we talk on a regular basis and he’s someone I would definitely confide in cause he’s a very trustworthy guy, but I was just surprised as how easily tears formed at my eyes when we really started talking about the future, and I guess it surprised him as much as it did me, then he asked what my greatest fear was, and I could only reply, I can’t get into that right here cause then I’d get really emotional… and of course he made me promise to call him later to talk and so on and so on… I guess it threw him off because I’m not the most emotional person in general (I can be sensitive, but I hardly ever show my vulnerable side to people, not even to him when we dated) and it threw me off just cause it was so unexpected and I never planned on reacting that way… so, anyways, all that got me to thinking about what I really want to do… I was planning on going back to grad school next year to get an MBA, mind you I already have a master’s degree and I have a good full time job… and I was talking to one of my co-workers and I think the idea of going back to school would help to delay my fear of what’s next and not necessarily help me to solve the current issue at hand, which is what do I really want to do… going back to school would give me the opportunity to learn more, earn another degree, but more than that it would give me a chance to meet new and different people (Nigerians) and I would hope that it would open other opportunities for me to explore and find what I want to do.
I didn’t call SS like I promised I would, cause I wasn’t ready to talk about it, especially not with him cause I know he’ll make be completely open and honest with him and I dunno if I’m ready to do that… I did however, text him and apologize for tearing up during our conversation and he said he wanted to make sure I was ok and he reassured me that he was there for me whenever I was ready to talk…
On a side note, SS is such a great person, may times I wondered why we stopped talking/dating… he’s a great guy, so sweet and kind and considerate and we’ve always had that chemistry between us, but I guess some people you’re just meant to be friends with… either way, I’m grateful for him and his friendship…

Now I’m off to go try and figure out what the heck is wrong with me, or at least figure out what the heck I want to do with my life….

my gym guy - part II

So as I left work Wednesday on my way to the gym, I was thinking how come I never run into my gym guy, IN, outside the guy (like even in the parking lot)… then it was as if my prayers were answered, as soon as I pull into the Bally’s parking lot, here come IN walking out, so I pull up to him inquiring where he was going and who was gonna help me thru my ab workout…. He said he was headed across the street to the mall to grab something to eat and would be back for my workout… and out of no where here I go offering: well I’m already driving, want me to take you (yeah I was quite surprised at that myself)… his response ‘yeah, I just don’t want some big guy chasing me cause he saw me getting into your car’… I laughed it off, but didn’t explicitly say that there wasn’t a big guy (as in a bf) in the picture, but I thought we were already past that… first we drove to the gas station then to the mall so he could get something to eat… and he was super polite… asking if I wanted something to eat, and if I sure and so on and so on… we got to talking about a bunch of things… found out some interesting things about him… he’s parents are still in Africa(he’s from Kenya and has the most beautiful dark skin I’ve ever laid my eyes on) and he hadn’t seen then in years and he was saying he was here by himself and then I asked you don’t have any family here and he replied, no I’m the only one here (that was his chance to inform me if he had a wife and kids… but nothing)… btw, no ring on his hand, I saw a clear view of his hand while we were at the mall (but you know that doesn’t mean he’s still available)… anyways, we chatted the entire time, it was really cool… seems like a caring person just from his behavior and the things he was saying…

Anyways, we got back to the gym and I started working out… Now, the gym I go to is 3 floors, and IN’s desk is situated on the main floor where he can see the entire main floor cause one of his walls in a window and his door opens up to the area where people do ab workout… IN never really leaves his offices too much or the front area, he doesn’t walk around the gym really or anything, so imagine my surprise when I was upstairs working on that elliptical machine when I looked up and saw IN walking towards me… he said he wanted to check on me to make sure I was doing good… and that was it, it was so cute… then he went back downstairs to his office… unfortunately by the time I got to working on my abs, he had some clients in his office and couldn’t come and talk to me as usual… but I spent most of my workout glancing at him and every time I looked up, he was there to catch my eye… and give me that gorgeous smile of his… we didn’t get to talk before I had to leave cause he was with some new clients and he couldn’t really leave them cause he was trying to get them to join and didn’t wanna lose a membership sale…

Now, when we were in the car alone or in the mall was the perfect opportunity for him to ask for my number, but he seemed rather shy for some reason… or maybe its cause he’s unavailable… who know, but I’m going to the gym later on today J… hopefully he’ll be there…

Have a great weekend… 12 miles to run on Saturday… then chilling for the rest of the weekend… gonna try to stay out of trouble, but no guarantees…

Naija for Christmas...

I know it’s a little early to be thinking about Christmas, unless you’re one of the luck few going away for Christmas, but all my friends are talking about the events going on in Nigeria this Christmas and which parties they’re gonna attend and so on and so on… Naija (Nigeria for short) for Christmas would be so sweet… believe it or not, last year (2005) was the first time I spend Christmas in Nigeria (at least as an adult)…. I usually visit during off seasons and summer time, but never had I gone to Naija for Christmas in my adult life til last year… and it was better than I could ever imagine, it was better than all the stories that I’d hear or the pictures I’ve seen… it definitely affirmed my feelings that I definitely want to move back to Nigeria.

Anyways, last year my trip to Nigeria was 4 weeks full of partying, meeting/visiting cousins, meeting all the Lagos guys (and all different types of guys), go out to clubs, doing it all… it was the best Christmas or vacation that I had taken in a long time… life was good, waited on hand & foot, shopping, going out to parties, visiting people, meeting some new friends and getting re-acquainted with old friends and cousins and family members… I honestly couldn’t have asked for a better time. I never really understood what all the hype about Christmas in Naija was about until I actually experienced it myself… what made it even better was that a lot of my friends from the states were there as well, including my best friend… and my ex, L, from London was in Naija as well… my sister and I had our own car and driver, courtesy of my aunt and uncle (who we stayed with for the vacation, since my entire immediate family lives here in the states)… my brother had his own driver and car (plus his boys were doing big things in Lagos, so they took care of him), and my mom had her own driver and car (so she pretty much left me and siblings to do as we pleased)… every day was so much fun and every evening we were scheming as to where to meet up with our friends and what clubs were hot for the night and so on… the clubs played the best reggae I’ve ever heard (and I love me some reggae and I can wine with the best of them)…
I mean, the whole experience was an eye opener for me… made me appreciate my culture so much more… every night was an adventure and I would so love to go back this Christmas… but I can’t, I got too much on my plate to go this Christmas, but I’m planning on going in March for my cousin’s wedding and then again next Christmas (2007)…

Don't get me wrong, i did miss my usually Christmas in the states, i did miss all of my family traditions cause half the fam was in the states and half was in Nigeria... and i'm definitely glad we'll all be together this year for christmas (except for my older brother who is going to Nigeria (and yes I am jealous I can't go again this year, but there's always next year))...

I eventually wanna move back (and needless to say, most people think I’m absolutely crazy for wanting that since I’ve spent most of my life in the states)… Nigeria is part of who I am… and there is so much potential in that country, they just need a few focused, honest and motivated young people to direct it in the right path…
(and yes I do realize visiting Nigeria during Christmas time isn't a fair representation of what Nigeria is like throughout the year and it doesn't means that I will enjoy living there on a more permanent basis… I am very well aware of that and prepared to make the necessary sacrifices when the time comes (but fortunate for me, the sacrifices won't be too many :-))… I always manage to mention that to a guy when I’m dating him just to ensure that he’s aware of my future intentions…. like my ex, L, he even started looking for jobs in Naija… but that ended when we ended… ) anyways, I’m not saying I’m moving there today or tomorrow or even next week… but when I’m good and ready, I’ll be making the trek back to the motherland for good :-)… can’t wait!

my college crush...

first, let me say I am NOT boycrazy... anyways on with the story...


