My ex-boyfriend from London, L, called me yesterday… L and I are still good friends, we talk occasionally and email frequently, but still just friends… (side note: at one point in my life L was the guy I thought I would marry and live happily ever after with, but that didn’t happen… if you want the whole story, read part II of this post) anyways, L called my yesterday and it threw me off cause it was so unexpected, we were actually in the middle of emailing each other and I was responding to his email when he called… it was so nice to hear his voice, I hadn’t talked to him over the phone in some time, so it was really good to hear his voice… said he had been thinking bout me over the weekend…
Anyways, this leads me to wonder why some people say you can’t be friends with people you’ve dated… and while I agree to an extent… I’m actually friends with most of the people I’ve ever dated, seriously or otherwise… not the best of friends with all of them, but definitely cordial with them all… but really good friends with some of them as well, like L… now I know that for some people its impossible, but for me… I need my space and time before we can be friends, and the friendship has to be on my terms at first until we’re both comfortable, but for me its hard to cut someone out of my life completely especially if its someone that I truly love/loved… (Now, that doesn’t mean that I won’t do it, I actually do that more often than I’d like to, but that’s a story for another day)… there is only one person in my past that I’m not cordial with… that’s CG, fortunate for me, we haven’t ran into each yet since we went our separate ways… but that has a lot to do with the fact that we hang out in different places and I’ve been training so hard for the marathon that I haven’t been going out as much and so on (which is weird, since we have A LOT of mutual friends)
I know a lot of guys try to keep things civil or at least cordial between them as their ex just so that they can still have an opportunity with her in the future, where as I personally do it because I cared for the person at one time, and I still care for them as a human being even if its not in the same capacity as it was before and also, the Nigerian circle is so small, you know who knows who, who’s related to who and who you may run into in the future… if I begin to tell you the tails of the circles in Baltimore and Maryland, you’d would think we were crazy here… anyways, while CG and I no longer speak and as far as I am concerned are no longer even associates, if I ever ran into CG, I would do my absolute best to be cordial cause that’s just me…
If things work out the way I hope and I get to re-locate to London next year, I’m gonna need some assistance from my family and my friends… mainly my ex, L… why mainly him, well the time period I want to move, my cousins will be planning to get married and will be in Nigeria and L is the only other person that would be in the right area and available to assist me…. And also because even after we stopped dating and he needed some help when he was in the stated for an extended period of time, I was more than willing to help him because I cared about his well being… I’m glad that me and him worked things out and are able to be such good friends, cause if we didn’t, my transition to London would probably be very difficult… anyways, its situations like that that make me glad that I am the way I am and that I try to stay cordial with people and not burn bridges with them… while L and I have been through a lot together and are great friends, I know there are some things in my life L would have issues with despite the fact that we are friends… and probably vice versa… but I’m not planning on dealing with that stuff until it comes up or its absolutely necessary…
On a completely different note… I just got off the phone with my brother… he’s getting ready to leave for Nigeria in 5 hours… I am so jealous!!! Here I am at work slaving away (ok, not exactly slaving away) and he’s getting ready to go to the airport and go on vacation… and not to mention that JB is going to Nigeria as well… and when I talked to L yesterday I found out he was going as well… BITTER… I’m just bitter, I knew I wouldn’t be going this year, the moment I signed up for my marathon (can’t miss training this close to the event… 6 weeks away), but still its really hitting me hard now that all my friends are packing up their stuff and getting ready to leave for Naija… I do want to see L… it would be great, he said he assumed I was going, whereas I assumed he wasn’t going… either way we were both wrong… ( btw, did I ever mention that JB is not too thrilled at the fact that I still talk to L on a regular basis, but that’s not my problem… JB was well aware of things before he made his first move on me a year and a half ago…) To be honest, I do want to go to Naija… I want to see L… I want to see my cousins… I want to party like crazy… I want to be lazy for a few weeks… and just enjoy my life… better believe I’ll be there next Christmas…
Anyways, this leads me to wonder why some people say you can’t be friends with people you’ve dated… and while I agree to an extent… I’m actually friends with most of the people I’ve ever dated, seriously or otherwise… not the best of friends with all of them, but definitely cordial with them all… but really good friends with some of them as well, like L… now I know that for some people its impossible, but for me… I need my space and time before we can be friends, and the friendship has to be on my terms at first until we’re both comfortable, but for me its hard to cut someone out of my life completely especially if its someone that I truly love/loved… (Now, that doesn’t mean that I won’t do it, I actually do that more often than I’d like to, but that’s a story for another day)… there is only one person in my past that I’m not cordial with… that’s CG, fortunate for me, we haven’t ran into each yet since we went our separate ways… but that has a lot to do with the fact that we hang out in different places and I’ve been training so hard for the marathon that I haven’t been going out as much and so on (which is weird, since we have A LOT of mutual friends)
