So I changed my blog from discomboluated in life to discombulated diva… felt it was a much needed change…

So, I didn’t get to see my ex last weekend… but it was okay, I didn’t expect too (even though I wanted to)… but we did talk while he was around… truth is we’ve been talking a whole lot lately and maybe that’s y I hold on to that little glimpse of hope of re-uniting with him … the last couple of conversations that we’ve had, he’s spent most of them reminiscing about from our past relationship and talking about some arguments and such that affected both of us… I was telling him about this one time , after we had broken up, that he made me so upset cause he was being down right mean to me… to my surprise and shock he said he didn’t understand why he’d been so mean at the time and he apologized… yeah, imagine, I was bout t drop the phone on the ground at that point… now in his defense, that was the first time he had even said something cross to me in the two years that we’d known and dated each other… and I guess I was just shock at him being mean towards me … and of course we talked about the good times and all that… I don’t get him though… if he doesn’t want to get back together, why sit on the phone and reminisce with me ….

Anyways, so I’m wondering if pass FBs (Friends with benefits… but we all really know the more common term) can really still just be friends afterwards… that one I’m still working on… I mean I know it an age old question… but it is possible to be just friends with someone you’ve dated or been friends with benefits with… even if you’re the one that called it off, it’s still possible right? I mean, I’m still friends with the aforementioned ex and we have a good friendship and we know our boundaries (even if I am pining away for him over here, I manage to keep that all under control and be friends with him)…

Spent most of yesterday stress out trying to find Ex boyfriend a plane ticket, tickets were expensive as heck and it was so last minute… I think I stressed myself so much that I started to feel ill by the end of the evening... anyways, after we got all that stuff sorted out, we were talking last night… it was cool, we talked for a while, he was surprised at all the trouble I went thru just to help him get a ticket…
( Now, y don't i just tell Mr. Ex how i'm feeling... I dunno, i just don't want to ruin the good friendship that we have now by trying to pursue something more, and if it doesn't work out a second time... then thing would get really ackward :-/... and i really value his friendship and i wouldn't want to tarnish the great memories we did have together by doing something stupid... )
Crazy part is even after all the trouble I went thru to find him a plane ticket, I doubt that I will even see him when he comes into town tomorrow… yeah I know he’s only gonna be around for two days and he’s gonna be an hour away from where I stay, but it would be nice to see him, even if were just for a minute… but I won’t suggest it, but if he brings it up… you better believe I’ll make it happen..

Okay, so I was going thru some pictures of myself this morning, and I saw some pictures from last November… I looked to good (not in a “Damn I know I look good” vain manner, just in a “Damn I weighted like 15 pound less” way)… so now I’m re-focused… I had already started my diets and working out, but seeing those pictures motivated me even more… no more cheating here and there, cause all that does is keep me further from my goal… so I need to drop approximately 15 to 20 lbs in the next six and a half weeks… to be honest, I’ll be proud if I drop more than 10/11 lbs… that’s a doable goal… but I’m really aiming for more than that…

Finally its Thursday, the weekend can start… yes the weekend starts for me on Thursday… now if I were in college I might still be able to get away with it… but when I show up to work on Friday morning looking a mess… well, needless to say its soooo not cute… but then I’m still young, so I can get away with it… anyways, let the drinking commence (once I get out of work)… its happy hour and then who know what after that…

I hope I get to see him this weekend…

guys... relationships....