Ok, so you know how there’s that guy that you are friends with and you’ve had a crush on forever… well I have one of those… there’s this guy from college, SO, met him my freshman year back in 2000 in college… Quick background: we were always friends in college and always spoke, and we always had that connection cause we were both Nigerian… but in college he was very focused on education and very religious. He was the perfect guy in every girls mind at my school. We all use to just wonder what was up with him… I mean, he was smart, focused, handsome, well dressed, polite… he was the perfect guy, and thru out college he didn’t date a single girl just cause of his religious beliefs and so on… so anyways, after school ended he stayed in the area of where we went to school and I promptly moved back to Bmore… and we’d talk occasionally and would run into each other at homecoming and other events… anyways, last December he moved to DC… this was the opportunity. And he had matured a lot since our college years, he was still religious but more experimental, like he went out to clubs, parties, drank and all… it was nice to see a different side of him. And even though he lives just up the street in DC, we don’t hang out too often cause of schedules, but we talk fairly often and do get a chance to get together every once in a while…

Anyways, so when I had my party in the beginning of September, a lot of things came out… Needless to say my party was a blast and I drank way more than I should have, but that’s a story for another day… anyways, the party was cool, SO bought me my first drink at the party (it was at a club in DC)… anyways, a few days after the party as I was going thru pictures of the party, I began to notice a pattern… there are A LOT of picture of me and SO, dancing, hugging, holding hand and so on (SO had a good amount to drink that nite as well, but he was not drunk)… at first I thought maybe its just my pictures that are like that, but as I began to check out my friends’ cameras and pictures, it was a reoccurring theme in everyone’s picture, me and SO, we pretty much together the entire night… and then of course people began uploading pictures on to Facebook and tagging me… that’s when I realized how bad it was, there a bunch of pictures from some many people tagging me and him in pictures and then of course, the comments started coming in… are you guys dating or you guys look good together and so on and so on.. I promptly removed most of the tags of me and SO on facebook… now it wouldn’t be a big deal cause SO isn’t on facebook, but when one of our friends from college calls him to ask SO if he and I were dating, imagine me turning bright red… anyways, a couple of weeks ago me and my girl AB had an happy hour, and SO came thru… and towards the end of the happy hour as we were getting ready to leave and it was just me and SO talking, he all of a sudden asks, so where’s your boyfriend… WHAT??? That’s a topic me and him have NEVER talked about… and in return, I asked where’s his gf… he claims he doesn’t have one… we actually talked about it for a few minutes before our convo was interrupted… then yesterday I went to my friend’s housewarming party, which happened to be about 5 blocks from his place, so I called him to see if he was coming, and I told him I was only staying for an hour cause I had to get back to Bmore to get some stuff done and that’s we talk later… approximately an hour after our convo he calls me back saying oh, I’m not gonna make it to the housewarming before you leave, wanna stop by my place for a few minutes… so I headed over and hung out with him for a few minutes, met his cousin (his cousin is really cool…)… we talked for a bit… then I headed out and SO is like oh, let me walk you to your car, I wanna see this new car of yours and so on… there’s always that tension, its not really an awkward tension or anything like that, its more like we both are aware of the situation, but never really do anything about it

Truth is, I still kinda like SO, but I dunno if its because I feel like he’s unattainable or is it because he seems so perfect from the outside… would I really date him, if given the opportunity… probably, just to see what could happen…
It was cool to see him yesterday though (it was the highlight of the weekend), I always enjoy my time with him… Every time I hang out with SO on a one on one basis, all this just always pops into my mind….

Hmmm…. Going to the gym this afternoon :-)….

my gym guy...

Its just been a looonnnggg week for me… no reason in particular, it just has been… I’ve stepped up my working out… I usually work out 6 days a week to train for the marathon I’m preparing for, but this week I was more focused, my workouts were longer, more dedicated, more focused and more exhausting. The cute guy that works at the gym came out to me yesterday during my work out to be like “wow, you’ve been really working hard lately”… in mind I was think, so you’ve been watching me then, score! Ok, so here’s the deal, there is this FINE man that works at my gym, let’s call him IN, … he’s is tall, dark and oh so handsome… he actually is enough motivation for me to go to gym… he always comes and talked to me during my workouts (not a one minute chat, but a 5/10 min chat) and he just always so nice… he’s older than I expected (he’s 34) which usually would bother me, but for some reason it doesn’t bother me at all (but then again he doesn’t look a day over 26/27 yrs old)… anyways, we got to talking about a bunch of different things on various occasions.. and he’s asked in 2 or 3 ways about whether or not I had a boyfriend… which I kinda always brush off, but always tried to sorta let him know that I didn’t have one… but then I couldn’t decide if he was married or not… I once noticed a ring on his left hand, but I don’t know if it was on his ring finger… and now every time I try to look, his hands are casually in his pockets… but he definitely flirts with me… and like I said he is eye candy… hmmm… I actually know more about him than I do my own trainer (who works at the same gym and I do spend a fairly good amount of time with my trainer)… One time he even said ‘I don’t understand how we have such beautiful and success single women in this world’... yeah, I was blushing, but I tried to play it off… I dunno, but I do have to admit that I like the attention from him… you know, that fact we catch each other’s eyes at the most random moments, and he gives me that winning smile (even when he’s with a client) or just the fact that he keeps up on my progress and also asks how things are going and so on…
one of these days, when I go to the gym early and its not crowded and we’re having one of our casual convos, I’m probably bring it up or just ask him… especially since he’s asked me or inferred about where or not I had a boyfriend like 3 separate time… but then again I don’t wanna seem to forward! Wish I could go to the gym today… but I can’t, a sister is getting her hair braided this afternoon… YES!!! Can’t wait to get my hair done and be looking all fresh… its gonna be a good weekend!

happy Friday everyone!

my weekend...

What seemed like what would have been another chill and relax (code for dull) evening at home turned out to be quite interesting… was talking to my friend, AO, online… asking why he was still at work at 7:30pm on a Friday evening (he works a 9 to 5 job)… anyways, after a few minutes of talking, he said he’d call me later… I didn’t think much of it… it was just a way to end the convo… til he called me like an hour later, talking about let’s hang out… now, me and AO, use to hang out/talk /date for a few weeks back in the spring, but we haven’t really hung out in a while and we don’t really talk that often… anyways, with my sprained ankle I wobbled myself up and got dressed to go over and watch a movie with… it was cool, although I didn’t intend on staying long, I ended up spending the night at his place just cause I had to be in DC really early in the morning and he lived closer to DC than I did (he live 15 minutes away from DC, where as I liked 50 minutes away from DC, so you see it made perfect sense)… and No nothing happened, which was cool with me… it was nice just to be able to hang out with him and know he wasn’t expecting anything to happen… we talked about a bunch of things… watched a movie… fell asleep… it was really nice actually… anyways, I always wondered what could have been with AO… but due to circumstances that happened earlier this year (read these earlier posts... both are about AO... post 1 & post 2 ), I doubt that things will ever really progress past friendship with AO… which on one hand is cool, cause he’s such a great guy, really sweet, the perfect gentleman, the perfect friend to lean on… but that’s also what would make him a great bf… doesn’t matter now though, cause we’re in the friend zone… hmmm, if only….

