Cold turkey…

I gave it up; just like that… cold turkey… the definition for cold turkey, from wikipedia, is ‘the actions of a person who gives up a habit or addiction all at once. That is, rather than gradually easing the process through reduction’… I still can’t believe I’ve done it, if I’m honest the withdrawal symptoms seemed unbearable at first… but I’ve been learning to cope with things… what did I give up so suddenly… well it was an addiction to a man that I thought I could love, but wasn’t loving me in the way I needed to be loved… you see, we both know that we need each other around, at least that what we thought, but then I started to step back from the whole situation and surprisingly things got less cloudy and became much clearer… my head had been clouded for a while, but suddenly reality started to kick in and my eyes were open again and I was able to regain my balance… I was able to take a step back from the edge I’d been living on for a while… and once I did, I was able to refocus and see things for what they really were… maybe I wasn’t ready before, maybe that’s why I couldn’t do it, but I am now… out of nowhere, with no warning, I literally disappeared, it wasn’t an easy thing to do, but many things had led up to this… its never an easy thing to do, regardless of which side of the situation you are on… but I had to give my addiction of him up… it had consumed me for all to long, it had taken over in a way that wasn’t healthy… when he finally realized what I was doing, that was painful for me, cause I knew he was hurting, but I had to be strong… I had to be strong for myself, but also for both of us… right now, what he and I need is space between us… you see, the reason I know how much it’s hurting him is because he’s exactly like me and I know how much it was hurting me… only time will tell how things will play out, but for now I’m indulging in the space that I’ve created, because it was exactly what I needed mentally, physically and emotionally…




Love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation. ~Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

Love the ones you can. Touch the ones you can reach. Let the others go. ~ Real Live Preacher

Our greatest battles are that with our own minds. -Jameson Frank

There is a time for departure even when there’s no certain place to go. Tennessee Williams

Forever, and forever, farewell, Cassius! If we do meet again, why, we shall smile; If not, why then this parting was well made ~Julius Caesar, Act V, Sc. I

“Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.” ~ Dr Seuss

Karma....

Everything happens for a reason, regardless of whether or not I understand why certain events happen, I know that there is a divine reason to it… that there is a method to the madness in which we call life… aside from that, I know that I have the strength to make it through whatever comes my way, regardless of how helpless I may feel at a particular moment – I know the strength exist inside of myself, I just need to conjure it up… I haven’t had a terribly difficult life if I want to be honest with myself, but I’ve been in some rotten situations in my life… situations that have knocked me completely off of my feet, but here I am today standing just as tall as ever…

I use to handle things to badly, whenever life was difficult, I always managed to make it worse by being self-destructive, turning to things that would temporary make me feel better, but were ultimately bad for me in the bigger picture of life… and I’m not sure what’s worse, that I was self-destructive or that I knew I was being self-destructive and still did it anyways… as tempting as it may seem, self-destruction is not a choice for me anymore, the consequences are much too steeper now… the other side of self-destruction, or rather another form of self-destruction is revenge against those that have hurt me. Revenge is only a temporary happiness to see someone else suffer like you’ve suffered, but what’s worse than revenge is Karma… its karma, and my good-naturedness, that have always kept me from going down the path of revenge no matter how tempting or easy it would have been… in the current situation that I’ve found myself, I knew I wasn’t going to be self destructive, but I did seriously considered revenge, doing something that was completely out of my character so that I could have that temporary happiness to see the other parties suffer like I was/am… but my senses quickly got the better of me, and I realized that karma would take care of them for me, and that I didn’t need to do anything… also, in plotting revenge against them and stooping to their level, I was only setting myself up for karma to repay me later in life with an unpleasant surprise… so more for my sake than for theirs, I find myself taking the higher road again!

And one would think that as many times as I’ve taken the higher road, that karma would repay me with some pleasant surprises… well, maybe karma isn’t paying me back in the way I expected, but if I want to be honest I have nothing in life that I can complain about – and there are very few people who can truly say that, and if that isn’t karma working in my favour, than I don’t know what is… so as I continue my journey on the high road, I hope I can keep my focus on what’s right, and not on what would feel good right now…