Yea!!! Yesterday was a snow day… the weather was quite bad out here, so I was lucky enough and didn’t have to go to work…. And coincidentally yesterday was Valentine’s Day as well… and mine didn’t go as well as I would have hoped… so here goes…
So, things are over between New Yorker and myself… I know it may seem little abrupt or sudden, but it was a long time coming…. First let me assure you that I’m not crazy… okay, maybe a little crazy… but that’s me…
As we spoke on the phone yesterday, I asked him what would he say if I wanted to be just friends… and well once the ball got rolling, I couldn’t really stop it… its been on my mind for a week or two now…. For various reasons…. He was kinda surprised, but kinda wasn’t… said he had a dream about it, so he kinda saw it coming, but he didn’t expect it on V-day…. Before u crucify me for breaking up with him on Valentines’ days, I should mention that we didn’t have anything, NOTHING planned for V-day, so in my book it was just another day in the year… so y prolong the inevitable it any longer than I had to, right… He said are you sure… then he said u have a lot going on in your mind cause of everything else in your life, lets pretend we never had this convo and go to sleep and we’ll talk in the morning… then he was like you don’t even want to down grade to an open relationship, you just want to get rid of me all together… (and at this point, I was confused, when did we stop having an open relationship… he said I was his girlfriend and that was that… so on V-days he went from having a girlfriend to nothing at all… damn, talk about feeling guilty… I already felt bad enough, but this didn’t help)… we talked for hours trying to figure everything out… of course I got pissed at him cause he started saying stupid stuff, which at first made me think I made the right decision, but then he turned to his usual sweet self and made me feel like maybe I hadn’t thought this thru all the ways… but things ended on a semi-friendly note… I’m sure we’ll speak again, just cause he feels like I’m still upset with him and knowing him, he’ll want to make sure things are good between us, which I appreciate…
Anyways, at the end of the day, when it’s all said and done… we’re no longer boyfriend and girlfriend… but I already miss him…
And as I spoke to my sorority sister last night, JD… she wasn’t a big fan of him, but she said I should sleep on it and see how I felt in the morning… and I asked her, but y, you were never a big fan of his (she got to hear about all the little tings he did that annoyed me)… and her response was, yeah he’s not my favorite person in the world but he made you happier than I’ve seen you in years, so as long as you were happy, I was happy for you…
Damn, did I make a mistake…. Cause she’s right he did make me over the moon happy, he had a special ways of making everything great but there were just a lot of things I couldn’t deal with…
So I decided to sleep on it… and boy did I sleep… I didn’t lose a wink of sleep (granted I was emotionally drained and physically exhausted from shoving snow)… but this morning it hit me and it hit me hard exactly what I did yesterday…. Yeah I suck; I really could have waited til after V-day… probably should have thought it thru just a little bit more and yeah I’m sad about the whole situation cause i really miss him already but there’s nothing I can do now… I do still think it was the best decision... so that’s that!
“The hardest thing about growing up is that you have to do what's best for you even if it means breaking someone's heart. Including your own.” ~Anon
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12 comments:
Lol, talk about harsh! On V-day, even if u didn't have anything planned the sentiment that day caries is just too much. Anyhoo, that endquote just about sums it all up. It's good to know what one can or cannot deal with and be able to take that step. Miss him small o.
If it really wasn't working out, then I admire you for dealing with it instead of dragging it out.
I hope you're sure you made the right decision and if you are, then in time you'll stop missing him. Hope you're okay hun.
@ jj... i know, i know... i shouldn't have, but he got me so upset that the words just rolled out of my mouth and it was said before i could think about what i was doing... i really did try to wait til today, but it was the inevitable...
@vickii... I can't help but miss him, i've already though a million times whether i really made the right decision, cause i am missing him... and the more i think about all his great qualities the more i miss him... i guess all that's expected since we just broke up yestersday, but it still hurts...
DD, u just had 2 do it on Val's Day ehn?