The rest of the weekend was cool… relaxing… One of my friends, JB, actually, he use to be my best friend (maybe still is) really proved himself to me this weekend… I had kinda started to lost some faith in him, cause his attitude at times was not best and then we weren’t hanging out as much and things were just different between us… but he, JB, proved to me this weekend that he does value me as a friend and supports me in the things that I do… made me really appreciate him & our friendship… spent all of Sunday at his house and I realized how much I missed him and just our time together and our conversation and everything between us… it was cool…

PS… I did manage to run the 10 miles on Saturday, even with my ankle hurting… but its almost back to a 100% now… so I’m back on track…

its friday... good guy/bad guy???

Its finally friday, which would usually put a smile on my face :-)... but when i got out of bed this morning, my ankle was hurting.... now that wouldn't be a big deal except that I'm training for a marathon and I have to run 10 miles tomorrow (saturday) morning.... hmmmm.... and i know i should take it easy, but i have to run tomorrow... gotta ice up my ankle for the rest of the evening if i want a chance to even be able to run tomorrow...

anyways, on to more interesting things... last weekend while at work, there was a CD playing at work and this guy asked if i could make him a copy, asked me to jot down my number so he could call bout the CD... no biggie in my mind... since we were busy, I wrote my number down, passed him the piece of paper and went back to work... and as he walked out he menioned something like he once had my phone number. I was like, ok... but was too busy to engage in convo with him...
then he calls me yesterday evening... and I kinda was just a bit thrown off... and to tell u the truth, i don't even know his name... I tried to ask, but can't really hear him whenever he says his name.... he's a regular at the place where i work, or at least i've seen him before and thought he was aiight looking and was kinda interested, but never really thought much more past that... and now he's all talking bout when am i gonna make time to hang out with him... hmmm, can we have a few convo's before I decide if i even want to hang out with you... guess we'll see where this goes... sad thing is that i'm not very excited... i don't know if it just cause i'm in a really chill mode in life at the moment or what...
I'm trying to keep my options and mind open about this situation... only time will tell...

looking forward to a nice and relax weekend... gotta get some studying done for the GMAT and work on some applications for B School...


On a completely different note... I was talking with my friend, YA, earlier this week... and we were having a heart to heart about a bunch of things... YA and I use to hang out and chill, but we never really developed into any much just cause he had a lot going on and so did I... and he started tripping (which he later apologized for) and i didn't have the patience to deal with it... anyways, we eventually became friends and now we talk fairly often... anyways, he was talking about his gf, and how hard it is for him not to cheat on her... especially since she's away at school over an hour away... they had the convo, where she said that he could pretty much do anything he wanted, just as long as she didn't know about it and he didn't disrespect her... so basically she gave him the pass to pretty much cheat on her as long he keeps it under wraps... I was like WHAT... well, ok, I do kinda understand where she may be coming from, but she's just so young and naive (she's 3 years younger than me & YA)... I honestly couldn't do it... I couldn't be dating a man, if he wasn't all about me and only me... and even though he has this pass from his gf to do whatever he wants, he says he's trying to be a good boy and not do anything, that he doesn't want her to settle... which would definitely make him the good guy... I just don't understand why a girl would allow a guy to cheat on you, much less tell him its ok as long as she doesn't find out about it...
Now YA would have been the good guy, except when I texted him later that same night, he replied and the first half of the text made no sense at all, it was a little suspicious... then he texted me again say oh, that i shouldn't pay attention to the first half of the last text he sent me earlier, that he sent the wrong text... its interesting cause the text he told me disregard was a text about meeting up with someone and hanging out (and No, not the hanging out with your boys type of text, the type of text that you send to a girl...)... anyways, that just left me wondering if all that BS he said about how he was trying to stay focused and not cheat was all a bunch of BS and that he was still doing whatever it was he wanted to do, but just keeping it under wraps... i honestly don't know, but i do hope that he's not cheating... cause what goes around comes around... so for his sake and even more for his girlfriend's sake I hope he's not cheating on her...

busy week...

Life's been so busy lately... been crazy busy with all my community/volunteering activities, trying to study for the GMAT, starting applications for B School and then been on business travel for the last 3 days... went to San diego for work for a few days... I totally understand why people live there... the weather was great, the view was beautiful, the life style was extravagant to say at the least... I could totally see myself moving there... got back on a red-eye flight last night and back at work this morning... should have taken the day off, but I have all theses deadlines and meeting later on today... and i of course had to catch up on emails... anyways, nothing new here... once i get myself up and running again and catch up on email, i'll be back to write more... later...

the sign

You know how when you're trying to make a tough decision and you really need a sign or something to tell you you're going in the right direction... well I feel like I got that sign... that maybe going to London for school next year is the right thing for me, alot of things that i was worried about fell right into place (which doesn't happen to me often) and I've been beaming all day with the confidence that I recieved the sign that i asked/prayed for... now i just have to make sure I'm get everything straigthen out and done if i do plan to do that next year... i'm going make it an option available to myself... I may not go, but i'd rather have options to choose from when the time comes rather than feeling stuck and not having any options to choose from later.... all I have to do is tackle the GMAT, after that its smooth sailing...

Truth or Dare

Truth from epsilonicus : If there was one more thing you could say to TO or L, what would it be??

to TO... you had the potential to be a great partner in a relationship, you would be any and everything that a woman would appreciate in relationship but you choose not to follow that potential and instead to became a screw-up... No i don't hate you, hating you would mean that I'm still invested in you... I've come to a point of indifference when it comes to you, you're not worth the time it takes to hate someone... Hate is not the opposite of love, the opposite of Love is indifference-- the point of not caring one way or the other about the individual...
(TO really thinks I hate him or at least he use to til recently... not we're associates, but i never got to tell him the statement above... )

to L... u underestimate me... u always have in one way or the other... no i'm not considering coming to London simply because of you (it may have crossed my mind, but it is not a significant or sufficient reason for me to move) if i came it would be for my own enrichment, yes i speak better yoruba than you think... no, my world didn't end forever once we broke, i'm stronger than u think... yes i'm capable of loving someone with my whole entire heart... yes i am nicer than you give me credit for... yes, I am more patient and understanding than u assume (but u never give me an oppurtunity to be patient with u until recently, u usually just get mad at me for no reason and stop talking to me for a while)... yes, you r older than me, but that doesn't mean u should put me down or make me feel like my feelings don't matter (you didn't do it often, but it did happen)... yes I am very sensitive regardless of how 'tough' I may appear, yes I'm not a neat freak, but I am organized & efficient, yes i go out alot (at least I use to) but I know when to put a limit on it, yes i bite my tougue around since we've been broken up because there somethings i just can't say to you, and yes, despite all of these things, I still love you (as a person/friend) because you are a great person overall.

Dedicated to the first real loves of my life…

its kinda of a long post... but it explains how i got to position of where i am with relationships/guy now... here goes...

