Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Cold turkey…

I gave it up; just like that… cold turkey… the definition for cold turkey, from wikipedia, is ‘the actions of a person who gives up a habit or addiction all at once. That is, rather than gradually easing the process through reduction’… I still can’t believe I’ve done it, if I’m honest the withdrawal symptoms seemed unbearable at first… but I’ve been learning to cope with things… what did I give up so suddenly… well it was an addiction to a man that I thought I could love, but wasn’t loving me in the way I needed to be loved… you see, we both know that we need each other around, at least that what we thought, but then I started to step back from the whole situation and surprisingly things got less cloudy and became much clearer… my head had been clouded for a while, but suddenly reality started to kick in and my eyes were open again and I was able to regain my balance… I was able to take a step back from the edge I’d been living on for a while… and once I did, I was able to refocus and see things for what they really were… maybe I wasn’t ready before, maybe that’s why I couldn’t do it, but I am now… out of nowhere, with no warning, I literally disappeared, it wasn’t an easy thing to do, but many things had led up to this… its never an easy thing to do, regardless of which side of the situation you are on… but I had to give my addiction of him up… it had consumed me for all to long, it had taken over in a way that wasn’t healthy… when he finally realized what I was doing, that was painful for me, cause I knew he was hurting, but I had to be strong… I had to be strong for myself, but also for both of us… right now, what he and I need is space between us… you see, the reason I know how much it’s hurting him is because he’s exactly like me and I know how much it was hurting me… only time will tell how things will play out, but for now I’m indulging in the space that I’ve created, because it was exactly what I needed mentally, physically and emotionally…




Love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation. ~Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

Love the ones you can. Touch the ones you can reach. Let the others go. ~ Real Live Preacher

Our greatest battles are that with our own minds. -Jameson Frank

There is a time for departure even when there’s no certain place to go. Tennessee Williams

Forever, and forever, farewell, Cassius! If we do meet again, why, we shall smile; If not, why then this parting was well made ~Julius Caesar, Act V, Sc. I

“Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.” ~ Dr Seuss

2 comments:

pink-satin said...

men...i have an addiction that i wish i could just go cold turkey for!!

Ms. Cali Brwn said...

I think it comes with age too... turning 25 ... my view on so many things has changed... and I realize the stress and emotional hurt associated with men ... love ... whatever you may like to phrase it ... is not worth it... because at the end of everyday Ive still got to have some soul left to love me ..