loooooong weekend...

Long weekend… ran my 12 miles on Saturday (i also ran thru event emotion from being happy to be exercising to being proud of my accmplishment, to being angry at how long 12 miles actually is, to resentment for doing the marathon, then back to satisfaction for doing the 12 miles and still wanting to complete the marathon :-)), after running I then went to work that afternoon and then went to some Masquerade Ball (instead of resting my poor little legs)… it was cool though, and Sunday was crazy, have a big family event and spent most of the day cooking and serving people (you know how those Nigerian family events can get out of hand…) Anyways, the event was the baby dedication at church for my niece (2 months old) and nephew (5 weeks old)… the children are such blessing and great additions to our family… it was a good mix of our friends (my siblings) and our parent’s friends and family friends…

Anyways, I guess I didn’t really realize how much it bothered me that I don’t what to do with my life or what I should be doing with my life (in my master plan, I was suppose to be planning my own wedding day by now, but with no boyfriend at the present moment or in the immediate foreseeable future it makes it a little difficult to do that)… anyways as I was saying, I guess I didn’t really realize how much it bothered me until yesterday afternoon, after the baby dedication at church and we had a bunch of people over, and a friend of mine, SS, (a friend I dated about 2 and a half years ago and I actually met him thru my sister-in-law, so he was there to celebrate the baby dedication with us) and I were talking and some how we got on the topic of what’s next in life, and how life was going and so on and out of no where tears started flowing from my eyes. Now, SS and I are good friends, we talk on a regular basis and he’s someone I would definitely confide in cause he’s a very trustworthy guy, but I was just surprised as how easily tears formed at my eyes when we really started talking about the future, and I guess it surprised him as much as it did me, then he asked what my greatest fear was, and I could only reply, I can’t get into that right here cause then I’d get really emotional… and of course he made me promise to call him later to talk and so on and so on… I guess it threw him off because I’m not the most emotional person in general (I can be sensitive, but I hardly ever show my vulnerable side to people, not even to him when we dated) and it threw me off just cause it was so unexpected and I never planned on reacting that way… so, anyways, all that got me to thinking about what I really want to do… I was planning on going back to grad school next year to get an MBA, mind you I already have a master’s degree and I have a good full time job… and I was talking to one of my co-workers and I think the idea of going back to school would help to delay my fear of what’s next and not necessarily help me to solve the current issue at hand, which is what do I really want to do… going back to school would give me the opportunity to learn more, earn another degree, but more than that it would give me a chance to meet new and different people (Nigerians) and I would hope that it would open other opportunities for me to explore and find what I want to do.
I didn’t call SS like I promised I would, cause I wasn’t ready to talk about it, especially not with him cause I know he’ll make be completely open and honest with him and I dunno if I’m ready to do that… I did however, text him and apologize for tearing up during our conversation and he said he wanted to make sure I was ok and he reassured me that he was there for me whenever I was ready to talk…
On a side note, SS is such a great person, may times I wondered why we stopped talking/dating… he’s a great guy, so sweet and kind and considerate and we’ve always had that chemistry between us, but I guess some people you’re just meant to be friends with… either way, I’m grateful for him and his friendship…

Now I’m off to go try and figure out what the heck is wrong with me, or at least figure out what the heck I want to do with my life….