Part I: OF... it was puppy love

Dedicated to the first real loves of my life…

Have you ever been so intoxicated with someone, I mean everything about them made you smile… even the stupidest things… well, that’s how I felt about first love… I was the tender age of 20 years old, sometime in the beginning of my junior year in college… I came home from school for the weekend when I ran into him, TO… the moment he smiled at me, it was all over, it was like I fell in love with him at that moment… we became friends very quickly and we talked all the time on the phone… when I was away at school… he was the first person I thought of and talked to in the morning and before I went to bed… I wake up to my alarm clock excited cause as soon as I turned the alarm clock off, I knew I was gonna dial my baby’s number to talk him (if he hadn’t already called me)… it was a feel so mutual between us that when people saw us together, they didn’t need to ask if we were together, it was written in very motion, word and everything we did… it was hard doing a long distance relationship, but I came home often enough to visit him and I changed my summer plans and come home for the summer and got myself an apartment on campus so that we could have all the privacy in the world… the summer before my senior year I came home and took summer classes a college in my hometown, got an apartment on campus so I would be able to spend time with my man… he practically lived there… he had the freedom to come and go and he pleased into my apartment/room… I met his mother that summer, we got along fabulously… everything was just right… he loved and cared about me simply the way I was (even though I was a little chubby those days) he accepted me as I was and I loved him for it.. I thought that I had found the man of my dreams… he thought me so many things about what I wanted in a partner and a lover… he taught me to how to appreciate myself more and for all those reasons, he will always have a place in my heart and I’ll will never forget him… he also taught me the lesson that all good things must come to an end… that summer ended with him cheating on my with his ‘plan B’ girl as he called it… said he didn’t want to get hurt with being in a long distance relationship so when he met this random girl that summer, he made her his plan B, incase things didn’t work out with us… that shit never made any sense to me and it still doesn’t… but because he was not only my man, but also my best friend, I forgave him… (well, I forgave him after he stalked me for like 3 weeks)… and I left and went back to school early with no goodbye… I just needed my space… we eventually because associates/friends again… but he managed to ruin that to, but corning me one day at party and saying all these things that were inappropriate at the least and then he did some other things that I didn’t agree with… so I decided I had to give him up… stopped talking to him completely towards the end of the summer after I graduated… I was all geared up for grad school and I didn’t need any distractions especially not from TO… shortly after I stopped talk to TO, I met L (the ex, that I talk about on this blog all the time)… he came into my life so unexpectedly, but with such perfect timing…


Part II: the story of L

Just when I had giving up on all hope for love… here come L to save the day… L turned my entire life upside down (in a good way)… he made me realized that I never knew what love was until I met him… I guess I had matured in the year and a half since TO and I had stopped dating, because the way I felt for L was incomparable to anything else I’d ever felt… the thought of him was enough to make me smile for hours… we became friends very quickly and soon after started dating (even though he stayed in London… and I was here in the states)… L was everything I wanted in a boyfriend, best friend and companion… we complimented each other’s personality… about 2 months after meeting L, I made my first trip to London to go visit him… the trip was amazing… in every aspect… now he was someone that I thought I would grow old with, but things didn’t happened way… L took such really good care of me, it felt so natural to fall asleep in his arms every night and wake up next to him in the morning, I felt like I had found my place on earth… the place I was meant to be… we had out little arguments and disagreements, but overall the trip was a great one… The relationship would transformed me in a way that I never imagined… when I left London after that trip, I knew in my heart of hearts that something was up… that something during the trip had changed our relationship… I still can’t pinpoint what it was exactly but future events later lead me to see that our relationship was not going to make it… I was so angry with him when we broke up that February… I had so much to say to him that I couldn’t but eventually did… by the time we broke up I was so unhappy, frustrated and angry… I know he had a lot of things going on which contributed to our break up, but I don’t think he had a clue of what was going on with me between December until we broke up in February, there was so much going on with me with school, work, my family and he just wasn’t there for me… I honestly did try to be there for him during his issues and didn’t want to add any stress to him by letting him know that I had a bunch of stuff that was going on with me as well, but it was a lot for me to bare by myself… his issues, my issues, the stuff my family was going thru, keeping it all to myself because I couldn’t share any of it with the one person that I needed the most at that time, and trying to deal with our deteriorating relationship and keep it together… I never really told him all the stuff that I was going thru even after we broke, there was no point…he broke up with me the day before Valentine’s Day… who does that!?! He even asked me if I thought he was doing the right thing by breaking up with me… WHAT??? how could he ask that… if one person wants to break up, then that it… anyways, we broke up… didn’t really speak for a while, but a few months down the line we started talking again… and here we are now… After L and I broke up, a lot of things changed about me… my approach to a lot of things definitely changed… I definitely learned a lot from this experience… it thought me a lot about what I want in a partner and what I don’t want… what I can deal with and how to approach issues that bother me… and fortunate for me, it didn’t rob me of all my hope for love, it actually encouraged me… L cared about me in a way that I didn’t know was possible, it was so unconditional (at the time) and I was able to care for him in the same manner and it gave me hope that Love is possible, now I just have to find the right person… I’m more patient with people than I used to be in some sense, but I’m also more strict in the sense that if I see something that I don’t like or can deal with, I either try to resolve it right away or I just leave the situation alone all together, no point getting caught up in a situation when I know its not gonna work for me… While TO was definitely the first person I fell in love with, L was definitely my first adult relationship where I was truly able to express my love for him whole heartedly…

what's next for me...

its monday and another weekend has gone by... right now i'm in a state of confusion... i been contemplating the idea of going to do a one year MBA program in London… I’m not quite sure how the idea got planted in my head or when I actually first considered it, but now its on my mind all the time and I’m definitely giving it some serious consideration… I’ve mentioned it to a few significant individuals in my life to get their take on it… my dad say whatever I want to do, he’ll support but I just have to be mindful of the future (in other terms, when am I getting married)… my sister thinks it’ll do a lot of good for me and that i can still do it cause I’m definitely young enough to do it and i still have time… my ex,L (who lives in London) things it’ll be a good idea if I’m coming for education and to enrich myself as an individual (in other words, he wants to make sure that I’m not coming for his sake, to be with him or to explore the option of him & I getting back together… I guess that’s understandable)…. And the one person I haven’t talked to yet, it my oldest brother, he has a lot on his plate at the moment so I don’t want to stress him anymore than he already is, but his opinion is so important… I’ll have to find a moment to ask him what he thinks… beside all of the opinions and so on, I think it would be good for me for some many reasons, I can move on to the next stage of life, pursing a mba is definitely something I’ve wanted to do for a while, living in London would be a great experience (so much culture, fashion and etc)… and London may give me the opportunity to meet the man of my dreams, it would take me away from all the semi-relationships that I get involved in, and all the usually people that are around here in MD… I’d hopefully be able to meet someone and not worry about who his last girl was and so on and all the drama that comes with a small Naija population… the negatives… I’d miss a year out of the lives of my nephew and niece and my entire family and that would be so hard for me… I know what its like to be away, when I went away to another state for undergrad, I felt like I missed out on so much with my family, but I also felt like it was the best decision I every made to go to an out of state school, I really learned a lot about myself and who I wanted to be… and I’d never exchange that experience for anything… and it made me appreciate my family much more when I did move back home after undergrad…

but then again I think, maybe moving to London is not the solution, maybe its just be running from whatever it is here that I don’t like… I just don’t know… but for now, I’m gonna proceed with caution… gonna weight all my options, look at all the advantages & disadvantages of going to school abroad or just living my day to day life here… decisions, decisions, decisions…

hi5...

so i'm on this online community called hi5... and people send u messages and so on... i'm not big on responding to strangers especially to individuals who don''t have apicture of themselves up on their site... and of course you get the random messages from random people... some guy starts sending me messages that i ignore at first, but he kept sending messages so i just replied and asked who he was since he didn't have a picture... anyways, he eventually stopped sending me messages.... then i got a message this evening, say i looked nice in the outfit that i work to a wedding I went to yesterday... it was just a little creepy... why didn't the person just come say something to me at the wedding... it was just weird to have someone sending me a message like that... makes me want to avoid using hi5...
but i did run into some rather cute guys at the wedding reception... looking all nice in their native and all, i like seeing guys in their native... i would have taken the time to meet some of them but i was dead tired after a long day of running/working out and then going to work and so on...

giving up...

