Thursday, February 05, 2009

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions....


So, now that the new year has started been trying to think about what I want and what I need… I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m going to move back to the states in early June of this year, making my stay in London just 2 months short of 2 years… moving to London has been the biggest risk that I’ve taken thus far in my life, and also one of the best decisions I’ve made… London has been an emotional roller coaster on so many levels with its highs and lows, but will always be an experience that I can reflect on forever cause moving to London has forced me to grow and change in so many ways, and to discover myself in so many way that it is unimaginable… I’ve been told that you never really know how strong you truly are, until that strength in needed… and I never understood that statement til I moved to London by myself...

I think moving back to the states is gonna be a hard move, as I’ve settled quite nicely into life in London and being on my own here, but I think its time to go back home… I went home back to the states for the holidays, and I had such an amazing time! Nothing extraordinary happened, but it was just good to be back in Baltimore for a few days, and for the first time in a long time, I wasn’t ready to leave Baltimore to get back to life in London… usually I look forward to being in Baltimore, but after a few days there, I usually start to miss life in London and can’t wait to get back to London… but not this time around, this last visit was different… I just didn’t want to leave Baltimore to come back to London… and for me that was the last sign that I needed… I dunno if I do it mentally or subconsciously, but I always yearn to be back with my family when I’m heading towards the end of an experience. I haven’t quite decided which is the cause and which is the effect… in other words, I don’t if its because I want to be back home that makes me want to end something and move back, or is it that I feel that the experience I’m dealing with is coming to an end, and I naturally prepare myself to head home by yearning for it… but its always worked that way, maybe its just my conscious wanting to be back in a place that I know is safe… and seeing my some of my siblings and mum this past weekend on my mini holiday just made me miss them more, we (my siblings and I) did all the usually things we did when I lived in Bmore… from consultation of outfits to making dinner plans to going out clubbing together… it was really good…

for me, home is always safe… and nothing makes me want to be safe more than after an experience that’s forced me to change drastically which moving to London has done… while I yearn to move back to Baltimore and be back in that ‘safe’ place, I also desperately want to move to Nigeria to live and work.. and there in lies one of my main issues… one of the issues that I deal with when I make any life changing decision… how will this affect my family… While I’ve expressed that I do want to move there, I’m not sure I can do it on my own…. Actually let me rephrase that, I know I can do it on my own, but I don’t want to do it on my own… and while I have to live my life and do what’s best for me, I need to consider my family and what’s best for everyone as well… what’s a girl to do! I just hope that things become clearer for me in the next couple of months… I don’t want to make any hasty decisions...

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Quotes of the Day

"Change and growth take place when a person has risked himself and dares to become involved with experimenting with his own life." ~Herbert Otto

"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." ~Joseph Campbell

"He who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life." ~Muhammad Ali

"The only things in life you regret, Are the risks that you didn’t take. "~Anonymous


3 comments:

Writefreak said...

Moving is always a big thing, just made a move with hubby but i know i had peace about it...
I pray that God will lead you to make the right decision!
Thanks for stopping by the soulsistas place!

doll said...

hey..happy moving

aloted said...

hmm...big move.. all da best!! i pray the lord directs ur step as u make further decisions on moving