back in action... again...

yeah, I know I’ve been MIA again… but I’ve had some legitimate reasons… I moved again about a week and a half ago in to a 1bdrm flat (apartment)… 3 place in the 5 months that i've been in London... crazy right, but i think i've finally found the right place... and I’ve just been getting myself settled into my new place… to be completely honest, I do love my new place… everything about it feel right… when I wall through the door, it feels like home (at least my home away from home)… so aside from moving into a new place, what’s been going on with me… well I’m planning a small get together of some friend, a small house warming, this weekend coming up… nothing too big, just a few friends, some drinks, music and of course food… that should be fun, I am definitely looking forward to it! other than that…

hmmm… I’m sure you’re wondering about TA… what can I really say, other than I am taking things one day at a time with him… some days he makes me the happiest girl in the world :-), some days he really get under my skin and I’m irritated, but its only natural (there are very few people I think I like ALL the time, including myself)… but when I do look at the big picture, he makes me happy more times than not, so for now I’m just going with the flow, cause things are good… I notice that I am finding myself more and more comfortable around him, that he allows me to be silly and just be myself, without feeling like I have to be anything else, which is a great feeling… I think one of the things that I really appreciate most about TA is that we don’t have to always be talking when we’re together, in the sense that we could be chilling and watching tv or something for hours with very few words, but there’s no awkwardness, and then there are days that we can talk on and on forever into the wee hours of the early morning about any and everything as that feels so natural as well…
the other day I was sitting in a training course for work, and I guess I was day dreaming and I pictured this great future for TA and I… that scared me a lot… scared me cause I could actually see him in the future, but as I said I’m just taking it one day at a time… not rushing into anything, not jumping any steps or anything like that… the fact that that thought came in my head did make me a bit nervous though… but what can I really do about that… anyways, one day at a time…

well, I’ve been on my new BC pill for about 3 and a half weeks so far, and so far so good… my emotions are much much better, I still get emotional at times, but at a normal rate, not like before where I felt like I couldn’t control my emotions… I’ve noticed that my appetite does funny things though, I go for days without really wanting food, but then I go days where I’m craving different foods… its odd, but I’m hoping that that will eventually go away… and as u may have guess, I did jump on the scale just to make sure I wasn’t putting on any pounds… and boy was I relieved when I saw that the scale had actually gone down:-)!!! I haven't noticed any other major side affects either, so i'm praying that this one doesn't cause any other issues!!!

Anyways, can’t believe February is here already… shucks to tell you the truth, I’m still trying to get use to the idea that its 2008… time seems to be flying by… but I’m trying to enjoy it as it goes, but also make sure that I plan for the future…

finally, my 2008 goals...

Went to church on Sunday, and heard a very inspiring message… the message was about one’s hopes and desires and how to ensure they come true… the message emphasised on making goals that are realistic and attainable, assessing where you are and where you want to be and determining if you’re willing to make the sacrifices necessary to get to where you want to be… also, write your goals down so that you constantly know what you’re working towards… so I decided to do just that… write my goals downs, the things I wanted to do and accomplish this year… but not just lofty goals, but achievable and measurable goals… with measurable timelines...

New Years goals:

1. Lose 10 to 15 lbs by April 1st, but hopefully sooner.
2. Visit two places in Europe that I’ve never been to before
3. Complete my master’s program
4. Make more of a conscious effort to save (make at least one sizable deposit (hopefully more) into my saving account every month starting in February)
5. Learn to budget better… I can spend with the best of them, but as I get older I need to be more responsible… not to mention that now that I live on my own, I have my own ‘real’ bills to pay.
6. Payoff at least one credit card by June 1st

Update... I've been on the new BC pill for a week now... and so far so good... mood swings and irrational thinking (at least irrational for me) are gone... feeling more like myself, usual smile on my face, optimism is back and just better in general... thank goodness... let's just hope that things continue in this manner... its still early, but i'm hoping for the best...

its official... i'm not going crazy...