So i've come to the realization that GC is just out of his ever lasting mind & that i'm done with him, at least for now... he's tripping and i'm not one to take all this BS from a guy no matter how much I may like you... sometimes it just not worth the trouble... the issue with me is that i hate burning bridges, I'm actually more concerned about trying to save what little of a friendship we had left and not about being together or trying to be in a relationship with him... we has such a great friendship (at least i thought we did) and that's why i was being so persistant in trying to still be his friend... but at some point, I just give up... i can only do or try but so much... and I think i've reached my limit with GC... i have one more things i need to do over this weekend before i completely write GC off... I don't like writing people off, but i can't go around chasing people, its just not my style...

finally the weekend is here :-)... it was a crazy crazy week at work... barely got a chance to sit down and do anything... had crazy long meetings that lasted 9+ hours each day for four days... that's not a freaking meeting... it more like detention!
Gonna chill this weekend... go work out some. go running... nothing too excited plan, but you never know theses days...

him... part 2

Back to him…. GC… the guy from my last post… well, I felt that I needed to write about him to get him off my mind and outta my head… writing about it doesn’t change how I feel about him or the situation, but it does make me a feel a whole hell of a lot better about things… writing things tends to do that for me… anyways on to the rest of the story… we stopped talking shortly after I saw him at the end of June, honestly I don’t why we stopped talking… but I felt like he was brushing me off and I wasn’t about to put myself out there so I stopped calling and he did the same… well we got back into contact in the middle of September… and I asked him why he stopped talking to me, and he simply turned it around and said he thought I had stopped talking to him and he not the type to stalk people and that he just took the hint (or at least what he thought was a hint from me)… ok, fine then… we’ve talked maybe once since then and that was like 3 weeks ago… and now every time I call or text him, he doesn’t even bother to respond… but every once in a while I’ll get a text from him saying ‘oh, I’m stressed’ or ‘my bad, been busy’… what am I suppose to take that as… I do understand if he’s busy, but is he really busy every time I call/text him… he says that’s not the way it is, well that the way it seems… I even made it easy for him, told him that all he had to do was text me to stop, and I’d never call or text him again, and he can’t even do that… anyways, its driving me crazy, but now I just have to put it out of my mind… that’s all I can do!


"After the storm after the rush after the heat of the moment has passed we can cool off and clean up the messes we’ve made" ~Meredith Grey thanks for the quote AI
It may be to harder to clean up the mess than you think… can we even clean up things after the little falling out me and GC had… maybe we can’t just go back to the way things were especially after not talking for over 3 months… maybe…

him...

There’s this guy I use to hang out with, GC… he pursued me, but he did it in such a classy and sophisticated way that I could not help but to fall for him, it also helped that I was very attracted to him as well… anyways, after a couple of months of running into each other, calls, exchanging emails, we finally decided to hang out… and that’s when it all started… after that we started hanging out pretty regularly and we talked on phone often as well… before I knew it he was the only male I was concerned about… yeah I still have other things on my mind and issues to deal with… but being with him and spending time with him was always the best part of my week… it wasn’t that I was just physically attracted to him, but I was attracted to him in every way possible… he was intelligent, well spoke, driven… he had the entire package… and when we started hanging out, neither one of us were looking for a relationship (me cause I was still trying to get over my ex and him cause he was enjoying his youth… so it seemed like a perfect match for the both us!) We use to talk about any and everything; we used to talk for hours about anything… About 3 months into hanging out with him, I realized that I really liked him… I mean really, really liked him, I mean I was willing to give up every other guy I was interested in or talking to… but in the back of my mind I knew that he wasn’t looking for a relationship ( I mean I guess his feeling could have changed within the last couple of months like mines did), but I didn’t want to ruin a good things… so slowly I started to pull away, stop hanging out with him as much, not talking to him as much on the phone and so on, blamed it on school saying that my last semester is difficult and stressful (which it was)cause I had to finish my capstone project to get my masters degree… he took the hint well, but we still stayed in touch, talked every once in a while and to be truthful I really did still like him… a few months went by of not really seeing each other (just talking on t he phone and stuff cause he liked like 45 minutes away)… then on memorial day weekend I ran into him a mutual friend’s cookout… damn it, he looked as good as I remembered and I realized just how much I missed him… everything about him, from his jokes, to his smile, the simple way he used to hold me and just wanted to talk about any and every thing, the way he would always say don’t leave yet, and everything about him… anyways, it was really good to see him, and I assumed that he felt the same way… we chilled together while at the cookout catching up and stuff… but shortly after we both left there, he was calling me and there I was so happy to see he wanted to see me and hang out just as much as I wanted to… even after seeing him at the cookout I just didn’t know what to do, so I still kept my distance from him, but we talked more often and he was joke about how I abandoned him and how he would joke that I was the ying to his yang, it was the cutest thing ever… two weeks later, I went on vacation to the UK for 2 weeks, not being able to talk to him drove me crazy…. Absolutely crazy… so I texted him while on vacation and told him how much I miss him and we decided to hang out once I got back into the states… I called him the day I got back from vacation and we talked, he asked me to come over but I was too tired… the next day after work, I went to go see him… I guess I didn’t realize how much I had missed him, I just couldn’t stop smile when I saw him… it just felt so natural to be with him… it was so great just being in his presences and before I left, he was like when do I get to you again, and my reply was whenever you want to... and I meant that… well, that was the last time I’ve seen him… and that was the last week of June… and here we are in October… to say I miss him would be an understatement…

You know the issue with having an anonymous blog, is that its anonymous, but that's also the great thing about it... I made the mistake of mentioning to my ex, L, that i had a blog and now he wants to read it.... by all means, i wouldn't have an issue with that except for some of the posts are about him or have mentioned him in then... but then again, i think most of the stuff is stuff that he already knows... except for maybe he doesn't realize how sensitive i am or can be when it come to him in general... oh, i wish i had kept my mouth shut...

as I was talking to one of my co-workers, i realized what today was... is the 25th of September (it was two years ago, on this date that i met my ex, L ...) its weird that i still remember, but i'm a dates/numbers type of person... anyways, that's not really an excuse, but it was just something that popped into my head...

today is one of those days at work where u feel like doing absolutely nothing and hope that the next time you look up it'll be time to go home... i'm going to go and look like i'm busy...

Its Friday!

