Me… Charming?

Yesterday someone told me I was charming… and I thought me? Charming? See the thing with me is that I am by no means lacking self esteem, as a matter of fact, I am my own biggest fan, but I am also my own biggest critic… and its not easy when you have that relationship with yourself… you see I know I can be sociable, actually its so much apart of who I am, that sometimes I need to restrain myself from striking up conversations with people and just interacting with people in general… its so much apart of who I am, it actually defines me… but anyway back to the idea of me being charming, its not that the though is ludicrous or anything like that, but its always been a bit difficult for me to accept compliments from people, not everyone, but from most people, and the odd thing is that I actually love being the center of attention, so hence the oxymoron…. And if you ask any of my good friends, they’d say I’m more than confident (I’ve trained them not to call it being vain, but rather confidence!!). And with so much confidence, I don’t understand why hearing someone else, other than myself, give me a compliment is hard to take at times… I guess in hearing a compliment or a statement about me, its actually gives me a glimpse into how other people see…

I’ve always wonder what people’s perception of me are, I wonder if it matches with the perception that I intend to give off and how it matches to how I really am in reality. I have some ideas of what some people think, but the perception that my friends have of me have been built over several years and shared experiences, but I am interested in how people initially perceive me, and how their first impression of me differs from the person I really am when they get to know me. I personally think that I am very multi-faceted, but that there is a consistency in all of my sides, and because of that underlining consistency it makes sense when you examine all of them and take a look at who I truly am. I was having a similar conversation with a friend over the weekend, I was telling him that the perception that he projects is quite different from who I think he really is. It wasn’t a bad thing, because neither the projected image nor his true self were bad, they were just different to one another. And because I was acting on the initial perception of him, it often confused me when he did something that wasn’t in line with what I thought he would do or what I expected and because of that I found that he was hard to read, but none the less I still drive myself crazy analyzing him…

Anyways, so part of reason I decided to start blogging again was because I was confused about some things, and I am at a point where I need to make some decisions about what I want in the future. Been trying to make some decisions, but I’ve left some things open, which make making a decision hard to do, at least for me… and so I’ve decided that I need to get a handle on current situations going on in my life, as hopefully that will give me perspective and allow me to be able to make a more assertive decision about what path I want to follow. Heading off for a mini-holiday on Wednesday, going to go lay on some beaches and think some things through… I think it’ll help me to get away from the everyday stress and just relax and think about what I want and where I want to go… while I’ve know I’ve done good for myself thus far, I’m a person that needs to have a direction or focus, I need to be working towards something, and not get too comfortable where I’m at… that’s not to say I don’t enjoy my successes and life experiences, but I also need to be working towards my next goal as well, I need to feel like I am making some type of progress. And there in lies my main issue, I don’t know what my next goal is suppose to be, and it’s hard to work towards something when you have no idea of what it is!

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Quotes of the Day (couldn't decide!):

Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple. ~Dr. Seuss

Every person, all the events of your life are there because you have drawn them there. What you choose to do with them is up to you. ~Richard Bach