1. Why didn't u have anything planned?
2. Why did u break up?
3. Did u think of it well?
4. Just in case u get back together, u need 2 make things clear (open or closed relationship)
DD my girl what do i say... was mos def not expecting this ... but at the same time i understand how when something needs to be done whether its elevates your happiness or not its got to be done ... and well u did what you felt was right ... i think maybe he caught you a bit off guard you werent expectin to like him so much so soon ... but you also got lots of other things goin on in your life that you want to get together too ... and well i dont think youre crazy at all ... but then again i could be crazy myself ... and who knows ... if you all were really meant to be maybe the opportunity will present itself again with better timing ... or maybe youll think about it ... and he will too ... and a week from now or whenever you could be writing a "reunited and its feels so good" blog...either way keep your head up ... i know you will!
Heya... i feel like i don't have the full story of you and new yorker at least the more recent shit.. so i'll go back and read up... but yeah.. you probably should've waited till after valentines.. but what is done is done and theres no point beating a dead horse.. hope you make the best decision for you and that you find happiness in it to.. whether its with the new yorker or without him!
@ Vera….
1.Why didn't u have anything planned?
I honestly don’t know… I thought about it and I was planning to discuss it with him the previous weekend, but then my friend passed away and we didn’t talk for a few days and the next time we talked was the day b4 Valentine’s day and at that point there was a snow storm out in MD… so it just kinda happened that way…
2. Why did u break up?
I’m still trying to figure that out… but ultimately, it was because he made me really sit down and think about the future… could I really see myself with him for the long term… in some ways I could and in others I couldn’t…. and of course there were little things that led up to the break up, but the underlining thing was that, I don’t know if I could really be completely happy with him for the long haul, which is what he was planning for... and truth be told, I think he is a great guy and it scares me that I actually can see a future with him, but in my heart of hearts I would never be completely comfortable with the cultural differences btw us…
3. Did u think of it well?
I thought about it for some time, and mauled over my decision before I said anything to him about, I talked to close friends of mine to get their honest opinion of my situation… I do miss him right now, but its only natural cause he became a big part of my life, but ultimately I do believe it was the best decision and if we were meant to be together then maybe down the line, who knows…
4. Just in case u get back together, u need 2 make things clear
Who knows if we’ll get back together… I’m sure we’ll be friends cause its in both of our personalities to stay friends with out exs, but we’ll just have to wait and see…
@AI… I do have a lot going on right now and a lot on my plate and maybe I just couldn’t deal with the stress of a relationship, but the relationship between New Yorker and myself just started getting a little stressful a few weeks ago and his started pulling away a little… and I know he wasn’t doing anything with anyone else and that he was going thru some internal conflicts that he was dealing with (which actually had to do with me), but it was just a lot to add to everything that’s already going on in my life… and then when I needed him the most these last couple of days, he was there for me at all and I couldn’t deal with it all… and you’re right, if we were meant to be then things will work out for the best…
@Overwhelmed… I did leave a lot of things out of the blog about New Yorker and I, but to sum it up, things just started getting too stressful… I know I could have waited, but I needed to get it done… but I did apologize to him for doing it on V-days…
oh my gosh . I just read the first line and I had to comment. WHy!!! I have missed a lot. Back to read.
are you sure? I dont no i just got the sense that you were happy with him. I feel kind of bad now like when jennifer aniston and brad pitt broke up. lol I hope you made the right decision.
Yea, I felt like I just have a tip of the iceberg but apparently by how u are talking about him, he seems to make you happy. But whatever decision you made, I believe it is for your best interest.
You are mean small sha....on V day! Poor boy go go to bed thinking about that, dont worry he will be fine and you will soon stop missing him!
@Confused... I was happy with him for the most part, it was just some small things that i couldn't deal with and they started to add up... and the more he talked about the future, the more i realized that he was trying to be in this for the long haul and I need to really decide if i could handle that... Part of looking long term was about him not being Nigerian, him not being Nigerian wouldn't be such an issue, except i want to move back there to live... and I don't want him to have to give up so much of himself to make me happy, that he himself becomes unhappy...
@Naijadude... I hope I did make the right decision.... only time will tell... i know it was mean to do it on V-day, but it just kinda happened :-(...
vday shmeeday. look, you've gotta do what's best for you. if you believe you made the right decision, then you should be able to rest easy.
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