Its official… I’m NOT Crazy… YEAH!!! time to go celebrate…. ok, let me take a few steps back and explain before I start celebrating… I dunno if this has been apparent in my posts, but I’ve been overly emotional or over dramatic for the last couple of weeks… at first I thought maybe it was just the winter blues or maybe I was just feeling lonely from moving to London and so on and so on… I mean, I thought I was going crazy, having mood swing left and right, not to mention getting some acne which I don’t usual get… I managed to keep them mostly to myself, but I’m sure TA got some of the brunt of my mood swings… but only recently did I decide to reflect on all the changes that have happened in the last couple of months, all the issues I’ve dealt with and so on… and yesterday it clicked… I started taking BC pills (birth control pills) for the first time a few months ago, after I moved to London, and a few weeks after I started the mood swings started, the irrational thinking and so on… I really did think I was losing my mind… I even asked TA one day has he ever felt that he losing his mind or going crazy… that was the only way I could explain it… I know I am a sensitive person, but not an emotional person… if someone hurts my feelings; I’m not the type to show it especially not in public… I’d deal with it in private… but when I stated tearing up over stupid things and things of that sort, it took me a little by surprise, but I just though that maybe it was all apart of the changes that I had to deal with as I got older and mature… yeah right… I spent most of work yesterday doing research on the PC pill I was on and I found tons on information, especially stories from females who had experienced the things that I am going thru (oh, goodness… I’m tearing up again :-( )… luckily I had already schedule an appointment with to see my GP (doctor) for later in the evening and I thought I’d take this opportunity to discuss all of the issues and concerns I had about my health… imagine my relief when he told me that he seen this before and was more than happy to discuss the various options available… he switch me to a different BC that I started using today, he said that basically each person’s reaction to the BC depends on their individual body make up… if I start getting adverse side affects from this, I can try another BC, but if this new prescription doesn’t work, I’ll talk to my sisters to see what they use and if its working fine for them, I know it does depend on each person’s individual body, but since we’re related and genetically closer to each other, maybe what’s worked for them will work for me… who knows???

So, since I’ve move to the UK, I’ve had more health issues (in the past four and a half months) than I’ve had since… well never… the last time I had a health problem was over a year ago when I sprained my ankle while training for my marathon… but since I’ve been in London, its been one thing after the other, and while I know that TA is there for me and to support me, it makes me feel like a weak person cause of all the issues that I am having… I feel like its always one thing or the other with me and sometimes I just don’t want to tell him when or if something else comes up, cause one I don’t want to give him something else to worry about and two and I don’t want to feel like a liability to him (if that makes any sense at all)… besides I’m not use to leaning on people, I just handle things on my own and go on with life, that’s how I handle things… that usually works, at least it did when I was in the states cause I had some many people (friends and family) around and responsibilities to help me forget about what issue I was dealing with, so it was never necessary to actually tell other people or confide in other about issues, at least not all the time… but here, it’s a bit different... but i'm learning...

back to work... back to reality...

First day back at work… its takes me back of returning to school after Christmas vacation… I had the same feeling… tool forever just to get out of bed and get myself motivated… not very excited… once I got to work though, it wasn’t so bad, actually it wasn’t bad at all… its definitely good to see my co-workers… I actually like my co-workers, they are interesting people and they help the day pass by so much faster… always something interesting to chat about with them… and it was a nice surprise to have my new laptop waiting for me when I got to work today (I ordered it way back in October… talk about a delayed response time)… but its still work… to be honest, I like my job as well, not overly challenging, but not too dull either (most of the time at least)… I probably could be a better employee in a job that pushed me a lot and challenged me all the time, but I dunno if I could handle that ALL the time… so my current job suits me quite well, I’ve learned a lot since I’ve been working in this position, but as I said its not the most challenging job in the world… anyways, as I chatted with various people around the office, talking about the holiday and so on and so on…

This isn’t necessarily where I saw myself at 25… or in 2008… Not to say that I’m in a bad place or anything like that… I’ve done a lot for myself at my age, I have a good academic background and a good professional career… and yeah I am proud of my accomplishments, but still this just isn’t where I saw myself… well, you see I had my life planned out at 16, or at least I had my life planned out until I was 24… but nothing after that… I mean, I know I would get to 24 eventually and older, but I didn’t plan for it, like I planned for everything else so now I feel like I’m just going with the flow and not necessarily working towards anything in particular… I’m just waiting for the right thing or the right person that will show me the direction I should go in and that’s not how life should be… at least I don’t think that’s how it should be… I dunno where to begin… but this is going to be my year… so much potential that I’m not putting to good use… and I’m going to make a discerned effort to push myself more for the things that I want and need to make life more enjoyable… this is my year…

***I should have mentioned this earlier... but one of my uncles pasted away 2 days after Christmas... he was one of my uncles that lives here in England... although i've been in London for about 4 months, I hadn't made it to visit him cause he lives outside of London... now i wished i had taken the time to go and see him while he was still around... what makes me feel even worse is that a few days before Christmas he left me a voicemail, checking up on me, saying he hadn't heard from me lately and wanted to see if I was doing well... i told myself that I would call him before i left for the states, but i forgot, and i made a mental note that I would call him in the new year and go visit him... i guess i'll never get that chance, so that's been on my mind as well...

starting the new year on the right foot... hopefully...