So last night, I was talking to a friend, D, (well he’s not exactly a friend… he’s more like a guy that I met a couple of weeks ago and after a week or so of hanging out, I decided that he wasn’t my type… and well he just doesn’t understand it, so he still calls me and we talk occasionally)… anyways, he was saying that he didn’t understand how things took such a drastic turn in events from talking to each other every day and hanging out to nothing… no calls, no texts, no hanging out… Now, I’ve a very straight forward person, but how do I tell the guy that I think he’s too young for me (age is just a number, but mentally we’re not in the same place in life… he hasn’t discovered or accepted who he is, whereas, I’m more than comfortable in my own skin)… anyways, he says its like I just don’t care… its not that I don’t care, but its more like why waste both of our time, when I already have it in my mind that its not gonna work… Also, how do I tell this guy, that far in the back of my mind, that I’d probably do anything to get back with my ex-boyfriend… My ex is such a great guy and when we were together it was great… but it didn’t last… we lived in 2 different countries, times zones and well he kinda fell into a slight depression which really put a damper on our relationship… he needed time to figure things out… Now, I’m not one for making excuses… but the guy just had a lot of things going on, I mean when his own brother (who lived 10 minutes away from him) started calling me long distance to see what was wrong with his own brother (my ex)… well needless to say, it was a serious matter… anyways, we broke up and went our separate ways, but theses day we’re like the best of friends… and even though I know that we’ll probably never get back together, I sometimes hold on to the slight possibility that it could happen… shit, anything could happen…
Anyways, back to D… how do I simply tell a guy that I may have been interested in that I’m no longer interested… I mean when I called him back yesterday, he was so surprise saying he never thought he’d speak to me again cause I just kinda disappeared… now that would have been funny (ok, it was funny cause I laughed at him when he said it)… but the strange thing is that, that’s not the first time a guy has said that to me… apparently I have a way of cutting people of completely, or intimidating them to the point where they think that I would never talk to them again…
Anyways, I guess my straight forwardness can be construed as me trying to mean or rude, when in actuality I’m just being straight with the person in the most tactful manner that I can be (depending on the situation)….

Anyways, I talked to my ex last nite, and he’ll be in town this weekend… now, he’s only gonna be around for a day and a half… but did he tell me he was coming so I could make arrangements to see him or just to let me know so that if I did find out he was in town I wouldn’t be hurt… who knows…
Crazy thing is that we’re such great friends, we talk about every and anything with one another except our romantic relationships with other people… we many joke about it, but that’s one topic that we avoid, or at least I do… he often asks me and I just kinda beat around the bush… guess I figure that if he found out that I’m dating someone that he won’t confess his true feelings of love for me :-/… but I think its also that I don’t want to have the image of some other girl being the focus in his life, especially since I’ve been there for him for so long and went thru a lot of hard times with him… we’ve been broken up for over a year and a half but somehow the time has really changed my feeling too much… cause at the end of the day after we broke up and I went thru the ‘I hate you phase’ and then “I don’t want to be friends” phrase… we eventually grew into being friends and now we talking all the time… our friendship is definitely a good one and I wouldn’t want to ruin it… anyways, enough about ex…

Maybe if I could get thru all theses feelings, I’d probably be more open to another relationships…

Quarter Life Crisis

So, here i am at the tender age of 23 (almost 24) and i think i'm having a quater life crisis... i told my friends and they laughed... obviously they think i'm joking :-/....

So i thought about starting my blog about 3 weeks ago, ever since i started reading CB's blog (TheCompanyBitch.blogspot.com)... she inspired me... but i just never got around to doing it...

so, anyways... on to my quarter life crisis ( i even saw it on the news)... I'm almost 24 without a serious boyfriend, needless to say i'm behind on my life plan to be a wife and mother by 26/27... you know, i was suppose to meet my husband in college or at least right after i graduated from undergrad... but silly me, I got focused on getting another degree and starting my career... I mean, life ain't that bad... i got a good job, i have 2 degrees under my belt... but still no significan other that i would seriously consider dating... which may very well be my own fault... so let me explain my rules (YES, I HAVE RULES...)
1. I usually give a guy 2 weeks to determine if its with pursuing any furthur (i mean, i waste my time or his time.... i'm not getting any younger!!!)
2. I can't do a clingy person... i'm a grown woman... gimme some space to breathe... don't call me a million times a day, trust me, it doesn't work well for me!
3. Can you talk about something other than sex... i mean, you need to be able to hold an intelligent and interesting converstation... stimulate me mentally (yeah, that sound corny, but whatever)...

There are many more rules or ideas that i have about a mate... but u'll learn about them as time goes on...

Anyways, back to my crisis... I'm not motivated at all theses days... not motivated to do much at all, but just to chill and go out drinking (drinking... now, that's a story for another day)... i can't even get the motivation to clean my living area... Today when i woke up, i told myself whether I am motivated or not that i was gonna do the things i needed to do... So i got up and went exercising this morning... that a step in the right direction, but how motivated can i really be if i'm at work typing this post instead of working... but its ok (i'm just taking a break really quick.... back to work soon)...

what does a quarter life crisis consist of... well i'm not really sure, but I have to get over whatever it is that's gotten into me... hmmm....