Its finally friday... now usually on a friday i leave work early... head straight to the mall to go find a new outfit to wear out tonight... go home for a few minutes... then head out to a happy hour with my girls, then jump from bar to bar or party... oh, how i miss those days (granted all that just stopped 2 weeks ago... but whatever)... that was a typical friday for me... you could always bet on me and my two girls, AB & NN, to go out on friday nite, party all night then pass out in the weee early hours of the morning... but now i'm looking forward to a nice long workout at the gym, a little running (bout a mile or two)... then go home cook dinner, relax... maybe a little tv, then off to bed cuz i gotta be up early for my running in the morning... now, y the drastic change in life style, well first of all i've partied enough for a while i needed a break and secondly i'm preparing for a marathon (26.2 Miles) that's in January and i want to make sure that i com both physically and emotionally ready for this hugh change... and honestly I don't mind the change in weekend events cause now i'm more rested and i feel better in general... and it helps on cutting out the drinkin and all that great stuff... AB & NN are running in this marathon as well, so they're not going to be partying or going out quite as much either... I may go out on saturday evening though, it my cousin's birthday (you know how in Nigeria everyone is your cousin/aunt/uncle...) so i may go out with them (still on my 2 drink limit) even though i'm not on the best terms with this cousin... she over stepped her position and i quickly had to let herknow i didn't appreciate it... but that's a story for another day...

anyways, I spent most of the morning talking to my ex thru email... he lives in a different country... this is the same ex that i've written about in my early posts... anyways, my friends don't understand how i can be such good friends with him or any of my other exs... well for me, if the relationship didn't end badly (as in he was mis-treating me) then i don't see a reason for not being friends... granted i am friends with the ex that cheated on me, but it took me a long time to become friends with him and it took a big part of me to forgive him... anyways, i enjoy talking to the ex that over seas... sometimes i'm reminded of exactly why i fell in love with him and then of course there are time when i think what the hell did i ever see in him... but lucky for him the pros always outway the cons... and there is one thing about him that makes him different from the rest of my exs, he's the guy i thought i would marry and have his children, but apparently that wasn't meant to be... maybe its still possible, but who knows, i can't wait around and see i have to keep living my life and just take it one day at a time...

I got a re-newed energy to writing in my blog again... after reading some other people's blogs and realizing that my life is much life others...

So i went out last nite with girls (you'll hear about them alot, these are my main two girls, and we have other girls that come along occasionally... anyways, AB & NN... me and AB tend to see more eye to eye on things, and NN is a fairly new addition to the group, but she adds some a new dimension to the our crew of friends... and of course i'm the only Naija babe in the group... but we're all from foreigners or from the islands)...
anyways, we just went to a happy hour and dinner yestersday... yea, i know that from my last post i said i was decreasing the amount of drinking that i do (yeah, i am... I'm on a limit of 2 drinks per day (ALL DAY, No exceptions)...) so as my girls were drinking away, i gently stopped after my second drink and chilled with water for the rest of the evening, which wasn't so bad... anyways, we left the happy hour spot, ate dinner and on our way back to da car, we stopped in at this other happy hour nite spot... the promotor was being over zealous, so we decided to step in for a few minutes just to check it out... the place was nice actually, wasn't alot of people there yet but it was still cool... now the promotor, S, should have been smart and offered to buy a drinks (where i would have ordered a cup of water ;-))... but being that he was a Naija guy, he of course was being cheat and didn't do such... now, let's get it straight, my girls and I are young professionals, we go out alot, we spend money... we make decent to good money, we don't need a guy to buy us drinks or anything like that, but the offer would have been nice... anyways, of course he starts talking to me in yoruba.... hmmm, ok... so anyways, he's like where's your boyfriend... well i don't particularly have one at the moment... Oh, so when can i take you to dinner... how bout you start with a conversation and we'll see where that goes... blah blah blah... we exchanged numbers.. turns out S is 33... yeah, that's 9 years older than me, that's an issue for me... especially if being a promotor is your main gig (which i hope its not, everyone needs a side hussle, but promoting can't be your main gig, at least not at that age...) and I did take notice that he didn't offer to get me and my friends drinks which is just a prelude of his charactor/behavior (offering would have been the polite thing to do and you gotta notice the small things early on, cause they are clues to what an individual is really like once the representative is gone) and I must admit, i thin 33 is a bit old for me... but i guess we'll see what happens...

I've had my fair share of expereinces with the naija guys in da Bmore/DC area... needless to say, i haven't been overly impressed with my experiences... actually thought of moving out of MD for a bit to get away from the small Nigerian circle here...

After all the craziness of my party weekend… and now that I’m all grown and all that… its time to move on to the next phase of my life… Now I’m training for a marathon… yes me… little old me is training to do a marathon and raising money for the marathon as well… the marathon is such a great achievement!!!
So apparently some of my friends think I drink too much sometimes (WHAT!!!) ok, I do admit that I can definitely throw it down with the best of them, but I don’t drink THAT much… anyways, one Friday evening one of my friends stopped by my job to pick up some food and we were talking and he just inferred that I’m not at my best when I drink and that people don’t say the nicest things about me when I drink… and I simply said to him, so what… am I suppose to go around worried about what a bunch of young minded think they know about me… truth is we’re all not on the page or path in life, so they can judge me… I’ve accomplished so much for my age, so what if I want to party hard now while I can… I didn’t do all the crazy stuff they did while in college, its that same crazy stuff they did that got them spending an extra semester or year(s) in college just to get their first degrees… these are the same people who are still working on their first degree while I’ve finished my second degree… please don’t misunderstand me ( I know everyone works on a different path and timeline), but how can they have the nerve to talk about me when they can’t get their shit together… I have a plan for my life, for my future and just cause I don’t go sharing it with them they think that I’m just drinking my life away… whatever man… I must admit, I do drink… actually I drink a lot, but not everyday… just once or twice (at the most) a week when I go out with my friends, why is it any of their concern anyways, I know they’re not in it for my well being, so they should just mind their own business…

anyways, this all bring me to a comedy show I was watching the other day where the comedian was saying that having haters mean that you’re obviously doing something with yourself… no one would hate on you if u didn’t have something they wanted, whether it be looks, money, success and so on… it made some sense to me… so for all those haters… please hate on, cause that just means I’m doing some right!

Interesting Weekend...

I celebrated my birthday this past weekend… had a huge party which was a real success… a lot of people came out to help me celebrate… from what I do remember, I had a blast and so did everyone around me… the next morning however was not so pleasant! I’m one of those drunk people that people can tell you’re a little tipsy, but never quite look or act drunk… so my friend kept buying me drinks (little did they know or realize how gone I was that night)…

I was talking to a guy, C, that I dated briefly last year… and his birthday is a couple of days after mines, and we just happen to get in touch again… I called him in the morning to say happy birthday and then he called me later that night… he was really down… told me how some girl he use to deal with a couple years back called him and told him the reason things ended with them was cause he was too arrogant… now I don’t think that C is that arrogant or at least I never noticed it… I mean we did stop talking cause there was something that he said to me one night over the phone that didn’t sit well with me, I don’t remember what it was… but I do remember him apologizing the next day… but for some reason I couldn’t get past it, so after that I was done… me and C actually think a lot alike, we have a lot in common and see things the same way… and yesterday he told me that he had wanted me to be his girlfriend until I disappeared on him… I thought that was really interesting, I honestly didn’t know what to say… I think what shocked me was that I just can imagine someone wanting ME to be their girlfriend… I mean its not such an outlandish idea, but it just threw me off that all…

I’ve been talking to my ex, which I’ll call ex- L (check out this post, it explains ex)... Ex-L and I have been talking quite a bit lately… his birthday is about a week and a half before mines… anyways, sometimes he says things that make me think that he wants or is considering the idea of me and him getting back together… I was reading some of the old emails (since we don’t write letters anymore) that me and ex-L use to send each other… some of those emails are so emotional and touching, I would have never guessed that things would have ended up the way they did… like we were head over heels in love with one another... he called me on my birthday, and he was just so sweet… it was almost the same guy that I feel in love with 2 years ago… as a matter of fact, what would have been out 2 year anniversary is coming up at the end of the September… I know that he’ll remember just like I remember… and we’ll do what we usually do… talk about the would of, could of and should ofs of our relationship… then we go back to acting like everything is normal… I sent ex-L the unedited pictures from my birthday party, and there were quite a few pictures of me chilling with guys, one guy in particular there were a bunch of picture of me and dancing and hugging and so on… I don’t think ex-L was very pleased with that…

Anyways, after talking to C for a while longer… he asked if we could get together , so me and C are gonna meet up for drink one sometime soon… but I hope he remembers my rule about never going back to date an ex or someone you’ve dated in the past…

things i learned this weekend...