I know a lot of guys try to keep things civil or at least cordial between them as their ex just so that they can still have an opportunity with her in the future, where as I personally do it because I cared for the person at one time, and I still care for them as a human being even if its not in the same capacity as it was before and also, the Nigerian circle is so small, you know who knows who, who’s related to who and who you may run into in the future… if I begin to tell you the tails of the circles in Baltimore and Maryland, you’d would think we were crazy here… anyways, while CG and I no longer speak and as far as I am concerned are no longer even associates, if I ever ran into CG, I would do my absolute best to be cordial cause that’s just me…
If things work out the way I hope and I get to re-locate to London next year, I’m gonna need some assistance from my family and my friends… mainly my ex, L… why mainly him, well the time period I want to move, my cousins will be planning to get married and will be in Nigeria and L is the only other person that would be in the right area and available to assist me…. And also because even after we stopped dating and he needed some help when he was in the stated for an extended period of time, I was more than willing to help him because I cared about his well being… I’m glad that me and him worked things out and are able to be such good friends, cause if we didn’t, my transition to London would probably be very difficult… anyways, its situations like that that make me glad that I am the way I am and that I try to stay cordial with people and not burn bridges with them… while L and I have been through a lot together and are great friends, I know there are some things in my life L would have issues with despite the fact that we are friends… and probably vice versa… but I’m not planning on dealing with that stuff until it comes up or its absolutely necessary…
On a completely different note… I just got off the phone with my brother… he’s getting ready to leave for Nigeria in 5 hours… I am so jealous!!! Here I am at work slaving away (ok, not exactly slaving away) and he’s getting ready to go to the airport and go on vacation… and not to mention that JB is going to Nigeria as well… and when I talked to L yesterday I found out he was going as well… BITTER… I’m just bitter, I knew I wouldn’t be going this year, the moment I signed up for my marathon (can’t miss training this close to the event… 6 weeks away), but still its really hitting me hard now that all my friends are packing up their stuff and getting ready to leave for Naija… I do want to see L… it would be great, he said he assumed I was going, whereas I assumed he wasn’t going… either way we were both wrong… ( btw, did I ever mention that JB is not too thrilled at the fact that I still talk to L on a regular basis, but that’s not my problem… JB was well aware of things before he made his first move on me a year and a half ago…) To be honest, I do want to go to Naija… I want to see L… I want to see my cousins… I want to party like crazy… I want to be lazy for a few weeks… and just enjoy my life… better believe I’ll be there next Christmas…
6 comments:
oooh.. You changed the lay out?... I'll have to get used to this new one!
Well being friends wiht ur ex.. doesn't seem a bad idea afterall.. as long as you two are on the same page!
Seriously you and JB need to do some talking!
Sorry you're not going home... tht makes two of us!( seems like everyone is going to naija this yr!)... Newho.. have fun practicing @ ur marathon. Hopefully SOMEDAY... I'll get over my body itching when i run or walk to fast.. and I'll be able to participate in some marathon.
@Toyosi ... hmmm, i'm starting to regret the JB thing... sometimes i just have such mixed feelings about the whole situation... but when we are together, it just feel so right... but when we're apart, so many things run thru my head that makes me hesitate...
~DD
Yeah, nice layout but different ... I'll need a few posts to come to terms with it Lol.
I'm on speaking terms with all my exes and to be honest, I can't understand how people can go from loving someone to hating them and badmouthing them whenever the opportunity arises but it has been explained to me that a lot depends on the way things end and also the intensity of the feelings (the whole thin line btw love and hate theory). On the other hand, I don't think you can be truly friends with someone you were once in love with, at least not for a while after but that's just me.
Lol you have a lot of complicated boy issues. JB is probably just insecure, you and L have history and that's always threatening.
Good luck with your marathon training and make sure you let us know how you do.
I can't be friends with my ex. I am nice to them but keep them to a distance.
just came across your blog and this post particularly grabbed my attention.
i agree with the gits of what you say. its hard to define boundaries of relationships with an ex. and you explain it very nicely in relation to your own experiences which is nice
thanks :)
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