I finally got back to London on Thursday morning… being at home was great… my holiday was great, I was a bit distracted, but in general it was a really good holiday… finally say TA yesterday (Saturday)… it was good to see him, I missed him while I was away… poor baby was sick most of the time I was in the states, he’s still a bit sick, but at least he’s getting better… it was really good to see him (yeah I know I said that already, but it was)… anyways, we spent a couple of hours talking about a bunch of different things… I enjoy his company, even when we’re just sitting around his flat and talking about nothing and everything… actually those are the moments I enjoy the most….

Anyways, back to work tomorrow… first day back to work in the new year… I like my job, but I’m not looking forward to getting up early and all the stress of work…

So I wanted to take a look back at 2007, to see what goals I set for myself and here they are:
My list of personal goals for 2007:
1. Lose these last 10/15 pounds that I’ve been playing with for a few months
2. Travel to 2 places I’ve never been (one being Atlanta - cause I’ve never been…)
3. Participate in another running event (Aside from my Marathon at the end of January)
4. Go back to school

I managed to do 3 out of the 4 goals I set for myself last year… guess which one will appear on my list again this year… well you’ll find out soon enough… I should finish my list of goals in the next couple of days or so…

Anyways, I hope everyone is having a great start to the year… as for me, I’m just taking it one day at a time…

celebrating a new year 2008....

Happy New Year...



I hope that everyone have a safe and fun New Years Eve.... I had a great New Years Eve, despite all of the things going thru my mind... Partied til 6 am, two of my really good friends came thru to hang out, one came fron NY and the other from DC... it was great to see them...



Starting a new year, and i'm hoping that 2008 is better than 2007... i had a lot of successes and accomplishments in 2007, but i also had alot of toils and trials... but hey, i survived the year right, so it should make me a better person right... I haven't made any new year resolutions... i gotta go back and take a look at my list from last new year's even to see if i accomplished the things on my list... this year i'm not going to necessarily make new year resolutions, but rather small achievable goals for myself...



There been alot of things that I'vebeen thinking about and trying to deal with... my last post talked about me giving my blog address to TA, i kinda wish i hadn't given it to him, but he read it and he gave me his opinion... he also said he deleted the blog url, which i really hope he does, but if he doesn't well there's nothing i can go about that right... i considered from a while shutting down my blog, that's why i hadn't made an entry for a couple of days... wasn't sure what i really wanted to do, but after some consideration decided that i wanted to keep my blog and i'll figure something else out about TA having the url...



anyways, what's really on my mind... well, everyone wants to be happy... and maybe some times I sabotage myself or my own happiness in relationships... my friend JD says that once i find the right guy, then i won't sabotage myself or my relationships, but i don't know... its not that's i'm not aware of what i do, I'm quite aware of it, but i can't necessarily help it... maybe it'll stop when i do find the right guy, or maybe it'll stop when i stop running from relationships, or maybe when i just start working on it (obviously the last options makes the most sense)...



okay, so my current issue, for some reason, sometimes i feel insecure about TA, sometimes its about the things he does, sometimes its just me being insecure... for some reason lately, he's bring that side out of me, and trust me i'm not an insecure person in general... now i want the best for TA and I want to be there for him, but i can't be supporting him if its hurting me to do so... maybe its cause i'm away at the moment, maybe because its that mental time mark when i usually start finding faults in a guy so i can find a reason to end it or maybe its the truth... and honestly at this point, i just don't really know what it is... anyways, i'm going to take it one day at a time... i just need some time to myself to get my thoughts together, to evaluate my feelings and see what i really want...

I want 2008 to be a great year... 2007 was an amazing and progessive year (both in a positive and negative way).... i accomplished alot, learned alot especially about myself and I grew thru various experiences... entering into 2008 i can only hope that i take the time to really focus on the things that are important to me, my family and my success.