So, this weekend was interesting… I got some rest and just chilled out… went to a party on Sunday night… where I saw a bunch of old friends and a few Exs (this area isn’t that big, luckily the 2 exs didn’t know each other)… Anyways, I was talking to my one ex, K… ex K and I stopped dating like 3 years ago, but we’re still friends and he was quite tipsy and I was a little intoxicated myself, but no where near tipsy… anyways, he spent most of the night flirting with me, which didn’t bother me much cause one we’re friends, two, I’m single and three, he knows that I wouldn’t really do anything with him anyways (but ex K did manage to get a kiss from me while we were on the dance floor, it was just a small peck, but he did it so unexpectedly I didn’t have much time to react, so I just played it off)… anyway, so later on towards the end of the evening, my more recent ex, G, showed up… G and I are also still cool… we stopped talking/dating earlier this year… anyways, apparently me and K were quite close and it was not very pleasing to my ex G, my female friend was watching the whole situation, and she was telling me that at one point when K and I were standing close to one another (ok, very close cause K, had his arm sorta wrapped around me and we were talking)… anyway, ex G, didn’t like it all and was looking pissed off and jealous and then he shook his head as in disbelief… now it would be one thing if we were still dating or hanging out, but me and ex G stopped talking like in April and we just only recently became associates/friends in like the last month or so… so I don’t understand why he would get pissed for me interacting with another guy…
Anyways, it doesn’t matter to me, but I just don’t understand… that whole thing about ex G looking pissed and acting jealous was so not his style, like he likes to believe that he’s super mature (which G is most of the time, but he’s still young and he should enjoy his youth instead of trying so hard to be older)… him showing an emotion of jealousy was just not him and it kinda threw me off… don’t get me wrong I definitely know the G cared about me when we were ‘dating’ and all and I’m sure he still cares about me and an individual and as a human being, but for him to be jealous or for him to even let that emotion show just was unexpected…

Another thing I learned this weekend… apparently I’m a huge flirt… now, its not the first time someone has told me this... and I’m sure it won’t be the last time… but I don’t do it intentionally most of the time… to me I’m just being friendly and nice… but apparently I’m a flirt (I’ve had a couple of ex-boyfriends tell me that as well as some friends)… but my friend that I went to the party with on Sunday told me that I was being very flirtatious with my ex K at the party, but I was just being friendly and just chilling…

I'm having a party soon... my ex G is invited, so are most of my other exs (cause I'm friends or associated with most of my exs) and my crush... its gonna be very interesting...

I remember this one time after me and this one guy broke up a few years ago and we were just talking and I asked him what bothered him about me and he said I was really flirtatious (that was the first time someone had every called me flirtatious)… and that it bothered him with I flirted with other guys while we were dating (the crazy thing to me was that I thought I had not been or overly friendly to other people because I kept in mind that I had a bf)… and I asked him why didn’t he tell me that while we dating instead of just letting it bother him… and he replied, ‘it also part of the reason I’m so attracted to you and that its so ingrained in your personality as a person and that sometime your friendliness can be seen as being flirtatious…’ anyways long story short, he liked me being flirtatious just not to other people… which is understandable…
Its rare that I have to try to be flirtatious with a guy, I’m usually just being the friendly person that I am…

I’m having a party… I’m having a party for my birthday in two weeks… it’s at a club, its gonna be hot and a lot of fun… I’m excited!!!

Nothing new to report… life’s been uneventful, but enjoyable…

But I there is one thing I don’t understand… So I was talking/texting to this guy for a while and I mentioned a party that was going on that evening and asked if he would be there… his response: probably not… so I went to my party, and who is the first person I see the minute I walk into the place… same dude that told me he probably wasn’t coming, then he says to me that I got him to come out here… I surely don’t have that much influence on anyone or I doubt that anyone wants to see me that badly… anyways, so you came cause I mentioned I would be here… cool… every time I walk by you, you have a cute comment to say or manage to touch me… also cool… but then you spent half the night not talking to me… and you didn’t even dance with me… and when it was time to go, you say it was my fault cause you couldn’t find me… yeah, I just disappeared right, or I was hiding from you…. Yeah, sure ok… then he says, we’ll just have to make it up at the party…

I’m completely lost… either you like me or you don’t… no need for all this extra B.S. I mean, I’ve given him enough to know that I am interested, but with him its just hard to tell… and well, I’m not gonna be the one to wait around to find out how he’s feeling… I just don’t understand why he can’t be straight with me!!! Anyways, that was Friday nite… the rest of the weekend was good… chilled out and relaxed….

My Break

I’m at a point where I’m not seeing/dating/talking to any guy,,, I kinda thought that I needed a break from guys and all the drama that comes with dating/talking to a guy…. I haven’t had a break for about two years… I just need to clear my head, decide what I want at this point in my life and just enjoy my life… I have some open ended interests (Open ended interests are guys that I know are interested in me, and we may talk every once in a while, but I’m not just not interested in taking things any further and that I’m just good as being friends or associates… )
There some advantages and of courser some disadvantages to my current position… the advantages being that I decided to take a break out of choice, I get a chance to re-focus on what I want, a get a chance to explore different or new interests that I may otherwise not have time for, I don’t feel obligated to consider someone else’s feelings when I decided to do something, I get time to hang out with my single friends and I just get to live a drama free life… the main disadvantage, sometimes feeling lonely, but that rarely happens cause I’m always around friends and having a good time….
Once I get my head on straight, I’ll be ready to start dating again, or if I find a guy that blows my mind and I feel like I can’t let him pass me by, can’t let good opportunities walk away from you!!!

Right now though, I’m just gonna enjoy where I am in life,,,

40 Questions?!?!

1. My sister once: hit our dads (parked) car from behind… it was soo hilarious, lucky for her she didn’t do any noticeable damage!
2. Never in my life: did I imagine myself as the corporate type doing a 9 to 5
3. When I was five: I ran away from home (ok, across the street to my friends house) but when my parents found me… I got the butt whooping of a life time
4. High School was: one of the greatest times of my life… being popular, class vice-president, and being an athlete made it a wonderful experience.
5. I will never forget: the day I walked in on my boyfriend (at the time) having sex with some random girl…
6. I once met: a guy that stole my heart and then broke it into a million pieces
7. There's this girl I know who: is so closed minded about things, that she restricts herself from enjoying life… she makes me glad that I have enough experience that I can enjoy life and not worry about the small things!
8. Once, at a bar: at Coyote Ugly in Las Vegas, me and my friends got on the bar and started dancing… it was great!!!
9. By noon, I'm usually: trying to stay awake at work... and counting down how many hours before I get to the bar/happy hour!!!
10. Last night: I had dinner and went bar hopping with one of my closest friends… then went to see a boy afterwards…
11. If I only had: lost the weight a little earlier in life…
12. Next time I go to church: I’ll try to get there on time
13. Terry Shiavo: Who???
14. What worries me most: that I won’t find a suitable man to marry and live happily ever after with.
15. When I turn my head left, I see: my cube mate (at work) pretending to do work…
16. When I turn my head right, I see: my alarm clock (at home) … and realize that time is passing me by while I’m here in bed…
17. You know I'm lying when: I start stumbling over my words
18. What I miss most about the eighties: was the carefree days… no responsibilities yet (I was a mere child in those days!)
19. If I was a character in Shakespeare, I'd be: Juliet…
20. By this time next year: I hope to be in a meaningful relationship or chilling in Jamaica (but preferably the first option, or both!).
21. A better name for me would be: Discombobulated…
22. I have a hard time understanding: why I am so forgiving sometimes, especially to the ex-boyfriends that screw me over!
23. If I ever go back to school I’ll: probably get my MBA… and party like I was 21 all over again!
24. You know I like you if: I invite you to go out with me and meet my other friends
25. If I ever won an award, the first person I'd thank would be: my friends and family
26. Darwin, Mozart, Slim Pickens & Geraldine Ferraro: had it right… it is the survival of the fittest that last, made great music that I can’t fully appreciate yet, I like lots of options...., dunno!?!?
27. Take my advice, never: pass up an opportunity to have a good times… you only live once!
28. My ideal breakfast is: sex in the morning… maybe followed by some food for staminaJ…29. A song I love, but do not own is: I’m every woman by Chaka Khan
30. If you visit my hometown, I suggest: going downtown… it’s a great view and the restaurants are great!
31. Tulips, character flaws, microchips & track stars: tulips are pretty… flaws can be annoying, do I eat those? and track stars have great legs!!!
32. Why won't people: just mind their own freaking business and leave me out of their mouth!
33. If you spend the night at my house: you’ll get breakfast in bed… NOT… but you will find that everyone in my household wakes up pretty damn early on the weekends… its actually kinda weird…
34. I'd stop my wedding for: No one… gotta get down the aisle before he (the groom) realizes what he’s getting himself into!
35. The world could do without: racists and republicans (but then again aren’t they synonymous)
36. I'd rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: ???
37. My favorite blonde is: Jessica Simpson or Lisa Simpson (if you can consider her a blond)38. Paper clips are more useful than: having no paper clips.
39. If I do anything well, it's: enjoying my life!!!
40. And by the way: I’m not as strong as I seem… I do get lonely sometimes, but being lonely is better than being hurt!

So, last night was an early night for me and my friends, so as i proceeded to drop my friend off at home and start the long drive home (which wouldn't be so bad, except that i wasn't in the mood to really drive, it was early and I was still a bit buzzed)... so anyways, i decided to call him (him being the guy i mentioned in my last post... that i use to talk to/date for a little while... lets call him AO)... So anyways, i called A to see what he was up to... i wanted to stop by and hang out for a bit, since his place is on my way home...

anyways, he said come over and we got there about the same time, cause he was just coming home from work... so in we went into his house... his family is chilling in the living room, i spoke to them all (trying not to blush) and then we proceeded to the basement (where his room is) to hangout... we just talked for a bit and watch some TV... it was a little tense, cause here we are both laying on his bed, trying to pretend that we're not attracted to one another... weird thing is we hadn't seen each other at all in like 2 months, even though we talked on the phone and emailed and all that... guess you kinda forget the affect a person can have on you, when you're with them alone... anyways, after about an hour and a half or so, i decided it was time for me to head out... so i get up, put on my shoes... we proceed to say our good byes and he gets up and gives me the biggest hug ever, it felt soooo good... and then he kissed me on my neck... and i just couldn't resist anymore, so i leaned in and kissed him... needless to say, he was all for it (but he did start it with the kiss on my neck... that was an unfair move)... anyways, that goodbye hug turned into a 15 minute goodbye kiss... in which he repeated stated, you have to come and visit me again... and of course i was like, definitely... i left shortly after that...

talked to him for a bit once i got home and then i went to bed... we never really talked about things.... but i'm not sure there's anything to talk about... well, there is... but i don't know if i'm ready to talk about it.... i like him and i can't help it.... but i honestly don't even know what his status is or what's really going on with him... you know how it is, once you stop talking to someone and say that ya'll will stay friends, its just the superficial things that you talk about... (i know he doesn't have a girlfriend, but i don't know if he's talking or seeing someone else seriously... which i guess would be an important factor to know...)

anyways, here i am at work trying to get my mind off of the entire event and off of him, but i can't help it, but he keeps running thru my mind...

"So-Called Friend"

So I’ve come to find out that the world, in deed, does not revolve around me… you know that whole he said she said BS from high school that you think will eventually go away once people grow the f*ck up... well it never goes away and in some cases some people just never grow up!!!

Let me explain, I was talking to this guy, AO, for a few weeks…. And I was really feeling (like he definitely had potential…) and anyways, after a while things just started getting weird all of a sudden , he became distant… and me being me, I was like I don’t have time for this BS, neither get your shit together or leave me out of it completely… anyways, he wasn’t getting his stuff together, so I was like I’m done… only to find out last night from a close confidant (some 3 months after we stopped talking), that some drama had went down… So, I had mentioned his name briefly and that we were talking to one of my ‘so-called friends’, I was like I’m really feeling this dude so please keep it to yourself about me and him (cause you know once people hear your happy, they want to ruin it for ya)… needless to say the girl didn’t keep it to herself, she ended up telling 2 people with the same day I told her… and one of the people she told called his ex-girlfriend and the ex-girlfriend called dude crying and all… talk about some straight up BS… anyways, me being me, I called the aforementioned ‘so-called friend’ once I found out about all this and asked her what happened (didn’t want to jump to conclusion, so I went straight to the source)… and she just straight up lied to me, then rushed me of the phone with ‘I’ll call you right back’… well I’m still waiting for her to call me back… and then surprising dude called me, it was just random.. said he’d been meaning to call me for the last couple of days (cause he’s a honest guy.. guy being the key word, I decided to take his word for it)… and so of course I asked him about it and he explained… and he figured that I knew about the whole situation, which of course I didn’t know about… anyways, needless to say that situation affect what could have been (who know maybe we would have stopped talking eventually anyways, but who knows!!!)

anyways, me and him stopped talking shortly after the incident, and I didn’t really understood what happened or why things ended so weirdly… but we’re still friends and all afterwards …

Anyways, now I wonder what could have been with him if all that drama hadn’t of gone down or what I would have done if I had known about it when it was happening… cause like I said I was really feeling this guy at the moment… but I guess the past is the past…

As for the ‘so-called friend’.... I’m just gonna wait to see if she calls me back… cause our worlds are very small… eventually she’s gonna run into me and won’t be able to avoid talking to me… maybe I should just let it go, but then I just can’t cause then she’ll never learn that her actions not only affect her but have consequences for the people that confide in her as well… and I just really want her to know I didn’t appreciate that shit… and now I gotta watch what I say around her… that’s crazy, if your my friend I shouldn’t have to hold my tongue around you… guess I won’t be hanging out with her anymore!

?!?!

Don't offer to come join me in my bed if you don't mean it!!!

ex: What u up to?

DD:Just chillin before i head to bed

ex: going to bed without me

DD: you're more than welcome to join me

. . .

ex: I want my bed

DD: Me too
(Now i meant that i wanted his bed too... but he doesn't need to know all that)

ex: Y do you want my bed?

DD: LOL... i meant i want my bed too...

ex: oh

DD: bout to head to bed, but i wouldn't mind your bed though

ex: go to bed... we'll talk tomorrow